AITA for wanting christmas morning to ourselves?

A Redditor and her partner, parents to two young children, have spent the last five years hosting a hectic Christmas Day with visits and meals for multiple family members.

This year, she wants Christmas morning to herself and her immediate family but is facing resistance, especially as her partner’s dad has invited himself over. While she’s frustrated with the demands, her partner thinks saying no is rude. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for wanting christmas morning to ourselves?’

Me and my partner have 2 young children and since our eldest’s 2nd christmas we have stopped lugging the kids around to see everyone and let them stay home christmas day to play with their new toys etc. For the last 5 years we have hosted christmas dinner and because everyone wants to see the kids we end up hosting about 12 people every year.

Both sets of our parents are separated so we have to make time to see them separately and it all gets a bit too much. This tear my partners Dad is having xmas dinner with his sister but his mum cant go there because they don’t get along. So even though i have said i am not cooking for everyone again he has invited his mum.

My dad has invited himself along with my 2 brothers. We are seeing my mum on xmas eve for a bit but his Dad wants to come on xmas morning before he goes out for dinner. I have said no because we end up with a constant train of people then in the house and won’t get a minute to ourselves,

he won’t tell him no because “its rude” i don’t think it is rude I actually think it is more rude to think you are entitled to come over. I just want the morning to chill with my kids before the chaos of cooking for everyone and not being able to relax for the rest of the day unfolds!

Its ok for him he doesn’t cook just lays around with a beer all day doing naff all. And i am putting my foot down next year and saying no to dinner but we can see people in the evening!

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

mononokegirl_ −  Easy Solution – if you husband wants to open the doors for everyone to come over and then have dinner, he can host and then cook.
Just refuse to do anything and have a nice chill day. NTA

PrintOk8045 −  NTA. These Christmas mornings with little ones are few and fleeting. Soak it all up now because they’ll be gone before you know it.

Mmmm_Cheese_ −  Also just to add, not a single person on his side or mine offers to contribute so they all expect an all expenses paid 3 course meal and a free bar!! Not even to help dish up or serve. I feel like this Christmas may be the one where i blow!

rockology_adam −  NTA. You can’t be obligated to be hostess and chef for people he invites over that you don’t want to host. It’s important to note that that doesn’t mean he can’t invite them over. You two have an impasse here. He wants people to come over and you don’t, and this particular call you can’t straight veto. It’s your family home.

He has as much right to have people over as you would, and “don’t do that” isn’t really a call you get to make unilaterally. It should be a discussion and there should either be understanding or compromise but that’s not really important to this judgement.

Because if your husband wants to host people with an open door policy as he seems to want, then he has to host. Obligating you to host is where you get complete autonomy to say “Nah, I’m not going to do that.” Remove yourself, or just sit back and relax. You’re on vacation/holiday, and will be until you change your mind, probably around Boxing Day.

You’re not getting out of bed for visitors, you’re not cooking or providing for visitors. You are going to focus on you and yours for the morning at least.
The real issue you have here is that you and your husband don’t agree on whether you should hold Xmas morning for yourselves or not,

and while this year is probably too late to make adjustments to, your “putting down of foot” next year is meaningless, just like any objections were this year, unless you and your husband are on the same page.

This is why your husband is the A-hole here, even if I agree with his stance more (holidays are for family, IMO), he shouldn’t be unilaterally inviting people any more than you have a unilateral veto.

fiestafan73 −  Much of this seems to stem from your family not being able to get along with each other, none of which is your fault. Tell your husband that you will have a set period of time on Christmas to host people to visit, and there will be no separate times for people just because they can’t get their s**t together and act like adults,

nor will there be any running around all over the place to satisfy those people. It is exhausting, and it is not fair to your kids. If your set visitation time doesn’t work for people, OH WELL! That’s on them. And if he wants food at this, tell him he can cook or order pizza. NTA.

grapefruitviolin −  NTA – i think it becoming the norm for most families I don’t think just having the morning alone is an unreasonable ask when you’re going to be cooking for the rest of the day and entertaining with little help.

Eastern_Condition863 −  NTA. You need to set the boundaries now. NO ONE comes over before noon. You are free to come as you please, but if your ex is here, we will not be playing gatekeeper. Either get along or don’t come. Also, I will not be serving dinner. We can all chip in on a pizza, but there will be no home cooked meal because I’m taking the day off.

LibraryMegan −  I’m so confused. You said you weren’t cooking for everyone, and then you said you were. If you don’t want people over in the morning and you don’t want to cook a big meal for them, just give everyone a time frame to drop by.

“We’d love to see you! Drop by between 1:00 and 4:00. We’ll have coffee and cookies for you!” The end. You don’t need to manage divorced parents. If they run into each other, they can be adult enough to get along for a few minutes or they can leave.

diminishingpatience −  NTA. You should be able to enjoy time together without interruptions.

real_jaztec −  NTA, we keep hard boundaries on the holidays as well. Before you know it every living minute is planned and there is no “happy spirit” left from exhaustion. Like other commenters said, if he really is so adamant on hosting he can do the cooking as well

Balancing family traditions and personal boundaries during the holidays can be tricky. Is it unreasonable for this mom to want a quiet Christmas morning with her children, or should she be more accommodating to family expectations? Share your thoughts below!