AITA for wanting my wife to quit her habit after quoting mine?

A Redditor recently shared a dilemma about health habits within his marriage. After his wife convinced him to quit drinking energy drinks due to their potential health risks, he successfully kicked the habit. Now, he’s wondering if it’s fair to ask her to quit vaping as well, especially given her own past concerns about health.

When he brought it up, however, she wasn’t open to the discussion, leaving him to wonder if he’s being unreasonable. Read the story below to see the full situation.

‘ AITA for wanting my wife to quit her habit after quoting mine?’

I (40M) recently quit drinking energy drinks because my wife (38F) said how bad they are for you and that I have also suffered previously from Kidney stones. I don’t get them all the time mind you, but I have had them twice in my life and the last bout about 8 months ago was brutal.

I didn’t like how she came at me when arguing about it, but upon some reflection I conceded because she is 100% correct and I really don’t have a good argument other than I really enjoyed how they taste. I decided to stop drinking them and have gone 2 weeks so far without any and plan on abstaining from drinking them anymore.

I ended up quitting energy drinks the same time she went on a trip for about a week. During that time, I decided that she should also quit her habit of Vaping as well, since that is also very bad for your health IMO, not to mention that it costs much more than me drinking one energy drink per day.

She previously was a Smoker and a few years ago transitioned to Vaping. I wished then that she quit cold turkey, but much preferred Vaping to Smoking, so I was content.

She was a smoker for years before I met her and I have accepted it; especially since we have had several arguments in the past about how she should quit and it never ends well. She always gets angry immediately and shuts down and is unwilling to talk and if I press, she becomes irate.

So when she got back from her week long trip, I brought it up to here that I stopped drinking energy drinks and that I think she should quit too, using the same arguments she used against me. It of course went exactly the same way that the previous requests went, which is nowhere and again she shut down and would not talk about it at all.

I think that I am valid and it is a comparable request, but since she doesn’t think so and how unwilling she is to have a conversation, I am rethinking my position. AITA for thinking she should quit as well and is just being a h**ocrite?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

big-as-a-mountain −  Are you worried about her health, or are you angry because your relationship is not tit for tat. Either way, nicotine is a lot harder to quit than energy drinks, like *a lot*.

You are not asking the same thing, and expecting it to happen on the same timeline is not reasonable. There is a difference between a habit and an addiction.

SoMuchMoreEagle −  YTA While I agree that vaping isn’t good for her at all and she should quit, addiction isn’t and shouldn’t be a quid-pro-quo thing. It’s not “you give up x and I’ll give up y.” Yes, energy drinks are addictive, but not to the same level of nicotin*.
Also, you’ve quit for 2 weeks. While that was probably very hard for you, it’s still hasn’t been very long. Don’t get so self-righteous.

Connect_Tackle299 −  Yall need to sit down with a counselor and figure out how to actually communicate with eachother.

Rohini_rambles −  **I ended up quitting energy drinks** the same time she went on a trip for about a week. **During that time, I decided that she should also quit** her habit of Vaping as well, since that is also very bad for your health IMO,. YTA.

You only wanted this as a way to make her give up something too.. you decided?? if she told you to resume your drinks if you wanted, you’d totally not care about her habit.

Background_Ruin_3631 −  Is it possible to have ESH and NAH at the same time? I think ESH, because every person has habits that are bad for them. You can lay out all the reasons to quit, and they can be valid, but if that person isn’t ready to quit, it’s their decision.

Good for you for finally quit drinking energy drinks. That said, you didn’t technically quit “for her”, you quit for you. You care about your health. She isn’t ready yet, and if she isn’t willing to quit vaping for the same reasons she quoted you, that says a lot about her.

That said, if you keep harping on it, it won’t fare well for your relationship, either. She will need to come to terms with her hypocrisy, but some people are okay with being hypocrites since much of the time there aren’t any real consequences for being one.

[Reddit User] −  YTA for just deciding since YOU had to/decided to quit having energy drinks, she had to quit something she does. Your motivation wasn’t her health, it was, “she has been nagging me about monsters/redbull/etc, she has to stop vaping since I quit drinking them” it is purely a tit-for-tat or me vs her attitude that isn’t good for the relationship.

Ok-Acanthaceae5744 −  NTA – Your wife is addicted to nicotine. And arguing with an addict about how unhealthy their addiction is is a losing battle. You can use all the logic and facts, but it won’t make a difference if they don’t want to give up their addiction.

Ok_Sleep8579 −  ESH for making either of these an argument. Its fair to have an occasional even keel straightforward talk about health, but to use health to try to control one another and argue isn’t cool.

DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA −  NTA. This reminds me of an episode of the Loud House (nieces love it and I lowkey do too) where the three oldest sisters called out their partner’s habit to make them “fabulous”. However, when said partners called out their habits they were upset about it. In the end they accepted each other’s habits.

That said, it is completely unfair for your wife to get mad you for suggesting she quit vaping for health reasons when she suggested you stop drinking energy drinks for health reasons. Your wife is being a h**ocrite

WifeofBath1984 −  You said you decided she would quit lol that’s not gonna work at all. Of course you’re not an a**hole for wanting your wife to quit vaping. But it’s not a decision you can make for her. She has to be the one to decide, just like you did when you stopped drinking energy drinks.