AITA for telling my older sister that I dont want to babysit her anymore?

A Reddit user shares her frustrations with caring for her older sister, who has been struggling with depression and refuses consistent help from therapy or clinics. The younger sibling, just 18, has taken on the role of caregiver, managing her sister’s needs, chores, and emotional breakdowns.

After a heated argument about her sister’s decision to leave a mental health clinic prematurely, she expressed her frustration and declared she no longer wanted to “babysit.” Was her reaction justified? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my older sister that I don’t want to babysit her anymore?’

So I (F18) have a sister (21). Four years ago she started to have issues with her thyroid. I don’t know the details, but I know that she often passed out in school, as a result of her medical condition. She developed a deep depression and even when her condition got better after a surgery her depression remained.

Even when she got a therapist. She graduated in 2023 and has been at home ever since. She doesnt work and doesnt seek further education. She just sits in her bed all day. She also refuses to do any chores, except for feeding some of our pets.

I graduated in July 2024. I am also still at home, but I work a part-time job and I am studying to get my drivers lisence. I plan on going to university in late spring. But even with my jobs I spend more time at home than I used to. Thats why I took over most of the chores.

My father works full-time and doesnt come home before 7pm. My mother used to work full-time but now reduced her hours to help out with my sister. I also have to take care of her. I have to get her to wake up (that sometimes takes 2-3h).

I have to make sure that she eats properly, I try to motivate her to do at least some chores and I have to check on her frequently. She also tries to get my attention for hours by stealing my things and running off, by jumping on my bed and refusing to leave, by smearing my door with soap and toothpaste, by waking up my hamster, etc.

I normally react to all that calmly, because I know how she really feels. But I started to get more angry with time, because its just incredibly childish and I dont know how to stop her. She also doesnt leave the house alone.

When she wants to go shopping I have to go with her and she constantly begs for me to do things with her. Most of the times I give in.
Her depression is very predictable. A few weeks everything goes great and then after some time (mostly before doctors appointments/ meetings with her therapist) she has a break down.

She was send to two clinics for that and when It happened again a week ago she was sent to a third. Monday she got in and Tuesday she was in tears, already demanding to leave. Not a week later they are legally not allowed to keep her any longer. This happened before.

She shows everyone how bad she has it, then everyone moves earth and sun for her to get proper help and there she refuses to get any help and just demands to leave as soon as possible. My mom and I have to pick her up today from the last clinic. She called me earlier telling me the news.

And I told her that I dont support her decision and that her behaviour is unfair for anyone who worries about her and tries to help her. She tells me that this time it wont be like the other times, but she promised that multiple times already and the next time she wont get into a better clinic.

We got into an argument and a few minutes in I got really angry and told her that I dont want to babysit her anymore. Now shes calling me an a-hole. So AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Worth-Season3645 −  NTA…if your sister has the energy and determination to do the things to you that you described, she is using her condition, not managing it. If all those enabling her continue to do so, she will never be more or do more than what she does now.

2-3 hours to wake her up? Stop. She does not work. She does nothing. Why should you even bother to try and wake her up? Stop doing things for her/with her. If she wants to go shopping, she can beg until the moon comes up.

Find ways to tune her out, leave the house, put headphones on. Get a lock for your door. The smearing of things in your space? Oh no. There would be heck to pay. I know you probably cannot move out yet, so you have to set your boundaries and stick to them.

similar_name4489 −  NTA honestly, you should stop babysitting her. You should not be responsible for her at all, before you go off to university I would recommend trying to get more working hours.

Like, if she has enough energy/will to be an annoyance – playing keep away, smearing toothpaste on doors, messing with your hamster, etc, and only getting worse before professionals have a look at her… sounds a lot less like she has an issue and more that she had an issue, did get depressed,

but liked being catered to and is now self-sabotaging/enfeebling herself. It can be easy to get into that rut and stay there rather than pull yourself out. Your parents can support her as much as they like, though they shouldn’t, but you should pull away now.

This is the opportunity to do so. Frankly, you need to plan long term to not be put into a position by her or by your parents to become her caretaker. This means you should figure out your finances – work as much as you can, when you can. 

