AITA for telling my sister my support for her and my niece ends in January after I found out she has been lying?

A Reddit user shared the difficult situation he’s facing with his sister, whom he’s been financially supporting for years to help care for her young daughter.

After discovering she’s been lying about her child to a new boyfriend and planning a secret trip to Europe, he confronts her and sets a deadline for ending his financial support, leading to tension between them. Read the full story below to see how he navigates this family dilemma.

‘ AITA for telling my sister my support for her and my niece ends in January after I found out she has been lying?’

My sister (25F) has a 4 year. The baby daddy is the run of the mill deadbeat. Does not work, avoids court appearances, lives with his mother, does not even have a state ID.

I have been support my sister for 3 years, she was staying with our mom but something happened to her and she now lives in a retirement community so she does not have the same amount of space. My mom asked me to make sure my sister is okay she is the baby.

I get it she was young and the father of her child played a good act. I do not blame her for that. So I cover childcare, and rent for my sister. I will spot her when she needs other stuff like school supplies, food, clothes for my niece. She is a manager at Target.

When she has to work late I will let my niece sleepover. I generally had pick ups because I get off at 5. She generally handles drop offs. I will take care of dinner and my sister handles bath and bed time. My mom recently let the cat out the bag that my sister is going to Europe on the 12th to the 17th.

My sister told me she was going to FL for her HS friends wedding. She asked if I would be willing to handle watching my niece. I said sure because she has been working late putting in long hours at work. I pushed our mom and got the truth. She is seeing someone, has not told them she has a kid.

He thinks my niece is my child and she helps me out from time to time. He has met my mom, she seems to like him. After I found out I confronted my sister, she apologized. I told her I don’t care she has until January. She told me I was being cold and misogynistic.

Since I told her if she wants to date as a single mother you have an obligation to be transparent with the people you are dating that you have a child. She said she can separate the two, and I told her no she cannot. She has a daughter you cannot lie and say she is my kid so you can have fun and not scare people off.

I don’t understand the dating scene, having a kid at 21 with another man that is not in the picture is a huge red flag. I told her so is lying about having a kid. This does not work either way. I asked does she plan to pretend her daughter is mine forever? She said I am like a father to my niece anyways.

Am I the a**hole here? I know this may get harder for my sister especially my niece without my support she cannot afford where she lives, she cannot afford daycare on Targets pay.

My mom has told me I do what is best for my niece. She is afraid if she push my sister too much she will break down. My mom is afraid what happened to our aunts daughter will happen to my sister.

See what others had to share with OP:

Due_Laugh_3852 −  She said I am like a father to my niece anyways. Not gonna lie, this response from your sister made my skin crawl and you are definitely NTA for realizing that this family dynamic needs to end.

More importantly, from the perspective of having been in your niece’s shoes many, many years ago, your sister is going to psychologically and emotionally damage your niece by treating her as a burden that needs to be hidden from her potential mates so that she doesn’t scare them away.

This is going to be a tough love situation that will require a lot of intestinal fortitude and tact on your part, but you have to find a way to cut your sister loose financially, while still being a loving and supportive uncle to your niece.

Sport_Ancient −  NTA, but there’s a bigger problem here. Yes, it’s bad that she lied to someone who has supported her so much. It’s also bad she she’s lying to the guy she’s dating, who she should be truthful with – especially about such a serious matter as having a child.

And it’s bad she’s roped you into her web of lies, by falsely claiming that you’re the parent. But worst of all, by far, is what she’s doing *to her own child -* denying her own daughter’s existence just to reel in a man. What’s her plan?

To split her time between these two relationships she’s trying to keep separate, or to abandon her daughter with you altogether? Is she going to tell her daughter to never refer to her as “Mom” on phone calls when her boyfriend is around?

Sadly, it will likely be your niece who suffers most from the situation. You might want to start thinking about what role you want to have, if any, in continuing to support and care for your niece if your sister runs off – as your sister is clearly trying to escape the realities of parenthood.

LouisV25 −  NTA for dropping support. YTA for waiting until January. You have supported her for years and she lies to you and on you. Come on.. You are NOT the father. You are not obligated to finance her and her child as if you are a husband and father.

Sis has gone too far and taken advantage of you. We all know he is going to be mad when he finds out the truth. Leave her to the drama she’s creating.

Only-Ingenuity7889 −  THREE YEARS?!?! And WTF with going to Europe when you already finance so much of her lifestyle?  NTA

pottersquash −  NTA. She said I am like a father to my niece anyways. Frankly, why are you waiting till January? You aren’t worried she skips off to Europe and just leaves kiddo with you forever? Now, maybe you’d be fine with that, maybe its for the best but it shouldn’t be thrusted upon you like this.

hubertburnette −  INFO: what happened to the aunt’s daughter?

RoyallyOakie −  NTA…But I think the January deadline will just provide you with more drama. She’s being a user.

Striking_Ad_6742 −  NTA. Your mom doesn’t want to push your sister but has no issue with you taking on all of her expenses and responsibilities?! Absolutely not. Maybe she’s been babied for too long.

Worth-Season3645 −  NTA…even if it was not for this situation, you are doing way more than you should for your sister and she has been taking advantage. Your sister is a manager. You are covering her two biggest expenses, rent and childcare.

Yet, you still help her with other things as well. Since you are able to, I would cover childcare and anything, (if you want to), that is specifically for your niece. (Clothes, toys, snacks, etc). But it should not be expected of you. She plans a trip without even discussing it with you regarding her child.

You need to have a serious discussion with your sister. Does she ever plan to tell this guy about her child? Does she expect you to take your niece in and raise her? Because it sure sounds like it.

You should also do less on the home front and make your sister more responsible for her child. I was a single mother. Many are single mothers. It is nice to have help. But you are basically your nieces parent and sister is the babysitter.

JamesFellen −  Hmm, yes… interesting… “She said I am like a father to my niece anyways.“. F**K! RUN! Abort mission! She will d**p the child on you if she gets the chance to.

Now, your post didn‘t say it, but I assume you‘re a guy approaching 30? You have your own life to live. Maybe have children yourself, save money for them or whatever else. This is not your responsibility.