AITA for telling my husband he’s too broke to be so sexist?
Family traditions can be both comforting and confining, especially when deeply ingrained expectations clash with modern realities. In this story, a 42-year-old woman shares how a seemingly routine dinner turned into a battleground of values in her own home. Raised in an environment where her husband’s family adhered to strict, traditional roles, she has long pushed back against being forced to play the part of a “proper woman.”
After a long day at work, she arrived home exhausted, only to find that her husband’s mother had neglected to prepare dinner—a task she had always shared by doing her part. When confronted, her husband sided with his family, suggesting she should act more traditionally. In a moment of heated frustration, she told him he was “too broke to be so sexist.” That bitter remark now leaves her questioning if she overstepped, even as she defends her hard work and self-respect.
Her declaration, made in front of their children, was both a cry for recognition and a rejection of outdated gender norms. With her husband in tears and his family divided on the issue, she now wonders if her forceful stand for equality and financial fairness was justified or if she should have handled it differently.
AITA for telling my husband he’s too broke to be so sexist?
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, remarks, “In modern relationships, the tension between traditional expectations and individual identity can create intense emotional conflict. When one partner is forced to adhere to outdated gender roles, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment.” She explains that her outburst, though harsh, reflects a deep need for respect and equality within the marriage.
Dr. Markham adds, “Financial realities also play a critical role. When a partner’s financial constraints contradict the ideals of traditional family roles, it can create an impossible standard. In this case, asserting that your husband is ‘too broke to be so sexist’ is an expression of frustration—not just about money, but about the imbalance of power and respect in the relationship.”
Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Healthy partnerships thrive on mutual respect and open communication. When one partner dismisses modern roles and expects adherence to outdated norms, it undermines the emotional well-being of the other. While a blunt statement might seem extreme, it can sometimes be the catalyst for necessary change.”
Both experts agree that while her language was biting, it stemmed from years of accumulated frustration. They suggest that long-term healing would benefit from family counseling, where both partners can express their needs and redefine what shared responsibilities look like in a contemporary household.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Several redditors expressed support for her decision. One user commented, “If you’re constantly forced to live by outdated expectations that don’t respect your hard work, you have every right to push back. Your comment isn’t just about money—it’s about demanding respect for the way you choose to live your life.”
Another group shared personal experiences, with one commenter stating, “I’ve been in a similar situation where one partner’s family expectations were crushing my individuality. Standing up for yourself in that moment is not petty; it’s a declaration that you deserve to be treated as an equal.”
Ultimately, your decision to tell your husband he’s “too broke to be so sexist” is a bitter but honest expression of your frustration with outdated gender expectations and financial realities. While the delivery may have been harsh, it stemmed from years of feeling undervalued and pressured to conform to a role that doesn’t match your vision of partnership.
This situation raises important questions: How do we balance respect for tradition with the need for modern equality in relationships? Is it ever justified to use harsh language as a catalyst for change in your marriage?
What would you do if you found yourself caught between traditional expectations and the need to assert your modern identity? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the delicate balance between love, money, and respect in today’s relationships.
The IL’s would have accused me of being a witch with how fast they found their asses on the curb. If the hubs didn’t back me up, he’d be there too. NTA. I tolerate zero disrespect in my home.
NTA The would be asked to leave and not return and me and the children would go NC. Hubby would be sleeping on the couch and attending therapy and would apologize.
I’d have waited jntil the children had gone to bed and said this is 2025 not 1925. We are a team of 2 equal members. I also don’t appreciate you putting me down in front of our children. If you abt to be completely dependant upon a man thats your choice, but not mine. If you don’t like our life please leave.
NTA – but the more diplomatic approach, given that the kids were present, would have been to say that you didn’t see any reason your regular arrangement would change just because his parents were there. If they’re staying for two weeks and it isn’t over a holiday, then regular roles/rules apply. Then really dish it out to him later. The adults in the room would totally get what you were saying, and the kids likely would not. Frankly, if it isn’t a holiday, adults are at work, kids are in school, what the heck are they doing there for two weeks anyway?
OP, you didn’t first make your statement in front of the kids, your IL’s did, and your husband too when they talked him out of making supper. Your kids have been hearing the whole exchange. Yours was the winning comment. Now you need to sit with your kids and explain how some people are stuck in the old days, but you and their dad had decided to be fairer than they were. But daddy was being pressured by his mom, so he gave in to her. MIL was bullying daddy and he caved. They need to know that. They need to hear that we’re past the old days now and things are equal with men and women and household chores. IL’s should be limited or denied seeing the grands now as they will focus on turning them against you. Tell hubby it’s either counseling or divorce and he WILL be paying child support! IL’s disrespected you. That’s the trouble with older people living in the past – they’re like vegans and religious people. They want you to do what they did, no matter what. Sounds like hubby doesn’t make enough to have a SAHM and he needs to understand that. “Men may work from sun to sun but women’s work is NEVER done” isn’t true anymore.