AITAH for blanking my ex-fiance?

A Reddit user, a 44-year-old man, shared an awkward encounter with his ex-fiancée while on a date night with his wife. After briefly introducing his ex-fiancée as a former coworker, his ex appeared hurt, and later sent him a message calling him out for being dismissive. Now, he’s questioning whether he handled the situation poorly or if he owes his ex anything more than basic courtesy. Read the full story below for more insight into this dilemma.

‘ AITAH for blanking my ex-fiance?’

I (M44) have been with my wife for 14 years, married for 10. Before we go together I was engaged to another woman and the relationship ended badly. My ex-fiance cheated while she was away on holidays with her girlfriends and then broke the engagement off in a pretty s**tty way a few months before the wedding.

I was single for about three years after that before I met my (now) wife. My wife knows I was engaged before we met, although I haven’t really told her anything about the relationship outside of saying that we met at work and split up because my ex cheated… I didn’t think the details were important.

I also haven’t been in contact with my ex-fiance other than exchanging a few emails in the year after breaking up. Anyway, this is where s**t gets weird. Last week I was out with my wife at a bar in the city on date night and ran into my ex. I was chatting with my wife while sitting at the bar and heard a woman say my name.

When I turned around, my ex-fiance was standing there and my brain froze when I saw her. My wife shook her hand and introduced herself, then asked how we knew each other and I replied “we used to work together”. My ex-fiance laughed and replied that there was a bit more to it than that. I shrugged and said there wasn’t really.

She looked pretty hurt but said goodnight and left us alone after that. After she was gone I explained who she was to my wife and we went back to date night, but the vibe was kind of ruined. Yesterday I got a text from my ex-fiance calling me an a**hole for the way I’d introduced her to my wife.

She’d gotten my number from a mutual friend and I had no idea who she was at first since I didn’t have her in my contacts. I showed the text to my wife and she agreed that I was kind of rude. This is dredging up a lot of old feelings that I really didn’t want to have brought up again, and I don’t feel like I owe my ex-fiance anything outside of the basic courtesy I’d give any former acquaintance. Am I the a**hole here?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Accordingtowho2021 −  NTA. If my cheating ex came up to my table trying to act like an acquaintance , I would have been like “wtf do you want?’. But I’m very blunt at times. Also the cheating was very horrible. Why do you, as the person who was cheated on, need to be nice to protect the feelings of the c**ater? People can say … Oh well that means you aren’t over it and need help. That’s not true, you can be over it but not want their presence. I loved the way you handled it.

bippityboppitynope −  NTA, I’m petty. I’d write back “Sorry, I didn’t think to say This is the woman who decided to hop on random d**k before we got married so I broke up with her for being a moral-less AH. I was trying to save you the explanation of being a s**tty person in public. My bad. Next time I promise I will loudly introduce you as the whore I almost married before you couldn’t keep your legs closed but thankfully didn’t give me a disease as a parting present.”

Ok-Try-857 −  NTA. You weren’t rude to her at all. It would have been very rude to introduce her to your wife as your ex fiancée imo.  It was rude of your ex to even approach you. Why would she think you would want to speak to her at all? You didn’t mend fences and become friends then drift apart.

The fact that she got your number from a mutual just to text you and say you’re rude is beyond inappropriate as well.  You’re already giving her more attention than she deserves, but it’s attention she’d likely be happy to hear about you and your wife giving her.

AZDarkknight −  NTA – In the words of GOTYE, she was someone that you used to know. You dont owe her anything.

RacingWomen −  **NTA**. You don’t owe your ex-fiance anything, especially considering how the relationship ended.

thaigoodlife −  NTA- So let let me get this straight- she cheated on you WHILE engaged to you then broke up with you. And now she says you’re an AH because you didn’t introduce her like she demands. Talk about a self-absorbed, e**itled, narcissistic a**hole. Anything you said beyond eff off was way too polite.

Solid-Feature-7678 −  NTA. It was a reaction to the moment. Send Ex a text back and ask if next time you introduce her as Lying Cheating W@#$.

Ok_Stable7501 −  You were taken by surprise and panicked. NTA

BellaSantiago1975 −  “Now you’re just somebody that I used to know”. NTA. She cheated, it’s been over for more than a decade. Honestly, she has a hide even approaching you.

Thick_Secretary3701 −  NTA why your wife had pity for your ex fiancé who cheated on you I have no idea. Also drop the mutual friend because they helped your ex who wronged you to bring more drama into your life. They’re her friend not yours. You were actually super polite compared to if you would have said the actual truth of who she was.

Tell your wife she needs to have your back not your exs. With the way I hold grudges for people who hurt the people I love I could never understand her line of thinking for agreeing with your ex. I don’t like this. You owe your ex nothing. The fact she even had the nerve to say hi after what she did to you is crazy.

Do you think the user was right to keep the introduction brief, or was he dismissive in how he handled the situation? How would you react if you ran into an ex in front of your current partner? Share your thoughts below!