AITAH for exposing my parents when they forgot about me on their wedding? (Update)?
After exposing her parents for excluding her from their wedding, a 17-year-old received overwhelming support online and turned to her loving grandmother for guidance. Her grandmother and uncle, deeply upset by the treatment, decided to visit her unannounced to address the situation with her parents.
Meanwhile, the girl made plans to move out and begin a fresh chapter with the support of a friend. While grateful for her grandmother’s support, she’s worried about the toll the trip might take on her. read the original story below…
For those who haven’t read the original article : https://aita.pics/yrKlf
‘ AITAH for exposing my parents when they forgot about me on their wedding? (Update)?’
Hi everyone! I wanted to write an update earlier but I’m still kind of a mess at the moment, but I figured since my post had such an overwhelming response and so many people commented and sent me messages that I should write about the latest developments.
First of all, let me start by thanking all that commented on my post and shard their own experiences or points of view on my situation. Thank you so much, a few days ago I could barely find the energy to get out of bed and my family’s comments had made me really believe that I was guilty for all that had passed but,
after seeing the responses to my post and all the support you guys were giving me, I felt somewhat reaffirmed in my actions and feelings towards my family. I’m still fighting the feelings of guilt and depression but whenever I start to spiral I think on how much this community of strangers has had my back and I try to calm myself down with your words.
Thanks to your input and advice I finally decided to call my grandma and tell her the full story. Just to clarify a point before going on, I said this in the comments, but I feel like I should put it here also, my grandma(77f) did not attend the wedding;
She lives several states away and has mobility issues so she doesn’t travel anymore; We went to visit her around easter and that’s when she commented that I might read a poem at the ceremony but that was the last time I saw her in person before all this.
She’s always been very loving to me and has called out my parents in the past for their favoritism but is hard for her to play a more active role in my upbringing since she lives so far, and I am always worried about bothering her due to her age and health condition (She had a minor stroke a few years back and is now back to normal, but I still worry).
Anyway I called her and laid out everything that had happened with the wedding and how my parents didn’t even buy me a ticket to go with them. She came to the same conclusion that most commenters did when I told her that, that it was simply impossible that they had forgotten and that they did it on purpose.
I cried on the phone with her, laying out how I was feeling, how this has been going on forever, how I feel in the aftermath and most importantly about my need to get out.
She was extremely sweet and comforting to me and told me that I had nothing else to worry about because she had my back 100% and told me to take it easy but make plans for my future and that she’d help me.
After that conversation, which lasted about two hours, I felt better, and I decided to listen to her and start moving to figure something out for the next schoolyear. I have a friend who is going to lease a studio next to our future campus.
She has a great relationship with her parents, but she has 5 younger siblings and wants to be more independent so that’s why she decided to move out. I asked her if I could move in with her temporarily and that I would pay her rent as soon as I got a job.
She immediately accepted and told me not to worry about rent or anything else until I was in a better position, and we had a good cry together when I told her all about my parent’s wedding incident. So this all happened a couple days ago, and I was planning on doing the update then,
but my grandma called my parents and my siblings to lecture them about how they were treating me. My brother just sent me a text afterwards with a half hearted apologize saying that he didn’t know I wasn’t included and that he just thought I wouldn’t have fun on the trip and then I posted the pic just to create drama.
My sister on the other hand berated me and told me that I kept trying to make public my own problems and pinning them on my family when they are all innocent. It has been weird with my parents ever since they came back from the trip and, at first they berated me and were furious with me and, after that, we’ve just been ignoring each other.
After my grandma called them they came into my room telling me that if I wanted to put this whole issue to rest I should shut up about it and that this could all had already blown over if only I had kept my mouth shut.
I just asked them to leave my room and then I called my grandma again to tell her what had gone down. She then told me that she and my uncle had bought plane tickets to come down to see me.
