AITA for telling my MIL that my SIL is rude for expressing that she will exchange the Xmas gifts given?

A Reddit user recounted a tense holiday interaction involving their sister-in-law (SIL), who frequently exchanges gifts that don’t meet her expectations. After years of navigating her preferences, the user expressed frustration to their mother-in-law (MIL), calling the SIL’s behavior rude for criticizing gifts openly. The comment seemed to upset the MIL, leaving the user questioning if they overstepped. Read the full story below to decide.

‘ AITA for telling my MIL that my SIL is rude for expressing that she will exchange the Xmas gifts given?’

My SIL has a tendency to exchange gifts that are given to her or her family if they don’t meet what she expects. One year she asked for a make up set I used because she liked how it looked on me, then when I splurged and got her one she said it was too complicated for her to use so she returned it and got a credit.

Another time I bought her son sweatpants and shirts that she said he needed. I went to Target and got a few pairs. When he opened them he said thank you, but she later said he doesn’t wear stuff from Target because it tends to be cheap quality and breaks easily and she wanted the receipt to change them.

I didn’t save the receipts because honestly they are just children’s clothes and I was sure they would fit, so I didn’t bother. She said they’d probably take them back anyway and that I shouldn’t get clothes from there in the future because they aren’t any good.

Due to numerous instances like this, my husband and I started giving her son money instead and agreed as adults not to gift each other anymore. I hate gifting money only as it seems thoughtless, so last year I thought I’d include a shirt from his favorite store. I got him a color I thought would look good on him (like a dark orange). He got the gifts and thanked us for them and seemed happy.

My SIL later asked for the gift receipt because he doesn’t wear that color, usually black, blue or gray. I had enough and said I chose that color because I thought it would be nice for him and that if he didn’t want to wear it he could buy what he liked with the money. It irked me though that she was criticizing a gift and when we were driving home in the car later with his mom in the back, his mom mentioned it too and how her daughter can be so particular.

So I agreed but added that it’s very rude to criticize gifts in front of the person gifting, and that I was taught to appreciate the thought. MIL got quiet and seemed upset with what I said so maybe I overstepped? Was I being an AH?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

SnooPets8873 −  A little bit YTA – when you say you were taught to appreciate, you implied that your MIL failed to teach your SIL manners which I imagine made her feel bad. And that’s pretty unfair in my opinion, because SIL is an adult, your MIL didn’t do anything to you, and in fact seemed to be trying to acknowledge that her daughter wasn’t being kind to you. Instead of just appreciating that she recognized that her daughter wasn’t being gracious, you turned it on her parenting skills for some reason. You should take it up with your SIL since she is the person who is behaving badly.

Mindless-Pangolin841 −  ESH. Your SIL is an annoying AH and you agreed to just give the kid money however you broke your own rule and expected something different? Then, instead of leaving it between the two of you, you started talking badly behind her back to her Mother. That’s an AH move.

MrSchulindersGuitar −  Is that poor kid even getting anything in the end? Is his mom just ripping away his gifts and pocketing the money?

CPSue −  NTA. She got quiet because you spoke a well-known truth and she knows there’s no excuse for her daughter’s poor behavior. You don’t need to feel guilty.

tonalake −  NTA – but . . She probably felt like you were criticizing her for not teaching her daughter better manners.

InfamousFlan5963 −  YTA – it seems like she’s waiting for a quieter time and not saying it as soon as the gift is opened (that’d definitely be rude). But I hate when people don’t give gift receipts so things can be returned/exchanged. I can understand when you think you nailed it and then hear you didn’t, but it shouldn’t be taken as a personal insult or anything. Yes I think SIL might be being a bit overzealous with the nephew clothing thing, but once the gift is given you can’t control how it’s used.

My parents would always tell us to let them know if we didnt like something so they could return it, then would get salty when I did because I then wasn’t appreciating it. I then started to leave the stuff in my room instead (clothes with tags still on and such) and then would get in trouble for not giving it back in time because instead it just sat in closet for like 2 years before I threw into give away bag and why didn’t I tell them sooner they could have returned that if I wasn’t going to wear, etc.

ALL gifts I give either have a gift receipt attached or they’re aware I can get receipt for them if I wasn’t able to get a gift receipt for it. Obviously I hope they like what I chose for them, but if not then I’d rather they exchange it for something actually wanted/used

Yikes44 −  NTA. We all know people re-gift or exchange presents they don’t like but it’s massively rude to tell the person who gifted it that you don’t like it.

LetsGetsThisPartyOn −  YTA kinda.. Especially with kids. What is the point of spending $50 or $100 on clothes that kids won’t wear.. Kids have their defined taste too. I never ever buy my 15 year old niece clothes. Haven’t bought them since she was about 8. She can pick her own clothes. She gets me to buy or order what she wants through the year for birthday and occasions and Xmas. Otherwise I’m simply wasting my money on things that don’t get used to.

steina009 −  YTA what difference does this make to you. When a gift has been given it is out of the givers hand. Stop being an ahole, this does not matter.

rightioushippie −  YTA returning things and exchanging them for things you can use is perfectly reasonable. Making a big deal out of people using exactly what you gave them is low key creepy and controlling.