AITA For Telling My Wife To “F**king Relax” After She Made A Big Deal Of A Mess In Her Car?

A Redditor shares a road trip experience that took a turn when a meal turned messy in the car. Traveling with his wife and four kids, including his niece and nephew, the group faced a minor disaster when his niece accidentally dropped her burger.

While the Redditor kept his cool, his wife became increasingly upset about the mess. Trying to lighten the mood, he told her to “fucking relax,” which led to some tension between them. Now, he’s questioning whether his response was justified. Read the original story below.

‘ AITA For Telling My Wife To “F**king Relax” After She Made A Big Deal Of A Mess In Her Car?’

Currently on a road trip with my kids (9F and 8F), my niece (6F) and my nephew (6M). With my wife (38F). Well, last night, on our way, we took our food to go. And obviously, with 4 kids in the car, that means mess.

I like to keep my car clean, and so does my wife, but this was bound to happen anyways, and we didn’t buy a huge SUV for nothing. Well, as expected, my niece dropped her burger over a pothole. That’s fine, we can clean it later, but my wife was ready to let it rip on my niece, but luckily I stopped her.

We pulled over at a rest stop to clean it up, and I was picking up lettuce and onion remains from the mats, my wife is babbling to me about how from now on no eating or drinking in the car (Her idea to get to go btw) and all some other stuff.

After a bit more of that, I was kind of gettting annoyed, so I told her to f-ing relax and just to relax, and that it wasnt a big deal. I get it, she’s stressed, but it’s not something to really worry about at that moment IMO. AITA? She seems a bit annoyed now..

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Haunting-Juice983 −  ESH. No one in history in a wild state has responded well to ‘Cam down’ or in your words, ‘F**king relax’. Male, female or otherwise. I’ve both given and received this advice- I can’t think of one situation it was positive.

But I get your initial reaction that’s it’s an easy fix, and a child shouldn’t cop her reaction. A burger got dropped, it’s an easy fix and clean. Irritating, yeah- life ending, no. Hell, I’m 42 and drop food in the car, you can’t get cranky at kids for having an accident over a pothole

Clear_Bluebird1925 −  NTA, But everyone is probably stressed and annoyed. I know I wouldn’t take it well if my husband told me to f**king relax on a road trip for god knows how long while in a car with 4 young kids.

I_am_wood_dog −  ESH. Choose your words carefully, there is no need to say what you said. “It is a car, it is bound to get dirty, we can clean it” blah blah would be a better choice.

tawstwfg −  “She seems a bit annoyed now”? No kidding.. ESH. Your wife sucks for wanting to excoriate a child for dropped food. You s**k for cursing at your wife. I get that things can be stressful with a car load of kids, but jeez.

No-Atmosphere-2528 −  NTA. Who goes on a road trip with 4 kids under 10 and doesn’t expect a mess? Especially when you give them food and start driving? She almost went off on a 6 year old for dropping a hamburger, you stoped her from being a gigantic a**hole.

Dashqu −  Telling someone to “fcking relax” always calms them down! /s. ESH she for making a big deal out of it and op for swearing at his wife.

hobbes0022 −  So I guess telling her to f**king relax didn’t work?

Terrible_Sentence961 −  ESH why give the children the food in the car while driving anyway? Why not wait until you’ve pulled over, or gotten to the hotel or wherever and eat then?

AlexisHereToStay −  Honestly NTA she was making a mountain out of a mole hill ( no pun intended for the pot hole) it’s not like she dropped red wine on a white rug, it can be cleaned, not a big deal.

HaakonPower −  NAH. But you could work on your communication skills. You mentioned that you get that she’s stressed, but telling someone to “f**king relax” when they’re stressed isn’t much help. And recognise that you telling her to “f**king relax” because you were annoyed, is also a stress response on your part.

You reacted rather than responded. Everyone’s stressed out, and there’s no need to use vulgarities to “calm” them down.. it was her idea to get get go.Yeah when it comes to accidents like that, avoid any blaming. Just say oh s**t, this is unfortunate etc.

Like you said, it was bound to happen esp with kids. You were trying to show support, it just could have communicated it better.. she’s annoyed with me You could apologise. Apologise not because you are TA and in the wrong, but because you care about the relationship and the words you said to her.

Ask her how she feels, assure her not to worry about any messes, acknowledge that it is a little stressful dealing with 4 kids, but the two of you are going to make it work and have a fun trip.

Do you think the user was wrong for telling his wife to relax over a minor mess, or was it a reasonable response to an overblown reaction? How do you handle similar situations when traveling with kids? Share your thoughts below!