This was something that I was actually scared about because my grandma’s health is not the best and this kind of effort is a lot for her, and I know how complicated it is for her to get on a plane so I tried to dissuade her from coming and told her everything would be okay,
but she wouldn’t listen and told me that she was long overdue a conversation with my parents and that she wanted to see me. I’m stressed for her, and I feel again like I forced her to take a long uncomfortable trip because of me and that maybe I should have dealt with this myself.
I do want to see her, and I wish for nothing more than to hug her right now, but I’m worried about her. At least my uncle (mom’s older brother) is coming with her, but I hope she doesn’t exhaust herself or nothing happens to her because that would break me.
They arrive tomorrow and have not informed my parents of their trip, my grandma asked me to keep it until she gets here. I hope she is able to make my parents see the mistake in their actions or, at the very least, help me break the news to them that I’m moving out very soon, and I plan on being no contact with them.
I don’t know, I’m worried about her having to do so much for me and bothering her but I also appreciate and love her so much for doing all this for me.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Actual-Offer-127 − My brother just sent me a text afterwards with a half hearted apologize saying that he didn’t know I wasn’t included and that he just thought I wouldn’t have fun . This right here proves they purposely left you out. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I’m happy you are moving out though! That’s awesome and something to look forward to. While your grandma is on your side I don’t expect your sister, brother or parents to ever admit any wrong doing. Do not hold out hope on that.
They might pretend while your grandma is there but that will change when they leave. You cannot change them. But you can change yourself. You can distance yourself and do what’s best for you. If your extended family is really willing to help I would say to them “to protect my own mental health,
I’d rather not see or talk to my parents and brother and sister again until I’m ready. They’ve shown my time and time again that I’m an after thought and that they don’t care about me. I’d rather be around people who do.” I would say that right in front of all of them.
OceanBreeze_123 − Your first concern is your grandma, ohh OP you are the sweetest kindest person! You definitely didn’t inherit your parents genes!
Your grandma is fired up for you, this is helping her health not hurting it.
She’s got a purpose and a grandchild to go to bat for… and she feels needed 💕 She’s going to give them a smackdown and we’re all rooting for it OP!
butterfly-garden − OP, I want you to remember something. Your grandmother (who is awesome, btw) didn’t attend your parents’ wedding because of her health issues, but she is getting on a plane FOR YOU. That’s how much she loves you. Let her do what she feels is right!
Liu1845 − Question. Did your parents pay for your siblings college? If yes, do they have money put aside for your college? I’m guessing the answer is no, they do not.
Grandma might want to mention to your parents that if they don’t they will surely get roasted by the entire extended family as it will no doubt become public knowledge, one way or another. Can you go live with your grandmother? That might be your best solution.
Own-Ad-6180 − Educating children is a never ending job. Your grandmother is doing her job as a mother. It’s not a you problem but a problem she has with her son/daughter. They are the ones in the wrong unfortunately you are just suffering the consequences of their actions.
Yes it’s sad that at this age she still has to be scolding and resolving their bad behavior of adults! Your parents are trash I am sorry to tell you. I want to beat sense into them but I am afraid that it wouldn’t work, same with your grandmother. I do not think their perspective will change or their sentiment.
Like your sister. I think the hopeful resolution that you are looking for is not realistic. You have 2 choices put it under the rug and live with their n**lect and lack of love, or just take a very uncomfortable step and take a step back and separate yourself from them. Family can be created.
You have your grandma and your friend, and you are so young still, just live your life giving to those who give you back. Don’t waste your good heart and love on undeserving people. Create your own.
They lost the privilege to be your parents and if you want to give back in an uncompromising way just start calling them by their names. Like thank you Lisa. Can you please close the door John. I swear it will get on their nerves and if they say something just say ok.
Don’t argue don’t retaliate don’t give them anything. Just ask for money is they provide you with that now. Protect yourself and that’s it. Stop fighting for something that has clearly shown you that doesn’t want you! It’s sad it’s heartbreaking and despairing but it’s the reality.
