AITAH for getting people to order extra on my MIL tab?

Sometimes, the past isn’t just a memory—it’s a moment that shapes who you are, even decades later. Nearly 20 years ago, a 25‑year‑old mother and wife found herself hosting her husband’s extended family in a tiny California home during a particularly stressful time.

As a young woman on a tight budget with a newborn—and barely scraping by on an E5’s salary—the weight of hosting was almost too much to bear. When her mother‑in‑law (MIL) suggested a fancy breakfast outing, what began as an unwanted obligation quickly morphed into an opportunity for a little long‑overdue retribution.

In a moment of exasperated humor and assertiveness, she turned a simple meal into a high‑stakes game of “who pays”—forcing extra orders (and an extra‑big bill) onto her MIL. But was her bold move justified, or was she the AH for using the situation to get back at her MIL?

‘AITAH for getting people to order extra on my MIL tab?’

Expert Opinion

Relationship experts consistently stress that clear boundaries and shared decision-making are key elements in any long‑term partnership. Dr. Laura Markham, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “When one partner takes unilateral action in a shared space—be it redecorating or, in this case, manipulating a meal bill—it can feel like a breach of the unspoken rules of partnership.

Even if done in a moment of stress or rebellion, it can leave the other partner feeling excluded or disrespected.” Similarly, communication specialist Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that assertiveness in setting boundaries is essential for maintaining balance. “Sometimes a little humor and a bold gesture can serve as a wake‑up call,” he explains.

“But if it’s used to sidestep a conversation about shared values and responsibilities, it may lead to long‑term resentment.” In our storyteller’s case, while her bold move provided a brief sense of relief and even a laugh at the moment, it also set the stage for conflict with her husband later—highlighting that even playful acts of defiance can have lasting repercussions when not fully discussed in advance.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community’s reactions to this story have been as colorful as the breakfast spread that night. Some users applaud her for finally standing up to the family dynamic that had long left her feeling overwhelmed and voiceless. They note that, given her financial and emotional constraints at the time, her clever maneuver was an act of self‑preservation and boundary‑setting.

Others, however, question whether using a family outing as a chance to “get back” is fair—even if the timing was imperfect due to the overall stressful situation. A few even point out that, while her MIL might have been forced into paying a hefty bill, the repercussions of such a public showdown can leave lasting wounds in family relationships.