AITA: Wife(24F)thinks I’m(32M)being sneaky because I don’t want her and the boys to come on my work trips ?

A Reddit user, who enjoys his well-paying job that involves travel, shared his frustration with his wife, who wants to accompany him on his work trips. While the user sometimes brings his wife and kids along, he prefers to go solo on these trips, as it allows him time to relax and focus on work.

His wife suspects he’s being sneaky and has raised concerns, but the user feels that adding family to the trip turns it into a vacation, where he is expected to juggle work and family time. Read the original story below.

‘ AITA: Wife(24F)thinks I’m(32M)being sneaky because I don’t want her and the boys to come on my work trips ?’

I’ve very fortunate to work a job that pays well and allows me to travel the world doing what I love . But sometimes with a wife and two boys and job that requires you to travel isn’t ideal . But I’m not interested in other work because like I said it’s what I love and I’m lucky and blessed financially.

Sometimes I bring my wife and children on the trips but this time I decided not to and my wife is gettig suspicious and thinks I’m being sneaky. Honestly I don’t blame her I can understand where she’s coming from.

Lovers get jealous/see red flags and ask questions I understand that I’ve had my moments of jealously too but the truth is I don’t want to bring her and the kids because it stops being a work trip and a becomes a vacation where I also got to work WHILE ALSO catering to her and the boys in her mind it’s like in her mind I’m not working.

Instead of a three day trip where I go to work and come back home it now becomes a week plus long vacation where we have to do all the tourist things I’ve done a million times for the last several years. A vacation with two boys isn’t the most peaceful vacation in the world either. But she thinks I’m being sneaky.

But the truth is I rather go do what I have to do , watch some tv in the hotel room without the boys screaming , smoke some weed and come back to my family in a couple days. I do enjoy the small periods alone but It’s not like I have some secret family I’m traveling to see nor am I planning trips to purposely get away but when it happens I do enjoy it by myself.

This has caused suspicion and a riff in my household. Should I just tell her to come ? But wouldn’t that be more suspicious? Like she caught me ? Does that mean I can’t take any trips without them anymore I have to bring them everytime? No more solo work trips ?

I’ve gone on this trips long before even meeting my wife What should I do? We have a pretty strong relationship and I would hate for something so small to cause us problems . TLDR : don’t want wife to come on work trips with me she believes I’m being sneaky

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

_parenda_ −  YTA. You want your cake and to eat it too. You picked a young woman who you thought would be satisfied with being a stay at home mom and not make demands on you, but unfortunately, you should’ve just found woman you enjoy for moments and not look for some long-term white picket fence situation that does not work for you.

You say you appreciate your wife, but when does she get her small periods away from the family to smoke some weed and have some space and not deal with being probably the one doing all of the labor to allow you to live the life you live?

Fancy_Cheek_4790 −  It doesn’t sound like you’re being sneaky but you seem to enjoy the single life a lot.

anonoaw −  You’re not the a**hole for not wanting them to come on work trips, because a work trip is not a vacation. But YTA for continuously leaving your wife at home with two young children with seemingly zero understanding on how hard that is for her.

Plus you don’t seem to actually like having a wife and kids. The point of having a family is to actually spend time with your family, not to jet off round the world and smoke weed and watch telly and do your own thing.

Also you talk about you having seen the sights a million times, but presumably your wife and kids haven’t. Instead of bringing them in your work trips, organise proper family holidays so your wife and kids get to experience the world like you have.

And make sure your wife gets plenty of alone time too. When you’re not travelling for work, give your wife opportunities to go on a trip with her friends or have a weekend to herself or whatever.

Comfortable–Box −  Of course YTA. “A vacation with two boys isn’t the most peaceful in the world”…yeah, have you tried raising them alone whilst your partner goes off on jollies abroad? Your wife is basically a single mother. Why did you even bother getting married or having kids if you enjoy watching TV in the hotel room alone so much?

I think if you genuinely love your family and want to fix this, the only real solution is to cease travelling for work, and start showing up as a father and a husband more, take more responsibility with the kids and give your wife a break since that’s what she’s been doing for you for however long.

Sad-Handle9410 −  How long have you been together? Because if you got together when she was 18 and you were 26, you had at least 6 years of doing all the touristy stuff by yourself a million times as an adult. What about her? Has she had a million times to enjoy them?

Or at 19/20 did she knocked up immediately and never get to actually enjoy adulthood without kids? Why does it matter that you’ve gotten to do all the touristy stuff? And when does she get the chance to do this otherwise? How often are you taking her on non-work vacations? How often are you the only one parenting while she goes off for 3 days?

wetcherri −  YTA for marrying someone so much younger than you and being surprised when she acts her age.

the_orig_princess −  How old are your kids? How old were you when you got together?

bubblesthehorse −  quick question, how often does your wife get 3 days off without the boys, in a hotel with a stash of weed?

Magically_theebee −  You seem to enjoy a lot of downtime away from the responsibility of life as a parent. Do you create the same opportunities for your wife?? NTA for not bringing your wife on a work trip. YWBTA if you leave your wife with double the responsibility frequently without the option for some downtime herself.

owltower22 −  Info: does your wife get to go on trips or spend time alone? Cause I’d be more pissed that you get to go spend time alone and relax after work on your trip if I also didn’t get some off time from the boys and responsibilities.

I grew up with a mom who traveled monthly for work. We always went with her for her yearly meeting travel though. My mom also called home every day she was away to talk to the kids and my dad.

Was the user wrong for wanting solo time on work trips, or is it reasonable to want family to join? How would you balance work responsibilities and family expectations in this situation? Share your thoughts below!