AITAH for being hesitant to pay my friend for dinner SHE invited me to?

A Reddit user shares their experience of being invited to a friend’s cooking night, only to later receive a Venmo request for $9.42 to cover groceries used during the dinner. Confused by the unexpected charge, especially since their friend is wealthy and they’ve hosted her before without asking for payment, the user wonders if their hesitation to pay makes them the bad guy. Read the full story below to weigh in.

‘ AITAH for being hesitant to pay my friend for dinner SHE invited me to?’

Hi so i (19F) have a friend (20F) i’m really close with at college. she’s one of those extremely rich international students and sometimes she acts out of touch, especially with what she did recently…

Basically she wanted to have a “cooking night”at her apartment and invited me and one of her friends to join. the plan was that we all cook dinner together and eat. honestly i wasn’t feeling up to cooking because i had a super long day with classes. so i told her i wont be able to come.

later, she sends me photos of them cooking and then photos of the food prepared on the table. she then called asking me to still join them. i was reluctant but she was insistent so i decided why not.

So i go to her apartment, and the 3 of us have a good dinner. it was actually fun. However, it got weird after i went back home and immediately received a text from her asking me to “ venmo her $9.42 for groceries used”?? my first thought was wtf bc i thought i was being invited to dinner with my friend not a f**king restaurant.

if i knew i was being charged for dinner, i would have had even more reason to stay home. it’s even more frustrating because she’s eaten dinner at my apartment before and it never crossed my mind to “charge her for it.” and idk if thats just bc i come from a low income background and was taught to be kind when it comes to money.

im trying to make sense of why she’s charging me and the only thing that comes to mind is that i didn’t help them cook and still ate? i highly doubt she asked the other person there to venmo her…

like i said, she’s very well off- like she dropped $53000 on her car all cash. so its not like she’s in a desperate situation for $9 – which makes it more confusing that she would do this. she just venmo requested me, and i really wanna know if im wrong by being hesitant to pay? i def will pay because i still value the friendship but i find this kind of weird…

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

mytinykitten −  NTA. She’s the AH. Regardless of financial situation, you don’t invite your friends to a dinner at your house and then expect them to pay after the fact without prior communication.

Fresh_Process6822 −  NTA. This is not about her coming from a wealthier background. It’s also not about you declining to cook. No one should invite someone to their place to eat and then charge the invited guest. If your friend wanted people to contribute for groceries, that info should be part of the invitation.

Tally0987654321 −  NTA Unfortunately, friend may have ruined your friendship over $9. You don’t invite someone to dinner without explicitly saying they are charging you. Let alone, badger them into coming. I’d always remember this and be hesitant to go to anything of theirs after this

Reasonable-Sale8611 −  She badgered you into coming and then billed you for it. Just no. You want to charge someone for dinner, you tell them the amount BEFOREHAND, and you certainly don’t badger them into coming and then spring a bill on them.

Also, you have cooked dinner for her without charging her, so she is not being a good friend here. Personally, I would lean towards don’t pay. But, she is wealthy and that usually means socially powerful, so if you choose not to pay then maybe she’ll turn all your other friends against you or something like that (because your other friends want to be around someone wealthy and maybe are hoping they’ll get to join in her nice lifestyle).

So your best bet might be to: (a) pay, but (b) point out that you have had her over for dinner and never charged her and that she’s not exactly acting in the spirit of the friendship, and most importantly, (c) always be very busy any other time she wants to invite you to dinner again. You can’t afford to be friends with this person!

CrinklyPacket −  NTA. Ew. That’s bad etiquette. Venmo her the cash and consider it a friendship severance fee. I’d say no to any future dinners with her.

real_boiled_cabbage2 −  There’s a rich person for you. That money is literally the only thing on the earth they cherish and value.

edebby −  NTA. It doesn’t relate to her being rich at all. When you invite someone to a meal, you don’t ask for a fee.. Such a weird thing to do

marlonfishie −  NTA. Your friend may have money, but she lacks class. She invites you to diner at her place, twice, insisting that you join them. Then sends you a f**king bill? That’s weird. If this is a friend you truly value, instead of just sending her the money, approach her about this. Especially since, as you stated, she has eaten at your place for free…

ApprehensiveBook4214 −  NTA.  “Friend I came as a favor to you.  You do not get to spend my money for me.  Since you never mentioned charging for this dinner I, of course, can’t assume the normal costs of hosting.  This is very poor manners on your part.  Please remove me from any future fundraising dinners you choose to have.”

No_Huckleberry2350 −  NTA, but why don’t you VENMO her back for all of the nights she ate at your place.

Was it reasonable for the friend to request reimbursement for dinner, or does inviting someone imply covering the cost? How would you navigate a situation like this with a close friend? Share your thoughts in the comments below!