AITAH for going forward and refilling the divorce procedures, after my wife canceled now that she is getting the help she needs for her post partum depression?

A man is proceeding with divorce after enduring months of escalating abuse from his wife during pregnancy and postpartum depression. Despite his efforts to support her and seek help, she refused until her parents intervened, leading her to begin therapy and medication.

She now seeks reconciliation, expressing remorse in a letter. He feels exhausted and unwilling to risk further harm, particularly after her physical violence escalated. Friends and family are pressuring him to forgive her for the sake of their family, but he remains firm in his decision to divorce. read the original story below..

‘ AITAH for going forward and refilling the divorce procedures, after my wife canceled now that she is getting the help she needs for her post partum depression ?’

I 29m was in a relationship with my STBX wife 28f for 8 years. Everthing was what i will describe as nearly perfect. Small argument here and there but nothing really significant or relationship altering. All of that stopped 13 month ago after she got pregnant.

The child wasn’t a surprise as we were trying for a baby. I seriously don’t know what went wrong but around the 4 month mark my wife completely made a 180 switch from the kind, carring and sweet women she use to be to a total tyrant i know it’s bad to speak of someone like that but that is the best way to describe it.

I am completely honest when i say me breathing was an issue for her, waking me up at 2-3 in the morning because she wanted something specific and become verbally a**sive when i refused to drive 40 minutes to get her an ice-cream she was craving.

She went on a tyrade because she wanted chick fil A on a sunday and the place was close. Calling me a useless husband, everything under the sun, wasn’t allowed to sleep in the same bed as her then being pissed at me in the morning for not sleeping in the same bed as her,

cleaning the house because it’s to loud then not cleaning the house, cooking something she doesn’t want anymore but requested it earlier. I bared everything, every insults, all the verbal abuse. I never raised my voice towards her during this time.

I begged her to get help, talk to a doctor, therapist, her mother anyone but she refused and that just made things worse because apparently i called her crazy for asking her to get help. I went with her to the doctor one time and when i brought up the mood swing the hell i was in for a whole week wasn’t worth it.

Talking to her mother as well, she tried to help but my wife will act overly sweet and she made it seem that i was the crazy one untill her mother left and it was back to hell for me, even the camara footage i have of her going off she made it seem out of context and i was made out to be the monster by everyone for not doing more or enough.

she made it seem that everytime she got angry was in response to something i did. Me sleeping at 4am and she not being able to open a can of peaches was my fault earning me a can against the chest while sleeping.

4 month ago she gave birth, wasn’t a easy birth but i was hopeful that things will somewhat return to normal but that is when the post partum depression kicked in. I again tried to help, i really did suggestions, research, talking to a therapon my own to find better ways to help her but everything i did just made things worse.

I was against her with everything calling her a s**t wife, bad mother even though those words never left my mouth. Everything blew up when she actively became physically violent. My last straw was when she smashed a coffee cup on my head when i walked out the room after an small argument because i took to long to bring her the cup of coffee.

i was busy with our son changing his diaper. This was the first time in 8 years that i rised my voice at her and told her we are done, she can pack her s**t and move the f**k out of the house. She went to her parents house, she wanted to take our son but i didn’t allow that,

when she said she will call the cops i pointed to the camara in the hall way and told her she is welcome to try as the camara caught it all. A week later i was served with divorce papers, i wanted to file but didn’t have time with work and carring for our son. I was to busy.

3 weeks back after i got back from work my in laws were waiting for me, apparently her parents got her to see a therapist after they threatened to kick her out because she became as a**sive to them as she was to me. They finally believe me and that i wasn’t making things up.

They gave me a letter from my wife before the left. The letter basically says the following without writting everything out. She is sorry for the way she treated me all those months, she doesn’t know why she did it and has no excuse,

after her parents threatened to kick her out and she saw a therapist and psychiatrist she is better now that she is on medication to help her. In the letter she says she stopped the divorce proceedings and want to give us another try.

