AITA for wanting to keep an expensive birthday gift that makes my boyfriend uncomfortable?
A Reddit user is caught in a dilemma after receiving a heartfelt and valuable birthday gift from a long-time friend, which has made her boyfriend uncomfortable. As the argument over the gift escalates, she wonders if she is being unreasonable for wanting to keep it. Read her full story below and see what you think about this tricky situation.
‘ AITA for wanting to keep an expensive birthday gift that makes my boyfriend uncomfortable?’
I (F just turned 25) have a friend, “Logan” (M25), and we’ve been friends since we were 7/8. I have a boyfriend “Matt” who I’ve been dating for 7 months. My birthday was last week, and I had a dinner party for some friends before we all went out to a club.
There was 8 of including Logan and Matt. We had a little bit of a “gift opening” before dessert, and Logan gifted me an old copy of The Great Gatsby. The book has a special significance to us, because for many years Logan and I lived in different countries.
We kept in contact, but we didn’t see each other in person for about 4 years. We finally got our parents to agree for me to fly to his country to visit in 2013.
We were talking about what we were going to do on the visit and I really wanted to go and see The Great Gatsby movie, which had just come out, as it is my favourite book. Logan had never even heard of it, and I said he had to read it before we went to see the movie.
Logan was never academic, and to this day it is the only fiction book he’s ever read all the way through (not counting children’s books). Whenever I ask him to do me a favour he always replies with “I read The Great Gatsby for you, so I may as well” and it’s a running joke.
We always go big on birthdays but this book means so much to me. The day after, Matt said he felt the book was an inappropriate gift, because of how expensive it is.
I tried to explain to him that it’s just a sentimental gift and that the cost isn’t the point, but Matt said he feels weird that another man gifted me something that costs more than his car. This argument went on for a long time and Matt said that he thinks I should return the book, and if it means so much to both of us then Logan can keep it. I told him to grow up.
We’ve been having this fight on and off for a week. Matt’s saying that it’s reasonable for him to be uncomfortable but I think he’s being a jealous child. It’s not like Logan gave me a giant diamond necklace just to show off, he gave me something heartfelt that means the world to me, and I think that should be more important than the fact that Matt thinks it’s outside what he deems an acceptable budget.
My mother is saying to give Matt the benefit of the doubt and maybe ask Logan to keep the book for now and if one day Matt is more secure I can take it back. My dad is saying Matt’s an i**ot. My girlfriends are split. This argument is just dragging on and I’m leaving for my birthday trip tomorrow and I just need some perspective on whether I’m being unreasonable wanting to keep the book?.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Beck2010 − Your dad is a smart man – listen to him. Logan gave you a gift that holds sentimental significance to both of you. If it had been a girlfriend who had given it to you, Matt wouldn’t care. He cares only because he’s jealous.. NTA. Keep the book. And, to put a little perspective on how Matt needs to stay in his own lane:
– you’ve known/been with Matt for 7 months
– Logan has been your friend for 204 months
Logan is a long term friend; Matt has been in your life for a hot minute. Edited to add: Please secure the book! Matt may destroy it, hide it, or even sell it. And maybe you should break up with Matt. Per your mother, he’s insecure.
DragonflyOk9277 − NTA. It’s a lovely and thoughtful gift. His insecurities are his to deal with. Perhaps Reddit has ruined me a bit, but please keep the book in a safe place for now so Matt can’t do something like selling it behind your back.
ARandomDouchy − NTA. Matt’s being a child. It’s a BOOK, an expensive one, but a BOOK. One that means a lot to you. Don’t listen to him, keep it.
[Reddit User] − It’s only been 7 months and he’s already trying to control your life ? D**p him asap….nta
WingShooter_28ga − This space is wild to me. You reverse the sexes and it’s a pick me girl or a home wrecker trying to steal your man. Are we sure Logan is cool with “just friends” NAH. Keep the book (good insurance policy if nothing else) but I can totally see where your bf is coming from and his feelings are valid.
He is insecure in your relationship. He should be, you have been together 7 months. Your friend has a much closer and longer relationship with you than he does (inside running joke that isn’t terribly funny or witty).
word-word-num − ESH – If this is the first time he’s spent this much money on you, it’s a blatant power move by Logan to make Matt feel insecure and humiliate him in front of your friends, combined with a big romantic gesture. It simultaneously says “look how much money I’m willing to spend on OP” and “look how much closer OP and I are than you are with OP”.
If it was about the sentiment, it didn’t have to be a super old copy of the book. Matt is being insecure and trying to make you return the book as a proxy for seeking assurance you don’t reciprocate Logan’s romantic feelings. He’s not being clear about how he really feels and he’s interpreting your refusal to return the book as a sign that you have feelings for Logan.
You’re also an AH for making this about just the book and not giving Matt any reassurances about you and Logan. Yes he’s being insecure, but imagine how you’d feel if a close long time female friend of Matt gave him an overtly generous gift in a similar way. Are you telling us you wouldn’t feel threatened in the same way?
You don’t have to return the book to give Matt appropriate assurance, and if Logan is a true friend and there’s no romantic feelings on his part, he’d understand and feel bad for making Matt feel bad.
BoringMongoose4296 − NTA – a lifelong friend doing something thoughtful trumps a seven month insecure boyfriend. Be careful of that book and don’t keep it around the boyfriend. He sounds as if he will hurt it or throw it away.. EDIT: spelling
HelicopterMean1070 − MAtt’s issues is not about the price o value of the book (hol’up, it costs more than a car?!?! WOT??), it’s about the **sentimental value** in it.
Any other boyfriend you would have that actually cares about you **IS** gonna feel **threatened** and jelous about such an **emotional gift.**
Seriously, Logan has a thing for you and you should have noticed this by now. Dude doesn’t even like reading, but read for you, and he made it clear it was only cause you asked. Because of you. **that’s a romantic gesture**, men rarely go that far just for a friend, even a best friend.
If my memmory doesnt fail me, the Great Gatsby is about a dude lying and cheating his way to getting rich in order to get the girl… Do you not see the paralles here? I’m reading lots of mixed messages from you on this post. I think you’re confused.
I also think your friends have come to this conclusion as well, hence why they are divided on this. OP, I think you should decide what you really want in a relationship first of all. If you do want to be with Matt, I think some bounderies should be estabilished with Logan.
Otherwise, if you’re “on the fence”, you should actually be more honest with yourself and d**p Matt, because he doesn’t seem to be “the one” and he deserves to be with somenone who wants only him. I don’t think YTA, but you’re not exactly guilty free here. You should be more honest with yourself, with logan and your boyfriend .
bayesedstats − Let’s do the math here. Take a super close male friend + him giving a super, super sentimental gift to you + that gift being insanely expensive = Logan 100% is into you. YTA and if I was Matt, I would run the opposite direction from this situation. Don’t be surprised when Logan reaches out to “comfort you” after you break up.
Dammit_Janet5 − Just… how much did this book cost??? I don’t blame Matt at all coz Logan apparently spent more money than **a car** costs. WTF. I’m gonna say NTA, but from Matt’s perspective it may as well be a giant diamond necklace.
Do you think it’s fair for her boyfriend to feel uncomfortable with the gift, or is he being too jealous and insecure? How would you handle this situation if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
