AITA for tipping our waitress 20 dollars despite her poor service, because my date was playing a “game” with her tips?

A Reddit user shared their experience of a disastrous first date where their companion decided to “motivate” their waitress by placing a tip on the table and deducting money for every mistake.

Shocked and embarrassed by this behavior, the user gave the waitress a generous $20 tip to compensate for the treatment, leading to an argument with their date. Read the full story below to decide if they were in the wrong.

‘ AITA for tipping our waitress 20 dollars despite her poor service, because my date was playing a “game” with her tips?’

I met a guy on a dating app, we hit it off and we arranged for our first date. Things were going well, we had sat down and had started some small chat. Our waitress comes over asking us what we want to order.

I say what I want and gesture to him so he can order. He orders and then pulls what I think is about 15 dollars on the table. He says “This is your tip. Everytime you mess up, I take some away”. The waitress looked nervous immediately.

I’m sitting there a bit shocked, but mostly embarrassed because I wasn’t expecting this. She must have been new as well, because she did spill some drinks on our table that night, gave us the wrong food, and overall just seemed lost.

He took away 13 dollars. I asked him why he thought doing tips this way was a good idea. He said it was the best way to ensure “good service”. When I disagreed he said “Cant always be nice to these people, it’s not a respectable job”.

I decided then that I wanted nothing to do with him, and called the waitress over to get the bill. I slapped a 20 dollar bill in her hand and got up to pay for my own meal.

Later that night he had demanded to know why I had given her the tip despite her poor service and I told him it’s because he decided to treat her livelihood like it was a game. He said because of me she’ll never improve her service and that I’m just a people pleaser. I blocked him, but I’ve wondered ever since if that was really the right thing to do.. AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

JudgeJed100 −  NTA – so he made her nervous, which likely made her service worse. Then, then he has the absolute gal to say“Can’t always be nice to these people, it’s not a respectable job”. What??? He is using the service she provides and yet insulting her and all the people who share the same job. Jesus above

HerosMuse −  NTA. That kind of game isn’t even remotely a good way to “ensure good service” it’s a good way to fluster your server into making even more mistakes cause they’re too hyper aware that they’re being judged.

synesthesiah −  NTA. That kind of “game” is only played by rude folk who have no respect for those they deem “below” them.
That poor waitstaff didn’t deserve to be treated like trash because of her job, because she was new, because she’s *human* and not a perfectly functioning robot.. Kindness is free.

Radiant-Chipmunk-987 −  NTA.You were terrific…although as soon as I saw the “the game” I would have just left. why waste time, energy and talk on a p**ck?

Electronic_Trick_13 −  NTA. I wish that $20 in her hand wasn’t the only thing you slapped that night. Good on you for doing the right thing.

Cokeycane −  NTA – His way of tipping is a d**k move. I’ve heard of that before and if I was a waiter, I would be offended by this garbage and wouldn’t wait on him. It’s a horrible way to treat people.

Mind you, we’re still in the middle of a pandemic and things don’t go right. Restaurants are short staffed and not all food is available. She could “lose” tip money on things she cannot control. This is just b**lshit. Move on, lose that guy.

Environmental_Toe843 −  NTA – I’m glad you ditched the guy. That’s just cruel! “these people” who does this guy think he is!

lost-cannuck −  Nta – if he is willing to treat a stranger with that much disrespect, how is he going to treat you?

thirdtryisthecharm −  NTA. Bullet dodged with that guy.

amtaylor6779 −  NTA. He is though. First off, if she was new, he made her more nervous than she already was by playing this “game”, which I guarantee you led to her making her mistakes. Second, any job is a “respectable” job if it puts food on your table and pays your bills, to say otherwise is just delusional. I would have done the same thing. You are definitely NTA.

Do you think the Redditor was right to stand up for the waitress and walk away from the date, or was tipping generously despite poor service unnecessary? How would you handle a situation where someone treated tipping as a “game”?

Share your thoughts and join the conversation below!