I haven’t responded to her letter and told my lawyer to proceed with the divorce proceedings. I gave the letter to her as well as it contains alot of detail of what she did as well as her admitting to the verbal abuse,

it’s not just my words anymore especially for the things that happened in public the videos i have of it as well and the video of her breaking the coffee cup on my head with the hospital visit for the stitches and burn marks from the hot coffee.

I am told I’m the a**hole as she is getting the help she needs now and that i should forgive her and give her another chance, i should do it to keep our family together, if i truly love her, i will be able to forgive her for the things she did while not in her right mind.

I am a monster because i have no idea what she went through. My things is why didn’t she take the help i suggested, i did everything humanely possible to help her and she refused, she made me out to be this evil person and everything i didn’t wasn’t right, good enough, not enough, nothing.

Even when i removed myself from the situation that was also wrong. I have more than enough evidence to get full custody of our son and a prenup that protects everything i have including the house. AITAH for refusing to continue in this relationship and preceding with the divorce.. 

Check out how the community responded:

InfiniteWelder513 −  NTA. You and your son were not worth her getting help over but her parents are? She abused you no matter the circumstances she doesn’t get to play the victim now

New-Number-7810 −  NTA. She abused you. That’s all there is to it. Her mental problems don’t reduce the harm caused to you by one iota.  Though the fact that she only abused you behind closed doors, and acted sweet whenever anyone else was around, tells me she knew damn well what she was doing.

Every time she hurt you it was a conscious choice on her part. Proceed with the divorce, and try to get as close to full custody as possible. I wouldn’t put it past your stbx to abuse your baby as revenge-by-proxy.

Repulsive_Pain_1587 −  Ask them if they could forgive you if the roles were reversed. I doubt they would.

SillyChicklet −  Women kill their babies, other children and partners in a state of postpartum psychosis. I am not saying that is it (only a doctor can diagnose your stbx) but sure sounds like it. Good thing you got out when you did NTA for preceeding with divorce. Ilness or not, she physically abused you.

It would be hard or maybe even impossible to trust her ever again. And with your baby too! ETA I somehow missed that it started during the pregnancy, not after, so it’s not post partum psychosis. But… Pregnancy kan trigger all sorts of mental illnesses and she could be suffering from whatever.

Doesn’t change the fact that she physically abused you, refused to seek help and you need to stay tf away from her, especially with your newborn. Aside from the pregnancy theres also a plethora of mental issues she could have been hiding from you up until the pregnancy.

Or she could just be an abuser in general. It’s not only men who play nice for a period of time until they start with abuse. Women are capable of that too. RUN!

Efficient-Repeat-227 −  Definitely NTA, bro. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your child. Good luck to you.

TheFluffiestRedditor −  Actions have consequences, and even though she was not in her right mind, she is still responsible for the impact her actions had.

BeautifulParamedic55 −  Go forward. The amount of work required to save this relationship is staggering, and right now you need to protect your child. Get full custody and supervised visits only.

Be strong, you have to do this for your child. She needs to continue getting help, she needs to prove she is not a danger to her son (and you!) and that will take years to prove it fully.. Be safe, good luck.

KaleidoscopeEven7463 −  NTA – pregnancy hormones are wild and can be difficult to control, but she repeatedly refused help and became physically violent towards you when I’m assuming your son was in the room close by. He could have easily been hurt.

What happens when she decides she’s better enough and doesn’t need the medication, and possibly becoming a**sive again. What if she abuses your son? No, she can still be a good mum while not being your wife once her treatment is further along.

trekgirl75 −  If it was you who did all of this to your wife, no one ands I mean NO ONE would be telling her to take you back bc you’re in therapy. They’d be telling her to run for the hills.

Embarrassed-Panic-37 −  NTA in any shape or form. I’m glad to see your edit that you’re filing for full custody. I hope you get it. You sound like a decent man and a caring father. All the best to you going forward.

Should he prioritize his safety and mental health, or is reconciliation warranted in light of her newfound efforts? Are past traumas forgivable if rooted in untreated mental health issues? what do you think? share your thoughts below!