AITA for telling my wife’s friends I make more money than her?

‘AITA for telling my wife’s friends I make more money than her?’

I, 25M, am married to my wife, Sasha, 28F. She comes from a pretty wealthy background while I decidedly do not. My dad left before I was born and my mum died when I was 11. I’ve mostly ‘gotten over it’, as much as one can, ‘get over’ something like that. However I’m still sensitive on any so called ‘jokes’ on that. I graduated summa c** laude, and went straight into investment banking.

I met my wife when I was 23, and fresh into it, but after 3 years I earn pretty well. My wife is a lawyer. Now I love my wife and she loves me (obviously) but her family hatess me. Like from the depths of their souls, hates me. I’ve been called a gold-digger, a low-life and a few more vague insults on my table-manners. I went to a ‘party’ with her the other day,

one of those fancy shmancy things where everyone drinks cHaMpAgNe and complains about this that and the other, talking about oh we spent sOoOOo much money on renovations, \*gasp\*. And I got the usual mild comments from wife’s family and close friends on where my wife ‘picked’ me up from. Lacy, I don’t think, knew about my family history before.

We were talking about dads, don’t ask me why and I got a question on what my dad did, I said I didn’t know, never met the guy. Lacy made this kind of exaggerated gasp and went ‘oohh, well we all know why you’re with her \[my wife\] then don’t we?’ I acted all confused and she got flustered, and just kept going with ‘well… you know’. My wife tried to move the conversation along but by this point I wasn’t letting it go,

I kept pushing, and pushing until Lacy finally said, ‘well you two don’t exactly have the same… finances do you’ and then responded with, you’re right. I make quite some more.
Lacy by this point was too embarrassed to keep going, I’d kind of ruined the vibe, but the night continued, this isn’t the kind of event you walk away from. We went home, which was when s**t genuinely went down.

She told me it was crazy of me to keep pushing on that point and turn one comment into one of them most embarrassing moments of her life and now everyone in her circle must think she’s some kind of failure to earn so much less than her husband, and I’d ruined everything. But its not like I lied. I’m just tired of being treated like s**t in her circle. My wife is upset though, and I do care about her, so I need to know, AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

SneakyRaid −  now everyone in her circle must think she’s some kind of failure to earn so much less than her husband
But she was perfectly fine letting everyone in her life think you were a failure that lives off her. She is also apparently perfectly fine letting them mock or insult you, the man she allegedly loves. Why is her image more important than your dignity and the respect for your marriage? A person can earn less than their wealthy partner and still be with them out of love, and she is allowing for that to be questioned.
NTA, both her and her circle sound vain, materialistic and classist, and I’m afraid those traits are going to be hard to change.

Spare-Article-396 −  NTA. First of all, your wife failed to stop this s**t and just expected you to take it? She didn’t speak up and say ‘hey that’s out of line’…where you two could have just walked away. She wanted *you* to overlook being looked down upon, because she felt looked down upon. She called that ‘the most embarrassing moments of her life’ bc she feels like a failure since you make more, which is wild considering what she expected you to endure.

PurplePinkBlue76 −  Honestly you’re not (NTA) but your wife is.
If this is her “circle” she should have stopped that Lacy immediately.
People think that you’re a gold digger because your wife lets them think about it.
She’s more worried about what people would think about her earnings than people talking bad about you

hubertburnette −  I grew up in a wealthy area, and the wealthiest guy of all used to drive a beater station wagon and wore flannel shirts everywhere. At my parents’ parties, men would come up to him and brag about how wealthy they were and then patronizingly ask what he did. He’d say, “I work in a factory.” That was technically true, except he worked in *a lot* of factories. That he owned (he was pretty hands-on.) Other people who knew were laughing at the braggart, who never got the joke.
I have told that story a couple of times at apt moments. Or sometimes I say, “I was taught it’s rude to brag or ask about money.” It usually doesn’t work.
Those people have their facts wrong, and you corrected the facts. They are AH, who are embarrassed that they stepped on a rake. You are NTA.
Why has your wife been putting up with this? *She* should have long ago told her family the situation, and shut their s**t down fast. Is she as insecure as her brother?

Tami-112 −  NTA. Good of you to stand up for yourself. Everyone seems to have it in their heads that you’re with her for her money. I’m curious why your wife was allowing this disrespect to continue. I’m also curious why she’s worried her circle will think of her as a failure for earning less than you. So I guess she’s OK with them thinking you earn less than her? Now I’m wondering if she loved it when friends and family thought she earned more. What kind of relationship is this? As a married woman, I would never stand by and allow my husband to be disrespected by my family or friends. I’m still stuck on the statement, “People will think I’m a failure for earning less than you.” Both of you need to sit and talk about this constant disrespect and her feelings on the matter. It shouldn’t matter who earns more or less. But why is she worried if others know she earns less? Are you inferior to her in some way?

WestCovina1234 −  NTA, but I wonder whether you should rethink your entire marriage. It sounds like not only does your wife’s family treat you badly, but she allows it to keep happening, which is nearly as bad. Why doesn’t she care about/respect you enough to put a stop to the constant trashing? She’s embarrassed that people know you earn more than she does, but she’s not angered by her family and close friends treating you like dirt? That’s just not ok.

Sea-Tea-4130 −  NTA-Her friends didn’t mind embarrassing you and your wife didn’t shut it down the moment it started, so yea for standing up for yourself and putting ppl in their place.

Time-Diet-3197 −  This reads as fake, in my experience wealthy people aren’t that dumb. If you were actually an IB hardo people would know that and show you deference. Particularly if you grew up poor.

marv115 −  So, she gets angry when people know she makes less but is happy with them thinking you are a “gold digger”?
You have bigger problem here than you think, apparentlly she enjoy that people see you as less and she superior. You need to have a real conversation here about why this is.

No_Hat9118 −  Who the hell is Lacy?