AITA getting boho braids as a bridesmaid when the bride asked me not to?

When it comes to wedding aesthetics, the bride often has specific ideas about hairstyles and overall “look” for her bridal party. But what if a friend’s request—“Wear your natural hair, not braids”—clashes with the only Black bridesmaid’s comfort and desire for an easily managed style? This dilemma underscores how personal and cultural considerations can collide with a bride’s desire for visual uniformity on the big day.

In this situation, a bridesmaid planned to get “boho braids” to keep her hair both stylish and manageable. The bride asked her to wear her hair “natural” to maintain a cohesive look among all bridesmaids—potentially not realizing the complexity and time involved in managing natural Black hair. Now, the bridesmaid feels torn between honoring the bride’s request and sticking with a hairstyle that suits her best.

‘AITA getting boho braids as a bridesmaid when the bride asked me not to?’

I am in a wedding this fall and I sent a text to the bride letting her know I will have my boho braids in at that time and won’t need my hair done at the wedding. I also let her know I could style them however she wanted me to! I know some brides like hair up or half up and I am more than happy to do any style she wants.

She responded asking if I could wear my natural hair instead so that everyone can be uniform. I will be the only black bridesmaid at the wedding and feel like most styles will not be uniform by nature. My natural hair can be hard to manage at events that last all day and I didn’t want to be dealing with it. So I mentioned I would feel more comfortable in the braids.

She is currently not responding but is telling others she is upset and thinks I am making it all about me. I really tried to be there for her leading up, I planned her bachelorette party, helped set up for her bridal shower and have helped with random wedding tasks.

Wondering if I should just not get the braids since she is the bride and it is her day. Or keep my appointment and get them since that will make me feel more comfortable and I will style them however she wants.

While it’s natural for a bride to have preferences about her wedding party’s attire or hairstyles, Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, highlights the importance of considering personal comfort and cultural factors. “When bridesmaids all have different hair textures, a strict uniform hairstyle can become more complicated than the bride realizes,” explains Dr. Orbuch. “It’s crucial to have open, empathetic dialogue about how each person can look and feel their best.”

In this case, the bridesmaid’s boho braids not only reflect her personal style but also address practical needs: ease of maintenance, comfort during a day-long event, and alignment with her hair type. “Cultural identity and comfort shouldn’t be dismissed simply because the bride wants uniformity,” says Dr. Maya Caldwell, a psychologist focusing on diversity and relationships. She notes that hair is a deeply personal topic, especially for Black women who may spend considerable time and resources maintaining particular styles.

If the bride insists on a uniform look, Dr. Caldwell recommends exploring middle ground. “Ask the bride about her exact vision—perhaps she envisions updos with floral pins or half-up styles. Show photos of how boho braids can be styled to match that aesthetic.” It could be a matter of educating the bride on the versatility of braids: they can be pinned up, adorned with similar accessories, or styled in a way that blends with the rest of the group.

In the end, “good communication is everything,” says Dr. Orbuch. “If you calmly explain why braids are your preferred option—mentioning manageability and your comfort—it may open the bride’s eyes to the realities of hair texture.” Ideally, a bride values her friend’s happiness and comfort just as much as a unified look. Working together to find a solution can honor both the wedding’s style goals and the bridesmaid’s identity.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Commenters largely support the bridesmaid, pointing out that natural hair (or manipulated hair) might be more difficult to maintain for a long, busy wedding day. Some emphasize how braids can still be styled uniformly—just as someone with straight or wavy hair might use extensions or curling irons. Others note that asking the only Black bridesmaid to abandon a protective style can come off as insensitive, especially if the bride doesn’t fully understand the complexity of caring for natural hair.

Diabloceratops −  NTA. Does she know what boho braids look like? You can definitely style them how everyone else’s will be. Does she want everyone’s hair straight?

NextWishbone1404 −  Oh, boy. If there is one thing I as a white woman will not do it is tell a Black woman how to wear her hair. NTA.

4games1 −  NTA. I am really white, so please excuse the ignorance… are the braids not your natural hair? I mean, are you getting pink extensions in the braids? I do not understand why this is a problem.

terpischore761 −  NTA. go get your braids done. I’m a bit amazed that y’all are close enough friends for you to be her bridesmaid, but not close enough for her to know that your natural hair won’t match her other bridesmaids hair. Does she just not notice? If it’s really a big deal to her, she can use her words and talk to you directly about it. Otherwise, she’s just venting to blow off steam.

Maddy_egg7 −  NTA I would ensure that she understands the style options with boho braids versus with your natural hair and also maybe explain that if she isn’t hiring a stylist that can do black hair than, your hair will be significantly harder to have a uniform style in addition to having it be harder to manager. I think this is just ignorance on the bride’s part of what goes into styling.

Loquacious555 −  NTA. Being the only black bridesmaid kind of means your hair will be different when it’s natural. Boho braids can look really nice. As long as they don’t look jankie I think you should get them. She can get over herself.

[Reddit User] −  NTA.  I get bridesmaids wearing the same dress, but making them look like clones is ridiculous. No one is going to give a crap what the bridesmaids’ hair look like as long as it’s neat. The bride has a vision, but the number of people gushing about her wedding two days after it happened is one -her.

SqueakyStella −  When she says to wear your natural hair, does she mean your honest natural hair or does she mean the processed and straightened to look like a white person’s hair? If I understand correctly, those are two very, very different things and achieving them requires very, very different products, processes, and damage to your hair. I say get the braids as you planned. You are NTA. She is a giant AH, especially with the “poor me” attitude.. 😻

chaenukyun −  Honestly, as the only Black bridesmaid, you’d likely have a better chance of achieving a uniformed hairstyle with braids, especially if your hair type is 4A — 4C. While not everyone with these hair textures finds them challenging to manage, they can be. As you mentioned, the style might not always hold well on your natural hair.

It’s common for bridal styles to involve extensions or hair coloring to achieve a particular look. Since you mentioned being the only Black bridesmaid, is the bride also not Black?

She might not be aware of the versatility of styling braids. If she doesn’t want the hair that’s left out to be curly, could you consider pick-and-drop braids with straight hair left out instead? Also, what hairstyle does she want for all the bridesmaids? NTA because it’s a bit more complex than simply following directions as a bridesmaid.

13surgeries −  Send her photos of boho braids without labeling them as “boho braids” and ask if that hairstyle would be OK with her? I think she’s ignorantly imagining something very different than what you’re planning.

If she still balks, send her a photo of yourself when you were having a bad hair day to let her know that’s what she’s asking you to risk. She does seem awfully naive and self-centered. Ugh. I hope this is the last issue you have with her.

Ultimately, it’s crucial to balance the bride’s vision with respect for each bridesmaid’s comfort, style, and cultural considerations. Whether it’s boho braids or natural hair, open and empathetic communication can help both parties find common ground—like a braided updo that aligns with the bride’s requested style. Have you ever navigated wedding “uniform” requests that overlooked personal or cultural needs? Share your experiences and insights in the comments. Sometimes, a simple conversation with photo examples is all it takes to strike harmony.