AITA for telling my husband that if he wants to say he does everything, then he can go ahead and prove it?
A stay-at-home mom (25F) faced criticism from her husband (29M) for not contributing enough to household chores, despite handling childcare, cooking, laundry, and more. While her husband’s primary responsibilities are dishes and trash, both fell behind during a busy Halloween week.
During an argument sparked by a spilled box, he claimed he “does everything.” Frustrated, she stepped back, letting him manage breakfast, the kids, and chores to “prove” his point. Read the original story below.
‘ AITA for telling my husband that if he wants to say he does everything, then he can go ahead and prove it?’
I (25f) have been married to my husband (29m) for 5 years. I am a sahm to 2 kids (4f) (1m). While I was making breakfast this morning, DH was breaking down boxes so he could take out the trash and recycling that had piled up over the last week while we were all busy with Halloween activities.
A box filled with packing peanuts got spilled when he picked it up, and one comment from him and spilling them ended up turning into a big argument about how I don’t help with chores around the house. For the record, the only 2 chores we agreed would be his responsibility were dishes and taking out the trash.
Every once in a while I will ask for help with changing a diaper or feeding the kids the food I’ve already prepared, but the 2 main chores he has are dishes and trash. I take care of their laundry, I take them places during the day for their education and entertainment (library, children’s museum, etc)
I try to fit a load of dishes in during nap time while our daughter eats lunch to try and help when the dishes are starting to get out of hand, and sometimes if he’s particularly tired after a day, he’ll ask me to help with dishes so he can go to bed.
Unfortunately for the past week, both the trash and the dishes went neglected while we were running around doing Halloween activities with the kids. So in the argument this morning he claimed that he does everything and has to beg me to do even just one load of dishes a month.
And now he’s told our daughter that I’m being sarcastic because I left to go eat my portion of the breakfast I made for the family in our bedroom while he finishes figuring out how to get all the trash taken out, do a load of dishes,
feed our son the eggs I made, and find a way to entertain our daughter and keep both kids out of trouble while he’s busy. And that’s still not everything I do, because I managed to find a minute to do the kid’s laundry earlier this week and I’m the one that made breakfast before the argument started.
AITA for letting him prove he does everything if he’s going to claim it?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
OhmsWay-71 − NTA.. Get “Fair Play”. Come at it from a place of wanting fairness and a solution. Tell him that you hear him, and you want to understand more how he is feeling. Ask him to go through fair play with you and divide the household chores so that it can feel more fair, and he has more choices.
It will quickly bring to light all that needs doing in a house and it will allow for real conversations about what needs doing and how often. Stop fighting. It will always be me against you and you need to be partners.
Penelope_2023 − Y T A to your self. He only has 2 chores and doesn’t help feed the kids or change a diaper. It sounds like you have 3 kids not 2.
alwaysright0 − NTA. Don’t do anything. Feed the kids and yourself. Book yourself a weekend away next weekend. Don’t prep anything before you go
Pattyhere − My husband said that to me once. Three days nothing, I read a book, put my feet up, the house was trashed, no dinner, dishes, laundry everywhere. He never said it again.
clearlyawesome1 − NTA – Sometimes, they need to learn the hard way. A few years ago, my husband told his friends that he always does his own laundry. He did his own laundry every few months randomly. I usually did his laundry. I didn’t correct him in front of his friends, but I stopped doing his laundry.
I didn’t want to make him a l**r. Now, he always does his own laundry. There are a lot of chores that happen in a household. It takes a team to get it all done. Appreciation is important.
PuddinTamename − NTA.. Tell him the maid quit. Then let him see what happens when the maid quits.
JonesBlair555 − So, he doesn’t actively parent, he doesn’t prepare meals. He doesn’t transport kids, he doesn’t do laundry, or dust, or vacuum, or mop, doesn’t scrub the toilet or bathtub or sinks, doesn’t put clothes away, or organize the house, or activities, I’m betting he doesn’t make doctor appointments or plan birthday parties.. What good is he?
[Reddit User] − NTA. You’re just having a very normal argument about how to apportion the household duties and everybody needs to calm down and talk it through.
redlips_rosycheeks − NTA. Time to play malicious compliance. Tell him you agree, and feel there’s an unbalance in the balance of work in the home during your shared time together. When he’s home, write down every childcare duty you have, every cleaning chore you do, every single time you take on the mental load for him.
Ask him to write down what he does when he’s home while you’re home. Agree that when one or both of you are out of the house, that time is “neutral time” and whoever is home with the other is not, is simply responsible for keeping the trains moving.
Compare lists. He works a job while you stay home with the kids, but when you both are home together, you both should be equally sharing the load, whatever that looks like. One washes dishes while the other changes diapers and entertains the kids (not ignoring them while watching TV).
One is vacuuming the house while the other plans the grocery shopping and weekly errands that need running, and when they get done. One is doing laundry while the other is cleaning out clothes for donation. My partner and I both have jobs, and when one is working OT that week, the other is lifting for them.
When we’re both home, we lift equally. If one has a bad day/week, the other lifts for them – because we know it’ll come back for us. And if I’m sick with the flu and my partner is cleaning the dishes and the bathroom after I get sick in it, I’m not bitching at her for not getting the dusting done that week.
Is she right to let him handle things to illustrate her contributions, or is this approach adding to the tension? How can they resolve this dynamic? Share your thoughts below!