CandylandCanada −  I also have to take care of her.. No, you don’t. I sense that there is some cultural, and likely gender, disparity at play here. Nevertheless, your parents are insisting that you forgo your present and future happiness in favour of your sister’s. This is unfair in any culture, place or time.

Things will never get better unless you set strict rules for your family, or you move out. Those are your only two options. If you stay at home, but don’t advocate for yourself and your needs, then nothing will change. You can’t change sister, nor can you change parents, but you can refuse to play their stupid game.

YOU are taking steps to make your life better. Sister could put in an effort, but she doesn’t because she’s got parents and you dancing to her tune. You teach people how to treat you. Stand up for yourself, or accept that family will keep walking all over you.. NTA

No-Appointment5651 −  Nta. Would you be able to put a lock on your bedroom door to help minimize any damage she might cause?

Libra_8118 −  It would be best if you start to disentangle yourself now step by step. Next year you will be at university and she will have to survive on her own. Try to get more hours at work. Maybe see some friends for lunch or shopping. You need a break and your parents need to assess if she’s capable of taking care of herself. Good luck.

Fabulous-Shallot1413 −  Mom, dad sister- we need to talk. I am not ok staying home all day caring for someone who won’t help themselves. I dont feel like my life should be out on hold anymore for her. Not only am I missing out on life, but I have to deal with her being childish.

She steals from me, out toothpaste, and God knows what else on things to any me. If she needs around the clock care thrn she needs to go on disability and get a helper. I am not doing it anymore. She chose this life. I am gwtting my license soon, I will be going to school and working. She’s an adult and needs to figure it out now.

AnonAnontheAnony −  NTA – You are your own person, and as painful as it might be to your family, if you do not want to be obligated to help sister anymore, that’s your choice as an adult. But also, so are the consequences and potential fallout from your family responding to it to.

Your not obligated to be part of your sister’s care team as much as she wouldn’t be for you, but sometimes you do things for famiy out of love, not because you ‘have to’. That said, you clearly care for her, but not everyone can be a caretaker for family, you have your own life to live.

rockology_adam −  NTA. There’s a lot of enabling here on the part of you and your mother to accommodate your sister, and this is why she thinks she can just quit on the clinic and come home. Moving forward, you do household chores and your own things.

Talk to your parents about either getting in-home help with your sister or them taking more responsibility. Figure out a schedule about who does what and make sure your own responsibilites are less than they are now.

I am a firm believer in family duties, but you’ve BEEN DOING IT. There has to be an expectation here on your sister, and if no one makes the stand against her behaviour here, you’ll be stuck here forever.

Winter_Raisin_591 −  Uh is she taking medication for her thyroid cause if not then antidepressants likely aren’t going to help her out. You shouldn’t be responsible for her care anyway. She needs to help herself. Your mom can do what she wants, but it is NOT incumbent on you to take care of her. NTA. 

smoki_d_luffy −  Sorry to hear that. Thyroid malfunction can become a nest for mental illnesses. When she’s ill she need to increase hormonal intake to not crash. That being said, one in every 8 women have thyroid issues and don’t act like dicks.

My mom had thyroid completely removed and she was fine for over 15 years (with highly stressful and demanding job). This year she burned out due to taking care of grandma and then being sick. Thyroid hormones were low, she fell into depression that progressed into psychosys and wouldn’t talk to anyone.

She blamed herself for everything and things got so bad she was hospitalised for few months. They got her on right medications and therapy and slowly she started feeling like herself again. Now she’s back working and living and I couldn’t be more proud of her 🥺

In all that time, she never acted mean or spoiled towards anyone. So maybe your sister is just frustrated cuz she has to be “locked” at home or needs to have a babysitter. The toothpaste is clear scream for attention. Or maybe bipolar is there. But set your boundaries

Do you think the younger sister was right to set boundaries after years of caregiving, or should she have handled the situation differently given her sister’s struggles? How do you think families can balance compassion with personal limits in such situations? Share your thoughts below!