AITA for telling my waitress’s manager she did a great job?

A Reddit user (early 30s) went on a dinner date with a woman he had been seeing, where their waitress provided excellent service. The user decided to tell the waitress’s manager that she was doing a great job, which led to the waitress looking happy and grateful.

However, his date, who was with him at the time, was not impressed and called him full of himself, leaving him confused. The user now wonders if he overstepped or if his date’s reaction was unwarranted. To find out more about this situation and how others have reacted, read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling my waitress’s manager she did a great job?’

I met a girl online and we clicked, and have gone on a couple dates. Two nights ago was our third date and I was treating her to dinner at a local burger place in the city. Nothing fancy, I just wanted some good conversation over a tasty meal. This girl is a knockout, has the rare quality of being a great listener, and isn’t obsessed with herself.

She’s funny, charming, and smart. We had had several great dates and I was getting close to asking her to be my girlfriend. She is also the one who called me an a**hole before the night was done (not her exact words, but we’ll get there.) Our waitress for dinner was great. Actually enthusiastic and friendly, on point with the refills,

and just top notch service all around. At one point in the evening she did spill a partially-full glass of water on our table, but it wasn’t really her fault because she had gotten bumped into, and she was very quick to apologize and wipe the table dry with a smile on her face, so if anything that was a point in her column.

At the end of the meal, she brought the check and I told her I would like to speak with her manager. She asked if there was something wrong, and I calmly repeated that I would like to speak with her manager and could she please go get him.

She leaves and reappears with the manager a few moments later, and I proceed to tell him that we had gotten excellent service that night, and that (her name) was one of their best. He thanked me for the feedback and she also looked very happy at the compliment and thanked me.

The only one not happy was my date. She said, “If that was supposed to impress me, it didn’t.” and said that I was full of myself. She didn’t say much else as we gathered our things to leave and there was no kiss at the door that night.

I texted her saying I was sorry for whatever I did wrong and that I’d like to see her again soon, so far no response. So pardon my french, but what the f**k?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

EstherandThyme −  Yikes, YTA. The non-a**hole way to do what you did would be to say “Excuse me, I’d love to give some positive feedback to your manager if they are available,” not dangle the idea that you were going to make a complaint in front of that poor minimum wage worker’s face.

You were showboating. It was more of a stunt than a genuine compliment and I wouldn’t be impressed either if I was your date. Edit: I wonder if you are also the kind of guy who would pull the “five singles on the table” act…

[Reddit User] −  Honestly, I started thinking YTA just from how you described this girl. She’s great in your opinion because she’s good looking and doesn’t talk.

reinhardtmain −  YTA. What kinda fedora tipping s**t is this.

SnausageFest −  YTA. How m**ipulative. What a n**ty way to treat someone you apparently wanted to compliment.

TheLadyEve −  YTA, that’s what a tip is for. If I had been on a date and the guy did that…yeah, I wouldn’t call him an a**hole but I would be seriously dubious about that guy. You temporarily stressed out your server and then took up the manager’s time just so you could give her a compliment….when you could have just said “thank you for the great service” and left a generous tip.

[Reddit User] −  YTA, you come across as an entitled douchebag

[Reddit User] −  YTA but I understand your intentions. However o used to serve and bartend and when people pull that s**t it’s nerve wrecking. Some restaurants have a s**t ton of staff fighting for jobs or good shifts and one complaint can s**ew them over.

If you had told the waitress after she asked why you wouldn’t have been an a**hole. Best practice is to just find the manager on the way out and do it quietly because I bet that server was having a mild panic attack.

magnoliamouth −  YTA You asked to see the manager with no explanation. (This makes you and a**hole) The server, being concerned, asked why. (Here is where you are confirmed to be an a**hole) Instead of telling her why you wanted to speak to her manager, you refused to answer her and just (like a huge d**khead) repeated yourself to keep it… suspenseful??

Did you think she would appreciate it more if the compliment came as a relief or a surprise? NO. You took pleasure in making her panic about what she could have done wrong while incorrectly assuming it would be more entertaining for everyone to drop the praise after creating tension.

If I were your date, it would indicate to me that you’re a control freak and like to control women and exert power over people you feel are beneath you. Gross.

remgirl1976 −  YTA. You acted like a douchebag weirdo trying to hard to impress. Especially if that wasn’t even your intention. Just leave a bigger tip and maybe a hand written note that simply said, “great service, thanks!” Next time.

Callanitt −  The way you did it, YTA. I *always* tell managers/supervisors when someone has done an exceptionally good job, but I do it by saying: “I really appreciate your willingness and ability to go the extra mile, and I’d like to tell your manager how very helpful you’ve been.” What you did was a) cause unnecessary stress and apprehension, and b) make it about yourself.