AITA for telling someone to shut up and mind their own business?

A Redditor recounted an uncomfortable encounter at a party where their girlfriend’s brother’s new girlfriend kept pushing opinions about adoption on them. Despite repeated attempts to disengage, the woman criticized their adoption experience, insulted their adoptive parents, and tried to impose her anti-adoption views.

After politely deflecting failed, the user told her to “shut up and mind her own business,” prompting a scene. Now the girlfriend’s brother and his partner are accusing the user of being rude. Read the full story below to see how this tense situation unfolded.

‘ AITA for telling someone to shut up and mind their own business?’

My girlfriend (20f) and I (20m) were at a party at her brother’s (27m) house. Her brother’s new girlfriend (25f) was also there and she was really interested in talking to me. My girlfriend and I were confused by it but I was friendly until she got super pushy and wouldn’t back off.

I’m adopted. She’s adopted. She wanted to talk to a fellow adoptee and asked my story. Once she heard it she got really weird with me. She asked me if I had found my parents yet and I told her I didn’t need to find them, I knew my parents. They raised me. She rolled her eyes and told me those were my buyers, not my parents.

For context. I had the “worst adoption” one where I was adopted at birth and my parents “bought” me. Not quite what happened. I explained when she questioned stuff. But she ignored me. I was adopted privately. My birth people knew my parents and approached them about taking me since they didn’t want to be parents.

My parents did pay for my birth mother’s expenses and gave them some money during the rest of the pregnancy but I don’t feel bought, personally. And I don’t feel like my parents are monsters or some evil baby buying people.

My girlfriend told her she was being weird and it wasn’t a great way to meet us. She said the minute she found out I was adopted she knew we needed to meet and talk. My girlfriend tried to get her brother to intervene when his girlfriend wouldn’t leave it but he was drunk and not fit to do anything. I tried walking away but she followed us around.

She tried to spew all this anti-adoption stuff and she insulted my parents. I told her I was happy I was adopted. Didn’t want to hear s**t about my parent. She wanted me to open my eyes and told me I’d regret not finding my real family. I told her to shut up, she doesn’t know me, she doesn’t know my family, and she has no right to pester me about her opinion. I told her to mind her own business in future because nobody should be told how they feel.

She made a scene and we left. My girlfriends brother called a couple of days later and he said I really pissed off his girlfriend and why did I have to be so rude to her. She was just trying to engage adoptee to adoptee. My girlfriend told him she did a terrible job. Then his girlfriend started texting my girlfriend to tell me I was rude without a good reason.. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

TogarashiAhi −  NTA. According to your story you politely tried to evade a conversation you didn’t want to have, and eventually had to be blunt. You generally want to avoid responding to rudeness with another rudeness, but in this case it seems you had no choose other than letting this person ruin your night.

Specialist-Owl2660 −  NTA. She is a HUGE raging AH and you were 1000% more friendly then she deserved. She deserves no further communication from you aside from a “Fu\*\* Off” and your girlfriend should tell her the same.

StAlvis −  NTA. I’m adopted. She’s adopted. Ohhhh yeah. This is reasonably common AITA conflict, where expectations of a shared experience lead to complete disrespect for boundaries.

ImLittleNana −  I’m an adoptee. I would’ve told her to f**k right off and apologize to nobody about it. She sounds awful and the best thing that can happen is her getting pissed off and not wanting to be around you. Who likes this kind of person? Is she the best her brother can do? Give him a hug and tell him you’ll see him when he gets tired of her behavior. It’s probably not the only way she’s overbearing and rude. She wont last long when the new wears off.. NTA obviously.

LucifersLady666 −  NTA. She got super pushy and invasive. And when she realized you didn’t have the same experiences she did, she got pissy. Adopted is adopted, private or otherwise. Your decision to seek out your birth parents is your decision, no one else’s. As for telling her to STFU and to mind her own business. She started it. She can s**k it up.

Winter_Raisin_591 −  People who are adopted are allowed to feel however THEY feel about THEIR adoption story. If they have issues with that, they are more than welcome to take that up with their adoptive families and hash it out with a therapist who specializes in trauma and adoption.

They don’t get to decide that every adoptee must feel the same way and harass and harangue them if they push back because they in fact have no problem with their adoption story and have a good relationship with their family. NTA, and stay away from her as much as possible because she is unhinged. 

JessieColt −  NTA. “At least my bio parents cared enough about me to pick people they trusted to raise me as one of their own. Yours just dumped you into the system where some unknown strangers that they knew nothing about would pick you for free from a photo album full of pictures of babies, like some online Facebook free stuff marketplace or something.”

wlfwrtr −  NTA She was the one being rude. A party is not the place to bring it up. From your description it sounds like your birth parents were surrogates for your adoptive parents. Maybe in the future explain it that way. Brother’s GF had no right to pry into someone’s personal life when she was told to back off.

You had very good reason to be rude because she refused to listen when being told to leave you alone, she refused to allow you to walk away. Tell brother that if he hadn’t been so drunk when he was asked to help maybe it wouldn’t have gotten to the point of you feeling the need to be rude.

Lopsided-Highlight21 −  OP, nobody is entitled to the details of your past, your opinions, or your future plans. You even started by asking her politely to back off and she rudely continued badgering you. Being a host (or sibling of a host) does not excuse them from rude behavior. NTA.

Late_Description_268 −  NTA. I rarely think telling people to “shut up” is justified, but this is one of those cases. Dayum! I’m sorry this person felt compelled to spew her own unresolved trauma all over you. She was fully in the wrong here, and I think there is a lot of extra info to read here about who she is and how she functions in the world.

Steer clear of her as much as possible. If the brother thinks this kind of behavior is ok, then I’d be careful there too. Covering the expenses of a pregnant mother whose baby you’re going to adopt is not uncommon, and frankly should be expected out of common decency, when the situation allows. Your origin story sounds kind. Not exploitative.