AITA for telling my mom to shut up and accept that my wife and I aren’t naming our kids the way she and dad named me and my siblings?

Parenthood is full of surprises, and sometimes even a baby’s name becomes a battleground for family traditions. When our OP and his wife welcomed their first child—a son—they kept the name a secret until after leaving the hospital.

The couple chose the name Hollis, a departure from their family’s longstanding tradition of naming children after grandparents. While his wife’s side is relaxed about baby names, his family expected a more traditional name, like Jack or Parker, leaving them disappointed and questioning the decision. The tension was palpable, and soon what began as a simple naming choice spiraled into a full-blown family feud.

In the days and months that followed, the OP’s parents—especially his mother—relentlessly pressed him to consider changing the name and “honor tradition.” Their constant criticism, which included harsh remarks and insults, forced the OP to draw a firm boundary, even telling his mom to “shut up” when her comments turned abusive. This response, though heated, has sparked considerable debate online about parental rights versus family tradition.

‘AITA for telling my mom to shut up and accept that my wife and I aren’t naming our kids the way she and dad named me and my siblings?’

Letting family traditions dictate the name of your child can feel like stepping into a role that isn’t entirely yours. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert, explains, “When parents insist on traditions over personal choice, it can undermine a couple’s authority and even impact the child’s sense of identity later on.”

In this situation, the OP faced the classic conflict between honoring family heritage and forging a new identity as a modern couple. On one hand, traditions offer continuity and can create a sense of belonging. On the other, insisting on following outdated customs may lead to resentment and conflict.

Dr. Markham adds, “Respecting your own tastes as parents is crucial; if the tradition doesn’t resonate with you both, it’s perfectly acceptable to start a new family tradition.” The OP’s stance—to name his son Hollis because it reflects both his wife’s and his own preferences—is a healthy exercise of parental autonomy. It’s a reminder that while family history is important, every generation has the right to define its own identity.

Moreover, research suggests that the quality of parent-child relationships benefits when decisions, like naming, are made collaboratively by the parents rather than imposed by extended family. The OP’s approach, setting firm boundaries and avoiding prolonged conflict, supports a nurturing environment that prioritizes the child’s well-being over rigid adherence to tradition.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports the OP’s stance. Commenters generally agree that the decision to choose a name based solely on the parents’ taste is entirely valid, and they criticize any extended family members for overstepping.

Many noted that if grandparents want a say in naming, they should wait until they’re responsible for their own children. The prevailing sentiment is that the child belongs to the new family and that imposing old traditions—especially ones that conflict with modern preferences—is outdated. Overall, the community’s hot takes emphasize personal autonomy in parenting and caution against allowing familial pressure to dictate such personal decisions.

In the end, this isn’t just a story about a name—it’s a story about the evolving nature of family traditions. The OP and his wife chose Hollis because it reflects their shared values and tastes, rather than simply following an inherited rule.

While family opinions can be hurtful, the priority remains the well-being and unique identity of the child. What would you do if you found yourself caught between tradition and personal choice? How do you balance respecting heritage with creating a new family identity? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—we’d love to hear your take on forging your own path in family traditions.