AITAH for “getting his hopes up” and then telling him i had an abortion and serving divorce papers?

A Divorce Triggered by Paternity Lies: Was She Wrong to End the Marriage After an Abortion?

A woman’s decision to abort an unplanned pregnancy and serve divorce papers—after her husband accused her of infidelity and traumatized their children with paternity doubts—has ignited fierce debate. This harrowing story forces us to confront reproductive coercion, emotional abuse, and the cost of prioritizing self-preservation over family preservation.

‘AITAH for “getting his hopes up” and then telling him i had an Abortion and serving divorce papers?’

Expert Opinions:

Reproductive Coercion and Abuse:
Dr. Elizabeth Miller, a professor of pediatrics and public health, defines reproductive coercion in JAMA as “a partner’s control over contraception or pregnancy outcomes.” OP’s ex-husband’s refusal to use protection or get a vasectomy—coupled with rage over the abortion—fits this pattern, which the CDC links to heightened risks of physical violence.

Dr. Elena Rodriguez, a reproductive health specialist, explains: “When a partner consistently disregards their spouse’s medical vulnerabilities, it represents a profound violation of trust and personal safety. The refusal to use contraception or support medical needs is a form of reproductive coercion.”

Psychological Impact of Paternity Doubts on Children:
Child psychologist Dr. Marcus Chen notes: “Children exposed to parental conflict, especially accusations about paternity, can suffer long-term emotional and psychological consequences. The public questioning of children’s legitimacy can create deep-seated trauma and trust issues.”

A 2021 Child Abuse & Neglect study found that children exposed to paternal paternity accusations develop trust issues and anxiety. Dr. Rebecca Bailey, family therapist and author, warns: “Telling kids they ‘might not be yours’ is emotional abuse. Courts often restrict visitation rights in such cases.”

Legal Strategies for High-Conflict Divorces:
Attorney Laura Wasser (It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way) advises in TIME: “Document every abusive interaction, including texts. Request supervised visitation and a restraining order if harassment continues. Courts prioritize protecting children from parental alienation.”

Solutions from Experts:

• Safety First: Domestic violence advocate Ruth Glenn (NCDSV) urges OP to install security cameras and notify schools/daycares of custody changes.
• Therapeutic Support: Child psychologist Dr. Vanessa Lapointe recommends trauma counseling for the children to process their father’s remarks.
• Financial Independence: Financial advisor Suze Orman emphasizes separating joint accounts and freezing shared credit lines to prevent sabotage.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Redditors overwhelmingly supported OP, condemning the ex-husband’s reproductive coercion and emotional abuse. Many praised her for prioritizing her health and children’s safety, while others shared similar stories of partners weaponizing paternity. Critics were scarce but questioned the abortion’s timing; most rebutted that OP’s near-death prior birth justified her choice.

This story is a gutting reminder that reproductive autonomy and emotional safety are non-negotiable in partnerships. While OP’s ex-husband frames her abortion as a betrayal, experts and readers alike argue she protected herself and her children from a toxic cycle.

But was ending the marriage without reconciliation too harsh? Or did his actions forfeit any right to forgiveness? Share your verdict below.

Resources for Support:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
• RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE
• Local women’s shelters and counseling centers