AITA for telling my SIL that the grudge she’s holding against me over wedding photos is stupid?
A 20-year-old woman noticed that her sister-in-law, Vicky (33F), had been acting distant. When she asked her brother, Tim (34M), about it, he revealed that Vicky was upset over wedding photos posted on Facebook by their mother. The photos were edited, making the OP’s pastel blue dress appear white, and Vicky felt it was disrespectful.
When Vicky confronted the OP about it, the OP reminded her that she was only 9 years old at the time of the wedding and had no say in her outfit. She also told Vicky that the grudge over the photos was “stupid” and suggested Vicky take the matter up with her mother instead. Now both Tim and Vicky are angry, accusing the OP of being dismissive and rude.
‘ AITA for telling my SIL that the grudge she’s holding against me over wedding photos is stupid?’
I (F20) have an older brother (M34) “Tim”. Tim has a wife, “Vicky” (F33). For a while now, I’ve noticed Vicky has been acting weird around me. She avoids interacting with me, avoids eye contact, and doesn’t make conversation, and generally seems annoyed with my presence. I wasn’t really sure what her problem was.
It was starting to get to me so I gently as possible asked Tim about it. He confirmed Vicky was angry at me over something. He explained that a while ago, my mother posted some old photos from his and Vicky’s wedding on Facebook (I don’t have Facebook so I didn’t know) and that she used a filter or photo editor that made my dress look white, when it was actually pastel blue.
Later, Tim, Vicky and me were alone and Tim brought this issue up and said it needs to be talked about. Vicky started to become visibly upset and she pretty much repeated what Tim told me, and said that the edited photos were disrespectful, and that really I shouldn’t have worn a color that was so close to white anyway.
I reminded Vicky that I was 9 years old when they got married, and don’t even really remember much from it. She said I must’ve had some choice in what to wear. I told her I don’t know because I don’t remember, and that if it bothers her so much she should take it up with my mom, and I told her that this grudge she’s holding against me is stupid.
Vicky looked mortified and said that I didn’t have to be so calloused, and that I had no reason to be rude to her and dismiss her concerns. Tim is now also mad because I “disrespected” his wife. I just didn’t understand what other response she could be expecting, especially when I have a complicated relationship with my parents. Was I wrong?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA.She’s mad at you … for wearing a blue dress to a wedding as a nine year old? As if you realistically had a lot of say over your clothes at that age? And because your mother reposted the picture with a filter, years later? This is the same level of BS as when people get mad about things that happened in their dreams.
You’ve done nothing wrong and everyone knows it. She’s embarrassed at her own ridiculousness and lashing out at you for embarrassing her instead of realising she embarrassed herself. Tell your brother that until she apologises for her ludicrous behaviour, they can both keep their unstable asses away from you.
NTA. I don’t know WTF the problem is here. This is bonkers
1. You were 9. I doubt you had much of a choice and probably didn’t even know about “no white to a wedding” rule at that age.
2. You did not apply the filter, your mother did.
3. Even if you wore white, who cares? Lots of little girls rewear a communion dress or white Easter dress to a wedding.
4. It was 11 damn years ago.
Holy hell your brother and SIL are bonkers. NTA but they are. It sounds like their hobby is to find ways to be offended.
So you wore a blue dress, someone else doctored the photo and made the dress look whiter than actuality, and now you’re Cruella Deville in a white dress at a wedding. NTA and her grudge is stupid.
Edit: Jesus. I thought it happened 9 years ago. It was 11 f**cking years ago when the poster was 9! How unhinged can you get?
NTA. Your SIL is an i**iot, at best, to be mad at a child over a dress color from 11 years ago. Your brother is an i**iot for playing along/feeding into her…issue.
NTA, your SIL IS being very stupid, not to mention illogical. You should send them this link so they can see how many people also think they’re being ridiculous
NTA – Vicky is nuts. You were 9?!!? I was dressed by my parents for big events like that when I was that age…
NTA even if it was white you were 9 and clearly not the bride. Vicky is being ridiculous and Tim should be telling her that. Also this was 11 ish years ago and now she’s decided to be upset? When did she see this doctored photo?
NTA. Your parents bought and payed for the dress (I assume). If you picked it out (at store for the wedding) or from your closet because you already owned it , they could have said no. 9yo children don’t know wedding etiquette. And the dress wasn’t white. Your mom could have simply not used that filter.
She’s upset AT YOU that YOUR MOM used a FILTER on a BLUE dress from a wedding that happened 11YEARS AGO. That’s pretty messed up. There has to be more going on here. From the bird you’ve shared, it sounds like there are relationship issues in the family as is. Am I correct? There’s more for her to be so upset but I don’t know what.
NTA I’m sorry but this is comical. You were only NINE. I think she will survive this.
Was it reasonable for OP to call out Vicky for holding this grudge, or should she have been more empathetic toward Vicky’s feelings about her wedding photos? What do you think?