AITAH for approaching women at the bar while my wife was talking another man?

Navigating social interactions at a bar can sometimes become a microcosm of larger relationship dynamics. In this story, our OP, a 36-year-old man, recounts a somewhat awkward evening at a bar with his wife, where he felt sidelined during a conversation with another man. After using the restroom, he returned to find his wife chatting with a guy at the bar—without any introduction, leaving him feeling like a third wheel.

Wanting to join in and feeling ignored, he ended up striking out on his own by approaching two women for conversation. When his wife noticed, she gave him a death stare and eventually pulled him away, leaving him to wonder if his behavior made him an asshole. Is his attempt to balance the situation justified, or should he have handled it differently?

‘AITAH for approaching women at the bar while my wife was talking another man?’

 

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationship dynamics, explains, “In social settings, especially in environments like bars where conversation is fluid, it’s common for misunderstandings to arise about intent and participation. Feeling like a third wheel is an emotional experience that can lead to reactive behavior. The key is communication—if you feel excluded, discussing it openly with your partner is far more productive than seeking validation elsewhere.” (kidshealth.org)

Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “Each partner’s experience at a social event can be different. If one person is naturally more outgoing or is approached by others, it doesn’t give the other person a free pass to seek alternative interactions in a way that might hurt the relationship. It’s important to negotiate social boundaries together rather than acting independently.

While OP’s feelings of being left out are understandable, it’s essential to address these issues with clear, honest communication rather than letting them escalate into conflict.” Both experts agree that while feeling ignored can be frustrating, the best way forward is to discuss feelings openly with your partner, rather than taking actions that might create further distance or misunderstandings.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Many redditors empathize with OP’s experience of feeling like a third wheel, noting that it can sting when your partner’s social interactions leave you out of the loop. “Feeling sidelined is rough—but it might be a good time to talk about how you’re feeling instead of winging it,” one commenter wrote.

Ultimately, the OP’s feelings of exclusion are understandable, but his reaction—approaching other women as a way to cope—might have complicated things further. While it’s natural to seek connection when feeling left out, the situation could have been handled better with a direct conversation with his wife about his feelings of being ignored.

What do you think? Is it fair to seek validation from others when you feel sidelined by your partner, or should you always address these issues directly? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?