AITA If I get in between my husband and his mom

A Reddit user wonders if they’d be the AH for wanting to pin their husband at his upcoming academy graduation, a meaningful moment shared between spouses, while their mother-in-law expresses a strong desire to participate. The user feels conflicted between their own role as his partner and respecting their MIL’s wishes. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA If I get in between my husband and his mom ‘

My husband has an academy graduation coming up soon and I was mentioning to my mil and a couple other family members how I was excited to pin him at his graduation, its basically it’s a part of the graduation where the wives or spouses/chosen family members go up and pin the graduating cadet.

Since it’s been a long time of late nights and long days with him dedicating himself to the academy and me holding it down for our kids it’s a special moment to celebrate him and say he did it! we did it! Well I was told by another family member in the conversation that I’ll actually get to pin him twice,

one at the graduation and one with his job (don’t quote me it may be somewhere else but it’s two pins) well then my mil quickly says “ well then you can do one and I can do one since I didn’t get to with my (name) ex husband “ she said that her exs mom did his.

I didn’t say much and left it at that but as much as I would like to let her I would also like to do both since one would be in front of his graduating class and one is with his actual job, which I feel like is also important because it’s in front of the people who he’ll be working with for a very long time now..

I feel like since im his wife, the person who he went through this academy with who he has his house, his family with and has been with for years now I should be able to just do both I know it would mean a lot for her too so I feel bad but I just don’t feel like it’s her place anymore,

also I’m pretty sure she got to pin him when he graduated fire academy( before we were together ).. my husband will with out a doubt do whatever I want so I know he wouldn’t care if she doesn’t but it might also hurt her feelings..

i know this post is about me and my mil but ultimately the day is only about my husband and his great accomplishment I’m very proud of all the hard work he’s done and don’t want to do anything that would cause any drama or take anyway from his moment.. Would I be an a**hole if I didn’t let her?.

See what others had to share with OP:

unlovelyladybartleby −  YTA for not having this conversation with your husband. It’s his achievement, his special day, and he should get to decide how things go down

pottersquash −  YTA for not having this convo directly with her. Of course it will hurt her feelings, its something she wants to do and in the moment I betcha you left it with her thinking you were ok with it. You can shift this to hubs, but the noble thing is to own up that you thought about it and you want to do both.

kwyl −  nta and she’s wrong to “invite” herself to do one of the pins. having said that, how much did she help y’all during his time in the academy? did she pick up slack and help make the journey easier on y’all in a significant way for the duration?

if she didn’t do any major lifting to help your young family reach this milestone then she’s out. if she played a good role in helping y’all get to this point maybe let her do one (i’d say ceremony for her and the job for you) but she’s still wrong for putting you in this position.

analyst19 −  ESH. MIL for being demanding and stirring up sh\*t with your ex-husband. You for not addressing this with your husband and MIL directly.
This is your husband’s accomplishment. Let him decide who pins him and when, and respect his decision.

prevknamy −  YTA to yourself for dealing with this at all. Discuss with your husband. Have him choose who does it and go from there.

rockology_adam −  NAH, because in the end, whatever you and MIL think, it’s your husband who decides. You can say that he will let you choose, but in the end, that’s just how he’s making the decision. Is the question here that you are PLANNING to tell your husband that you want to do both pins without letting him discuss it with his mother?

hat’s a bit petty. I don’t know that it’s A-hole level, but knowing that she wants to do it and claiming it before she can is a bit petty. Your best bet is to tell your husband you would like to do both, let his mother say her part, and then let him decide.

NoZookeepergame5131 −  Ask Hubby and you two decide together. How old are your kids?? Maybe one of them would like to do one. Maybe you can say, I am pinning one and I am helping (child) do 2nd pinning at his father’s request. Just a thought.. Give us an update!!

KateIrwin −  NAH. Yes, you are his more immediate family now but she’s still his mother and it’s valid that she wants to continue to celebrate his accomplishments with him. She shouldn’t have assumed it like that though, she should have reached out to your husband and said she would like to do one and asked permission.

It’s your husband’s day and even if he tells you you can decide, you should press him and if he wants his mom involved you decide which she’s does.
Ultimately, if I were in your shoes, I would let her do the graduation one and do the work one myself as it’s in front of people he’ll continue to be around.

KWS1461 −  Talk to hubby. He needs to decide.

chaenukyun −  I think you’re both better off being honest with her, and letting her know you’re doing the pinning ceremonies.

Should the user prioritize her bond as a spouse or compromise to avoid upsetting her MIL? How would you navigate balancing family roles during a significant milestone like this? Share your thoughts below!