AITAH for calling off my wedding because my fiance wanted to invite her ex?
A man called off his wedding after his fiancée expressed a desire to invite her ex to the ceremony. She explained that she wanted to show him how well she was doing with someone better. This upset the man, who felt the focus would shift to her ex rather than their union.
Although she apologized, he started reconsidering their entire relationship after the heated exchange. Read the original story below…
‘ AITAH for calling off my wedding because my fiance wanted to invite her ex?’
My fiancée wanted to invite an ex to our wedding. From what i know, he was a d**k who always put her down and told her that he was the best she could ever do.
Naturally, I asked her why the hell does she want him at our wedding. She said she wanted to shove it in his face that she did amazingly for her self, and she got someone way better.While I appreciated the compliment, I asked her:
Are you really so hung up on him that you’re gonna make our wedding about him? Honestly, once I said it, it was like someone else told me. I didn’t even realized what I was saying, and I didn’t even understand it until I said it. I told her that she shouldn’t bother to invite him because we weren’t getting married anymore.
She was stunned, and eventually apoligized and told me to forget about her ex. I felt angry and almost told her she’s the one who needs to forger about him.
Idk, she spent the day telling me that she’s sorry for bringing it up. I’ll be honest, I’m even reconsidering the entire relationship now.
Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:
Alice-Shea − NTA for calling off the wedding, if her fixation on her ex raised serious doubts about the relationship. The fact that she wanted to invite him to “shove it in his face” shows that she’s still emotionally tied to proving something to him!
gts_2022 − NTA. She let you know she’s not over her ex yet. That’s why she wants to exhibit you to him like a prize or a trophy. What does she expect to happen after that? Does she intend him to come to her regretting he lost her, but now he’s a different person and things could work between them?
She didn’t make her marriage about him for no reason. She didn’t even consider it would be your marriage, too. You did the right thing by reconsidering your relationship. She’s not ready to marry. At least not with you. There should not be a third person in her mind when planning such an important step.
Lovely_Cassandra − You’re NTA for feeling uncomfortable with your fiancée wanting to invite her ex. It’s your wedding, and it’s okay to want it to be about celebrating your love with the people who support you, not about proving something to someone from the past.
It’s great that she apologized, but it’s also important to address the underlying issue of her still seeming to be hung up on her ex. Open and honest communication is crucial for a healthy relationship.
Eastern_Condition863 − NTA. It seems like she’s only getting married to stick it to her ex. Not mature enough for marriage imo. Anyone still hung up on Revenge Of The Ex’s shouldn’t be getting married.
Top-Industry-7051 − You need to work out if this was a momentary impulse, where the idea of rubbing it in his face seemed appealing but actually in realityland she’d rather never see him again, or if this is something she’d thought long and hard about and considered revenge.
Either could be true from what you wrote but in the first case I think the impulse could be forgiven.
LostInNothingBox − NTA. Is she even with you cause she loves you? Or she just wants to prove her ex wrong?
advancered − When he said “he was the best she could ever do.”, she believed him.
TreyBouchet − NTA. Any idea if she stalks his socials, checks up on him with friends, etc? I think you are wise to delay the wedding, pull back for a bit. Your feelings about the wedding becoming about proving something to the ex is spot on, would make me super uncomfortable, and I’d need to be positive that she is over this guy. Sadly it does not sound like she is.
Recent-Lion-8614 − NTA. You are very much justified to want to reflect as the wedding is no longer about the you and her. It seems like she want to prove a point that she did better. I think you have to open up a line of communication.
NotAnAIOrAmI − My fiancé blew up at me when I suggested inviting my ex to the wedding. I get it, I really do—it sounds strange, and maybe it was a little bold. But I wanted to prove something, to show him that the guy who used to put me down, belittle me, and make me feel like I was lucky just to have him, didn’t win.
I wanted him to see how well I’ve done for myself, how I’m about to marry someone so much better, someone who values me. So I told my fiancé why I wanted my ex there.
I expected him to understand. Instead, he looked at me like I’d lost my mind and asked why I was so hung up on my ex that I’d want to make *our* wedding about him. His words cut me. I hadn’t seen it that way before he said it, but hearing it from him made me realize just how badly I’d misjudged the situation.
And then, out of nowhere, he told me we weren’t getting married anymore. I couldn’t believe it. I stood there stunned, my heart sinking as I realized how much I’d hurt him. He was angry, and I could see that in his eyes. I immediately apologized, told him to forget about my ex, that it was a stupid idea.
But deep down, I could feel the shift, like something between us had broken. I spent the rest of the day apologizing, trying to make it right, but I could tell he was still upset.
And now, I don’t know where we stand. He hasn’t said anything outright, but I can sense that he’s reconsidering everything. Maybe I was wrong to bring it up, but I never thought it would put our entire relationship at risk.
Was his reaction justified, or did he overreact? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!