THIS IS NOT A REFLECTION OF YOU! It’s a reflection of them! You are lovable and respectable ! More than we can say about them.
xanif − Yeah it could have blown over if you kept your mouth shut which is what they wanted because now it’s out there how awful they are. They can’t hide this behind closed doors anymore. Be ready for this to get worse before it gets better, though.
AbsoluteWreck98 − Parents: Oh no, we’re experiencing consequences for ignoring and lying about OP! We need to get her to shut up before our actions make us look bad! NTA before, even HARDER NTA now. I know you feel guilty about your grandma, but she’s coming down for a good reason and knows EXACTLY what she’s doing.. UpdateMe!
EvenSpoonier − I’m so sorry to hear this. It really does sound like you weren’t forgotten; you were the s**pegoat. I’m glad to hear your grandmother has your back.
Wide_Ordinary4078 − It’s a shame your parents have conditioned you to being uncomfortable with help. You’ve probably had to rely on yourself so much because of their constant disappointment. It’s upsetting because it has brainwashed you to think that you aren’t important enough for help.
So you feel guilted by your Grandma and Uncle coming to your rescue, when you shouldn’t! Family, true family, would go through fire to help one another out. Love with family should be unconditional. Sweetheart you are worthy of love, concern and protection! Don’t ever think less than that!
Please do whatever you can to plan your exit and go to college and thrive! You can create your own family along the way of great friends and mentors along with the love of your life. I’ll end this with the full quote of “blood is thicker than water” because I believe that applies here!
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Meaning chosen bonds are more significant than those that are inherited!
I_wanna_be_anemone − Time to be practical. Pack your things, prioritising the most important belongings in easy to carry backpacks/bags and such. Or have them in piles ready to be placed in bags to moment you get hold of one.
Depending on how volatile your parents become during grandmas intervention, they may kick you out or demand grandma take you with her. Now we can all hope that won’t happen, but it *could*, so better to be prepared. Consider it spring cleaning a few seasons late.
Prioritise social security number, birth certificate (take a scan or photo if removing it is too difficult), any money or accounts of yours that parents have access to (prepare to ask uncle or granny to open a new account to move all your money to,
take screenshots and send them to yourself with the date featured so that if parents steal from you then you have proof). I’m not in the USA so if any locals could offer more suggestions please do.
See if you can get a hard drive to back up anything you’d need from the home computer/or pack your laptop if you have one (you’re looking for photos, schoolwork, music, in that order).
Make a note of your schools details/address/email/phone number somewhere accessible, makes it easier for someone like your grandma to handle if you’re having a well deserved cry while she sorts things.
Focus on packing the most sentimental things first, the things that will break your heart if they’re thrown out or destroyed if you have to leave the house. Having them all in one place packed up will make it easier if parents do try to kick you out, as you won’t be beating yourself up for leaving anything behind out of panic.
Look at YouTube packing tutorials, there’s a ton of hints and tips. Clothes can be replaced fairly easily, so can toiletries. Try to pack at least one outfit and a toothbrush in your emergency bag, throw in a few pads for good measure. Add a few spare pairs of underwear in side pockets.
Anything that you could replace, take photos of it, books, dvds, games you can’t pack and so on. It’s all things you could handle later. If you desperately want to take DVD’s or game discs, buy one of those cd travel bags and pack the dvd discs, leave the cases behind.
Get vacuum bags if you can for any plushies, it saves *so* much space. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. OP, if anything happens to grandma while she’s travelling to kick your parents ass, it’s not your fault.
It’s their’s for being such pathetic disgusting excuses for human beings that they made an old lady fly over to rip them a new one. All this could have been avoided by your parents not being a**sive assholes. Good luck.
Do you think her grandmother’s intervention will make a difference? Share your thoughts below!
For those who want to read Update 2: https://aita.pics/IAIjU
And update 3: https://aita.pics/dOhRM
