AITA for telling my friend that I’m sorry her parents don’t love her as much as mine love me?

A Reddit user shares her experience with a friend, Amy, who criticized her for relying on her parents to pay for her rent while in college. During a conversation about future plans, the user mentioned her intentions to work part-time and pursue a Master’s degree, leading Amy to express disdain for her financial situation.

Feeling embarrassed and annoyed by Amy’s comments, the user snapped back, suggesting that her parents must love her more than Amy’s do. Afterward, she felt guilty for her harsh words and is now questioning whether she was in the wrong. Read the original story below for more details.

‘ AITA for telling my friend that I’m sorry her parents don’t love her as much as mine love me?’

I (22F) have a friend named Amy (22F) who I met in college. Currently we are in our last semester of college. I live alone, but she shares her apartment with two other people. We never really spoke about our finances much, but I know that both of our parents currently pay our rent. The issue started when we talked about our future plans.

I told her that I’m probably going to get a job and do my Master’s at the same time so that I can save up a little but also to finally have my own money to spend on some things that I love and to travel. She laughed at me and asked me what kind of salary I expect while working part-time to be able to afford all that.

I shrugged and said I didn’t have any expenses that I’d need to cover really, just food and that’s it. She looked shocked and asked me about rent and stuff and I said ny parents will be paying for it.

She then went on a rant about becoming an adult, how she can’t wait to be independent, how she doesn’t want to take money from her parents and stuff like that. For the most part I tried to nod my head and listen to her, but then she said something like “I’d feel like a bad daughter if I were you.” And that really made me feel embarrassed.

My parents want to pay for my apartment, they can easily afford it and I’m not the type of person to be ungrateful for it. I spend a lot of time with them, I know they don’t lack money for anything, they travel, own their house, have a good retirement plan.

They don’t mind paying for me and I don’t mind taking it. We have a good relationship. I know this won’t be forever and I don’t expect it to be. Just a few years until I finish my degree and get a higher paying job.

I got annoyed and told her to drop it, we can talk about something else but she continued talking about how her parents want her to be a real adult, how I’ll never want to be ambitious unless I struggle and just more and more nonsense. (Not sure how important it is, but between the two of us, my grades are significantly better and I’m a few exams ahead of her in terms of passing this semester)

I just cut her off and said “Well, I don’t know, maybe my parents love me more than yours love you so they want to pay. I’m sorry for that. Can we now talk about something else?”

We didn’t talk since and I do feel bad because I know that love has nothing to do with money and looking back, it’s such a rude thing to say, but I just said it to shut her up because she was insulting me and calling me spoiled for no reason. I wasn’t even the one to start this conversation nor did I probe into her finances. She was the one who kept it going. Ever since that day I feel a pit in ny stomach and I really didn’t want to insult her.

Check out how the community responded:

1962Michael −  ESH. You are definitely an AH for saying such a thing. Money does NOT equal love. EVER. That said, she was an AH for not dropping the subject earlier, and trying to make you feel like you were taking advantage of your parents.

Both of you have loving parents. They may not have the same amount of money. But besides that, they can have different ideas about the best ways to support your careers and lives. In this case since you do have better grades you are perhaps a better candidate for a Masters program which in the long run will make continuing to support you a good investment.

She may want to continue her education, but her parents have decided they will not support her past her bachelor’s. That doesn’t mean they don’t love her as much. They may have limited funds (note she has roommates to reduce expenses) or they may rightly believe she’s not a good candidate for an advanced degree. But you have to see that she is trying to reconcile her situation and yours without thinking her parents don’t love her.

Certainly there are students who want to stay in college at their parents’ expense for as long as possible, and avoid having to take care of themselves financially. I don’t think that applies to either of you.

RandomizedNameSystem −  ESH. Life ain’t fair. I grew up poor and went to a college with a lot of rich kids. It was so frustrating to see all these kids who basically had a bottomless credit card and no debt. I was jealous, of course – anyone who says they aren’t is lying. But, it’s an AH mode to gripe and complain. It’s not the rich kid’s fault their parents are rich.

But fast forward, now I’m financially set, and I stress out a lot about my over-privileged “rich kids”. Every now other kids will make comments to them about our house or whatever, and I try to teach them HUMILITY. I also make it clear that none of this is because of them. They’re passengers on a luxury train out of pure dumb luck. They all do well in school and sports partly because of genetics, but also because of opportunities.

This is a lesson you should learned. All you had to say was, “Hey, I understand – I’m lucky.” If the person persists be firm, but not an AH: “Seriously, this makes me uncomfortable. I really don’t want to focus on that.” Then if they continue, we have different story.

But let’s be clear: The money someone’s parents give them has nothing to do with how much they love them. The tale of human history is wealthy people thinking they’re somehow “better” than people without money. You need to go read “Privilege on a Plate”:

kylolahren −  ESH. She pushed you and was being rude and combative; however, you didn’t have to engage in the conversation anymore. Once she refused to change the subject, you could’ve just left. While I understand what you said was out of retaliation, it wasn’t necessary and was hurtful. Honestly, though, I don’t think it’s a huge loss to not speak to her. She doesn’t sound like she’s a positive person to be around.

JimmyAintSure4646 −  NTA. She started throwing stones with, “I’d feel like a bad daughter if I were you,” and then you said “she continued talking about how her parents want her to be a real adult, how I’ll never want to be ambitious unless I struggle.” Sounds like you gave her a slice of humble pie.

cersewan −  I really can’t blame you for that. She wouldn’t shut up insulting you so you shut her up. I would think she’s the one who owes an apology. If she wasn’t being so obnoxious and judgmental towards you wouldn’t have snapped back.

Smart_But123581321 −  NTA. She’s trying to shame you for having parents who will support you past adulthood. She’s probably been brought up with the belief that you don’t burden your parents as an adult and she sees them paying for you as you burdening them. She did overstep a lot, should’ve shut her down earlier and said this conversation is over and if she continued, you should’ve just walked away.

You shouldn’t hang out with someone who will go on a rant over something so minor and refuse to stop, even when you asked them to. This is just going to be a constant theme if you let it keep going.

cubemissy −  NTA. Am I the only one who thinks by the time OP said that, she had been poked for long enough to warrant a stronger response? I kind of see OP’s response is the equivalent of the big Steve Martin saying “Well, excuuuuuusseeee meeee!” Not to be taken seriously.

I think it’s the “I’d feel like a bad daughter if I was you” thing that made ME want to respond.
Friend picked a fight, then picked on OP’s moral character. Sure, walking away was an option, but so was just shutting the argument down.

Anxious_Reporter_601 −  ESH some people, like you, are lucky and have parents who can help them financially for the whole of their studies. Your friend’s parents aren’t doing the same for her and that’s fine too. You are both making value judgements about something that is morally neutral.

Kindwndrs −  NTA. She’s the one who started using the currency of love in this argument that you didn’t even want to be an argument. Implying that you love your parents less and trying to distort your parents’ love for you was demeaning and audacious. She wasn’t interested in understanding or listening to your circumstances, she just wanted you to feel bad as much as she wanted to feel superior.

As for not insulting her…I mean..why not? She as sure didn’t hesitate to insult you by implying what she did. But if you’re really keen on keeping this friendship, you may as well use this argument to establish healthy boundaries with her. Have empathy for other people but refuse to be made to feel bad about your good circumstances that you are hurting no one for.

[Reddit User] −  Definitely NTA I am a personal believer in when they go low I go to Hell so please don’t try me you won’t like my answer 🤷🏾‍♀️