AITA for telling my mom moving to my grandparents is putting me first because nobody else will because I have the wrong parents?

A 17-year-old shares the story of moving in with his grandparents after feeling neglected by both parents and treated like an outcast among his many half-siblings. When his mom confronted him about the decision, calling him selfish, he replied that he’s putting himself first because no one else has, blaming it on having “the wrong parents.” The full story unfolds below.

‘ AITA for telling my mom moving to my grandparents is putting me first because nobody else will because I have the wrong parents?’

I (17M) have a really complicated family. I have older and younger half siblings on both sides. Of all the “siblings” I’m the only one without a full sibling and the only one who never gets prioritized. My dad has three women he rotates being with Anne, Jane and Heather. Dad has two kids with Anne.

He has three with Jane. And three with Heather. Three of dad’s kids are older than me and the other five are younger. My mom has two guys she’s dating on and off Hank and Phil. She has four kids with Hank. Three with Phil. Hank’s been in her life since high school and she was a teen mom to her oldest (first kid with Hank).

Four of mom’s kids are older than me (three with Hank and one with Phil) and three are younger. My parents basically had a fling that lasted less than a year and by the time I was born it was over. I think mom was back with Hank when I was first born. I also think dad has been married to Jane this whole time, but I don’t really know.

I was bounced between both houses more frequently than any of my friends with divorced parents would be. Sometimes I spent a week or more with one parent but other times I’d be a couple of days in one house and sent to the other and sent back.

I was also very alone because I didn’t have a sibling to share it with. Like yeah I had half siblings but they all had full siblings. So my parents, while maybe they cared a little, maybe. They cared way more about the kids from the longer lasting relationships.

My mom’s extended family saw her as trash and treated us kids the same way. In mom’s house the kids stick very close to their full sibling group and so I was an outcast because of that. Dad’s kids all get along a little better but they just don’t like me because of who my mom is.

My dad’s parents are amazing and they kept me sane when I was younger and they have grown more supportive as I get older. And I asked them a few months ago if I could move in with them. They said of course and I slowly moved to their house. I didn’t want to get either parent weird about it.

They might not care as much about me but I’m pretty sure they don’t want to look bad with a kid leaving before 18. My dad didn’t care which was expected and he told me to pack the rest of my stuff at his house and he’d let me go to my grandparents. But mom was pissed when she realized. I was already living here by then.

Mom asked me what the hell I was thinking and she said I needed permission because I’m still a minor. She called me selfish and told me I was bringing negative attention onto our family.

I told her moving in with my grandparents is putting me first and since nobody else will, because I have the wrong parents. She told me I’m an overdramatic teen and just because my half siblings don’t accept me doesn’t mean she hasn’t been a damn good mom to me. She told me I’m throwing everything away and being rude about it too.. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

dutchy_chris −  Nta ofcourse. They only noticed you were moving out when you were already gone. Smh, what idiots. I have a 14yo and a 16yo and i know what they are up to (i usually keep out of it tho, the got to learn to live). Sorry your parents s**k so bad

designatedthrowawayy −  Your mom thinks you’re the one bringing negative attention to your family but has 8 kids by 3 different men while your dad has 9 kids by 4 different women. Like of course in a family of 15 kids you would feel pushed out. Wth.

bino0526 −  You deserve to be loved and paid attention to. Hang on to your grandparents. Stay with them where you will be wanted and loved. Don’t be guilted or bullied into going back to your mom’s. Make sure you have your important documents (state issued ID or drivers license, birth certificate, and social security card). It’s not your fault that your parents and halflings s**k.. BIG HUGS 🫂

Low-Elevator-6090 −  Absolutely, you’re NTA. You’ve found a supportive environment with your grandparents, and it’s understandable you’d choose stability and affection over a chaotic home life. Everyone deserves to feel valued and supported, especially at home.

Prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being is not only mature but essential. Moving in with your grandparents seems like a healthy decision for you, and it’s important your mom understands this decision from your perspective, even if it’s challenging for her.

stardustmaster −  NTA. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot of instability and emotional n**lect given the complexity of your family dynamics. Moving to your grandparents’ seems like a well-considered decision made to find some stability and support that you feel is lacking from both of your parents.

It’s understandable that you would seek a more consistent and caring environment, especially during such a formative period of your life. Your mom’s reaction might be influenced by her feelings of r**ection or guilt, but that doesn’t mean your decision is wrong.

It’s important to prioritize your own mental and emotional health, and living with your grandparents appears to be a positive step in that direction. You are not responsible for managing the adult reactions to your choices, especially when those choices are about safeguarding your own well-being.

It’s good that your grandparents are supportive and provide the stability and affection you need. Continuing to communicate openly with your parents might help manage tensions, but ultimately, you should feel justified in making choices that best support your growth and happiness.

Emotional_Fan_7011 −  NTA. Ask her, “exactly how have you been a damn good mom to me?”. I would love to hear her answer. If she were a good mom, she would have noticed long ago something was wrong. She wouldn’t have pushed you to go to your dad’s house when you were clearly not wanted there.

butterfly-garden −  “I’m a damn good mom,” said the woman who didn’t even notice that her kid moved out…

pridetwo −  NTA and for anyone who would think otherwise this is the general order of kids OP’s mom is having:.

Kid 1: Hank’s kid

Kid 2-4: 2x Hank’s kid, 1x Phil’s kid

Kid 5: OP, with OP’s dad (not Hank or Phil)

Kid 6-8: 2x Phil’s kid, 1x Hank’s kid

Now we have less info on OP’s dad, but the gist is 2x kids with Anne, 3x with Jane, 3x with Heather, 1x with OP’s mom. OP never had a chance at any sort of normal life with these two as parents.

Both-Buffalo9490 −  For a moment I thought this was a word problem. But, no you are nta. You are old enough to make this decision.

WhiteKnightPrimal −  NTA. If there’s negative attention, your parents caused it by having so many different kids with so many different people and not realising one of them was having issues and wanting to leave until he was already gone. Or almost gone in your dad’s case.

Your mum may thing she’s a ‘damn good mum’ but she’s pretty much ignored your needs, and existence even, your whole life to at least some extent, which is the opposite of a good parent.

I bet your half-sibling have had similar issues, too, just a little easier to deal with as they have their full siblings to lean on for support, where you have no one but your grandparents.

Your maternal family are right about your mum, she’s trash, but they’re just as bad in their own way because they’re blaming the kids for the parents’ choices. I’m glad you have your grandparents and they’re happy to step up for you.

Make sure you have everything important to you, including documents like your birth certificate, settle with your grandparents, and focus on setting yourself up for a good future. If you feel like trying to form a real relationship with the half-siblings, your grandparents could probably help with that as far as your dad’s kids go.

You might want to wait till everyone is an adult, though, because I really think you should be cutting off your parents completely. It’s also okay if you don’t want to improve the sibling relationship or want to cut them all off, too. You can keep things as they are for now if you’re not sure, there’s no rush to decide if you want a relationship with them or not. Just keep putting yourself first.

Was the user justified in moving out and standing up for himself, or should he have handled it differently with his parents? How would you navigate feeling neglected in a large, complex family dynamic? Share your thoughts below!