AITA for telling my son he needs to give it one year at his new school?

A Redditor recently shared their experience about encouraging their son to give his new school a chance. The OP accepted a teaching position at a respected preparatory school where their children can attend for free.

Though initially excited, the 14-year-old son is now hesitant, mostly because of the school’s requirement for a buzz cut and uniform. OP reassured him it’s a minor change compared to the educational benefits, suggesting he should try it out for one year. But OP wonders if this push is too much. Read the full story below for the context.

‘ AITA for telling my son he needs to give it one year at his new school?’

I accepted a teaching position at private school this summer. It’s a well regarded preparatory school with a military school bent. Trying to be vague, but you could probably do a google search and the out of the top five results you’d be correct.

One of the perks is my kids can go there for free (I have a 14yo and 16yo boys). The school asked if they wanted to attend, and I asked my boys and they said yes. They were both pretty gung-ho about it. School starts in a week, and now my 14yo is getting cold feet.

I asked why and he said he doesn’t want to get a buzz cut or wear a uniform all the time. He does have long surfer hair so it’ll will be a big change, as all new students are required to get buzz cuts for the first few weeks, before they can grow it out within regulation.

I casually mentioned this to my next door teacher, and she said it’s a normal last minute anxiety, but also most students wind up liking having short hair and wearing a uniform.

I told my 14yo that while that’s a reasonable worry to have, a uniform/haircut is no reason to pass up this opportunity (especially last minute) and that he should give it one year at this school.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

StAlvis −  YTA. with a military school bent. Eww. a uniform/haircut is no reason to pass up this opportunity (especially last minute) and that he should give it one year at this school. Not being down with control for the sake of control is a **perfectly** good reason to decline an opportunity.

Mandatory short hair does not *accomplish* anything. It does not *help* the student any. And not having it does not *harm* them at all. It’s just about indoctrinating b**lshit military rank submissiveness.

[Reddit User] −  NAH, but I think you need to be ready with a backup plan if this winds up being a phenomenally bad fit for your kids. The military kind of lifestyle is not for everyone and a bad year can do a *lot* of long-term damage.

If it’s been a semester and he’s still miserable, I’d reconsider your policy on sticking it out. (Also, did he know about the buzz cut and uniform when he agreed to go?)

Vibin0212 −  Just a word of advice, you may really want to look deeper into this place before you send your boys. A lot of military, boarding, and troubled teen schools have abuse that flies wildly under the radar.

urban_accountant −  What happens if he refuses the haircut?

Effective_mom1919 −  Not the a**hole, but I would think about it. FWIW my husband went to a dramatically different high school than what he was expecting. It caused it a lot of anxiety, that anxiety wasn’t taken seriously and now he doesn’t speak either of his parents.

Some other stuff happened but I think that was the true turning point that set him on a path to estrangement. Not saying you need to allow him to change schools but more it’s about how you handle the vibe around all of this.

k_princess −  Not an AH for asking your son to give it a year. But YTA for knowing what students are expected to go through upon entry and not really listening to your son. It feels like his anxiety is coming from somewhere, and it may not just be “new kid” nerves.

rheasilva −  also most students wind up liking having short hair and wearing a uniform. Nonsense. Most students *get used* to the uniform / enforced short hair.

They don’t *like* it, they just eventually realise that their complaints won’t be recognised so they stop mentioning it. Anyway. YTA for forcing your kid to go to a school he doesn’t want to go to just because it’s free for you.

Technical-Edge9578 −  YTA- your kids are young, but not so young that it’s appropriate to disregard their preferences, especially when it comes to their bodies. This includes their hair and what they want to wear.

It’s one thing when they’re really young and want to cover their faces with acrylics, another when they’re teenagers. Give them the chance to start ‘practice driving’ their own bodies now so that they can feel comfortable, safe, and content making their own decisions later.

Besides, have you asked them how they’ve been getting along with kids from that school in the neighborhood, or online? Maybe they know something you don’t. At the very least, they know what it’s like to live in their own body.

Respect their bodily autonomy now so that they don’t grow resentments later. If one changes their mind and wants to go to that school after hearing how their brother is doing- well, there you go! Military schools are no joke. Don’t make that commitment /for/ them.

TheRealDimSlimJim −  Its not just a uniform or haircut. They are going to crush your kids spirit. These places are notoriously cruel, both from staff and from other students.

He obviously doesnt want to go. Public school is just as fine. If you force this, you will fracture your relationship with your son. It may be fixable, may not.

natishakelly −  YTA. You’re making your child’s school experience a miserable one by forcing them to go where they don’t want to.

Do you think OP was right to encourage her son to try the school for a year, or should she have respected his change of heart about the appearance requirements? Share your thoughts in the comments!