AITAH for firing the nanny because she keeps using my bathroom?
A Reddit user faced a tough decision when their live-in nanny repeatedly used the private bathroom in their bedroom despite being asked not to. After finding evidence that the nanny continued to break this simple rule, the user decided to fire her, but now wonders if the decision was too harsh. Read the full story below to find out what happened…
‘ AITAH for firing the nanny because she keeps using my bathroom?’
I (31M) have a daughter (1). I’m a single dad so I hired a live in nanny (Emma, 27) to help take care of my daughter when I’m at work. When Emma moved in, I told her to please not enter my room and bathroom unless it was necessary. I didn’t want to look like a d**che by locking my doors so I just asked her to not enter my room.
I started realising that Emma would shower in my bathroom. I would come home and the floor of the shower would be wet and some stuff would be out of place. I’m a neat guy so I know I didn’t leave my sink like that, and water from my morning shower usually dries by the time I get home.
About 2 months ago, I get home and there’s blood and a tampon in my toilet. I mean I knew that Emma had been using my bathroom but it hadn’t hit me till then. I left my room and asked her if her bathroom works ok, if the shower is fine and all. She said yeah it’s fine. I asked why she had been using mine then.
She looked at me without answering for a few seconds then said “sorry, I won’t do it again”. I accepted that and told her to let me know if there’s something she wants changed or fixed in her bathroom and we’ll get to it. 2 days later, blood and a tampon in my toilet, and a wet shower floor, again. At this point I got very agitated.
She had gone to bed by the time I noticed so I asked her about it the next morning before I left for work. I asked her why she had used my bathroom again if there’s nothing wrong with her bathroom. She said the same thing she said before “sorry, I won’t do it again”.
I told her frankly if she enters my room or bathroom without a good reason again, I’m not going to be willing to have her in my home anymore and we can cancel the contract. Things were fine for a while after that. I thought of just locking my door but I wanted to see if she’d actually keep her word and not enter my room or bathroom again.
She didn’t (from what I could tell) so it was fine. On Saturday, I took my daughter to the park and the plan was to run my errands after that but my daughter got really fussy so we just came back home. When we walked through the door, I heard a door shut upstairs, footsteps, then another door opening and closing.
I thought maybe she had gone to my daughters room for something but when I entered my room, there was an empty coffee mug on my bedside table. It wasn’t mine. Nothing else was out of place or weird but that was evidence enough that she had been in my room again. I asked her why she had been in my room this time.
She didn’t say anything and just stared at me. I said I’ve had enough of her not following a very simple rule and I don’t want to be uncomfortable in my own home because of her. I said we will cancel the contract and I will pay her the fee for that. She didn’t argue with me or defend herself.
I told my two friends what happened because I asked them to help me find a new nanny. They laughed and asked if I’m seriously firing her over something like that. They said she didn’t steal anything or do anything terrible so it’s stupid for me to have fired her. I thought I was totally justified but they’ve made me rethink it a bit now. AITAH?
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
BeneficialDark1662 − It sounds like she’s convinced herself that there’s more to this than a live-in job. Sounds a bit unhinged tbh.
domestic_pickle − My wild brain tells me she’s pretending to be your wife in her little fantasy world.. ETA: Thanks for the award. Also, glad I’m not the only one. This is bunny-boiling territory, OP. Legit suggestions: speak to a lawyer. Change locks. Keep vigilant. Best of luck, OP, and may The Force be with you.
BethanyBluebird − NTA; this isn’t ‘ oh the Nanny let the kid watch TV for 4 hours instead of 2’ or ‘ oh Nanny gave the kid a piece of chocolate when the kid isn’t allowed any candy’ sort of rulebreak; you set a part of the house as off limits for privacy reasons and she invaded your privacy multiple times.
This is a straight up breach of trust and privacy on her part and super weird tbh; any time I’ve watched a kid I avoid the parents’ room like it has cooties unless I’m forced to chase a s**t gremlin in there for a game or because children are awful, there’s no reason she should be using your personal shower or be in your bed??
sensationalisation − The staring without answering a question asked is the weirdest part, like my kid does this when he knows he has to admit he fucked up lol
caffeinejunkie123 − So you went out and she made herself a coffee which she drank while hanging out on YOUR BED???!!!! Oh HELL no. Is it possible she was having some kind of illusion about three of you being a family? This is really weird behaviour. You got your key back, right?
imothro − NTA at all. When somebody *you entrust with a young child* refuses to obey house rules and repeatedly and intentionally crosses boundaries about something as simple as bathroom use, you have to wonder what else they are doing that is in defiance of norms and rules.
The simple fact of the matter is that you cannot and should not trust somebody who has proven to be untrustworthy with the care of your child. This was not just one simple mistake, but repeated, intentional boundary smashing. So yeah, she’s gotta go. Your friends are really weird for not getting that. I take it they don’t have young kids?
Recent-Box3060 − Idk where you live, but it might be a good idea to phrase this differently to avoid giving people the impression that you fired her on questionable grounds.
It’s this simple: You don’t trust the nanny because she has demonstrated that she doesn’t stick to her promises. You cant allow someone you don’t trust to look after your child. NTA
Fine_Pen9308 − NTA – also as a dad to two females and a homeowner I got to say why the ‘eff is there tampons in the toilet?!?! You never flush them! They will jack up your plumbing. That to me is unforgivable. I may be triggered after my last $1500 plumber bill due to flushed tampons.
queenlegolas − So are you missing anything in your room? Or your home in general? Anything stolen? Or worse, I’m worried she has a thing for you and has been having creepy fantasies about you. Has she been sleeping in your bed too? Wearing your clothes? Your cologne? Your shower products?
Is she sniffing your stuff, or wanting to smell like you? Trying to take advantage because you’re single? Check everything. Any hidden devices? Cameras? This woman was flushing feminine hygiene products in your bathroom too. That’s a massive bill to fix.. Change your locks right NOW. NTAH. Could the child’s mom help somehow? Is she in the picture?
plushrush − NYA in all caps! This is super creepy, there’s something in her head that is overwhelming her ability to keep her word or even hearing you. She’s not married to you, she doesn’t get to be in your personal space – but she’s determined. Why? It’s creepy af! Nta at all (put in all caps for emphasis)
Do you think the Redditor overreacted by firing the nanny for repeatedly using his private bathroom, or was it a fair decision to protect personal boundaries in his own home? How would you handle the situation? Share your thoughts below!