AITA For telling stepsis to get over herself and people aren’t required to be miserable just because she is?
A frustrated teenager asked their stepsister, Savannah, to “get over herself” after years of failed attempts to connect. Savannah blames her stepdad for her biological parents’ divorce, refuses to engage, and often lashes out. Despite these difficulties, Savannah’s siblings have bonded with the stepchild, sparking her anger.
After one such instance, Savannah lashed out again, prompting the stepchild to deliver a blunt truth: life won’t revolve around her misery. This led to tension in the family, with their dad calling the delivery harsh while the stepmom supported the response. read the original story below.
‘ AITA For telling stepsis to get over herself and people aren’t required to be miserable just because she is?’
Stepsis Savannah is deadset on this fantasy that her bio parents would be together if not for my Dad, which is not the case at all. Savannah still won’t open up even when I’ve tried everything to connect with her. Basically, it’s always like this: I invited her to do something that I know she’d like. She’d rather stay home.
I got her a gift, she doesn’t want it. Throws it away right in front of us sometimes. I sent her a funny video, she’s flipping s**t with her Mom (‘Jane’) because she thinks the video is about her and accuses me of making fun of her. Basically, Savannah’s made it clear for 2 years now that she wants nothing to do with me.
So I’ve given up and just stay away from her ATP. My younger stepsibs did want to have a bond, so we spend a lot of time together. Last straw with Savannah was when I invited them to have a sibling day with friends. Savannah said she didn’t want her bio sibs to go.
Stepsibs wanted to go and parents approved, so we went. Savannah told me off when I got home because they’re her bio sibs and not mine. I’m so f**king fed up with her at this point. I told Savannah to get over herself. You’re 15 not 5.
Go ahead and keep ignoring your therapist and staying in your delusion where my Dad is evil and ruined your family. But the world doesn’t revolve around you and people are allowed to move on and be happy even if you decide you want to be miserable all the time.
Dad asked me if something was up because Savannah was obviously pissed and causing issues for everyone later. Which is when I explained what happened. Dad basically said he knows we’re frustrated with Savannah but my delivery was mean.
I think Dad’s being too sensitive and coddling Savannah because even Jane is on my side. Savannah has a therapist but never listens to them and it’s been years. Savannah is going to be a legal adult in 3 years and I think somebody needs to tell her straight.
She’s trying to force everyone else to be miserable but nobody is going to tolerate that once she’s out of school. AITA?
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
xxxdggxxx − Not really getting all the E S Hs. NTA imo. From your post it seems you’ve been trying to meet Savannah halfway for a while now and she’s shut down at every point. When she starts trying to dictate how you interact with other members of the family, she needs a reminder that it’s not her place to dictate it.
You pushed back after a prolonged episode of guilt tripping and resentment. I do think the blame lies squarely with your parents though. They’ve dropped the ball on helping her and left you to deal with an atmosphere of resentment which is not your fault.
horseandcat84 − NTA you are both young teens. Teens has problem with regulating their emotions in a good way and express themselfs in a “proper way”. Where you harsh in the way you talked to your stepsister? Yes, but it doesn’t make you an AH.
Your parents are the ones that should adress this and tell her to be civil to you and the other siblings. She doesn’t have to love you, but being respectful and civil when interacting with you is a minimum.
Her mum should adress her thoughts and dreams. Maybe it’s time to explain that even if she brakes up with your dad, she never will go back to the “bio-dad”
Ghost3022 − NTA. I was thinking you were 20 or 21 but to be this aware at 16 is awesome. Yes ahe absolutely can feel any way she wants. But it’s not ok to drag you guys with. She needed to be told that. You did that. If what you wrote is pretty much what you said, that’s a more mature response than some adult do. No you don’t need to tolerate her any longer!
LawyerDad1981 − NTA, completely.
justhereforaith − How did your dad and Jane get together?
Square-Minimum-6042 − NTA. You tried but she is determined to be miserable.
DrAniB20 − NTA. I appreciate you adding more context about the timeline of you dad getting together with Jane, when/why Jane broke up with Savanna’s bio dad, and the fact she’s been in therapy for more than half her life.
She’s beyond delusional at this point, and is starting to dictate how others should feel/act. You’ve been more than accommodating and patient with her.
Clear_Corgi_6081 − You are NTA, you are trying to get along with step siblings which is more than a lot of others do in other threads. You have constantly tried and have been rejected. She has chosen to ignore therapy and facts.
You are practically the same age and are showing a lot more maturity about the situation. Your step mother agrees with you which is refreshing. If step sis does not want a relationship now, leave it be. You have, rightfully, said your piece and it is up to her now.
scaldinghell − NTA. You’re young, you want to hang out with your new siblings and have a good relationship. If Savannah doesn’t want that, she is completely in the right not to, but the way she talked to you and acts seems like she wants to alienate you from her family as an outsider. I would recommend editing in your age though.
Was the blunt delivery necessary, or should compassion have been prioritized? How should families address unresolved resentment? Share your thoughts below!