AITA for telling my daughter’s grandparents to stop giving her arm floaties and goggles in the pool?

A Reddit user shared her dilemma regarding her daughter’s swimming lessons and her grandparents’ insistence on using floaties and goggles during pool time.

The user, a 24-year-old mother, is concerned that these accessories hinder her daughter’s progress in swimming, as she has been taking lessons to develop her skills.

Despite expressing her worries, the grandparents prioritize their comfort and safety, insisting on using floaties when watching her in the pool. After a disagreement about the best way to approach swimming safety, the user is left questioning whether her stance is unreasonable. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my daughter’s grandparents to stop giving her arm floaties and goggles in the pool?’

My (24F) daughter (4F) goes to her grandparents house everyday that she’s with her dad so they can watch her to babysit while her dad works. They put arm floaties and goggles on her when she gets in the pool and watch her from outside the pool.

I told them to stop putting them on her, because she is in swim classes and it causes delays and regressions in her skills and causes her to swim with unnatural skills. They told me it’s okay, it’s safer and they feel more comfortable having her in the pool that way.

I told them I take her to swim every week, and I see her regressing and struggling to be comfortable in the pool now without floaties or goggles when she normally is a very strong swimmer for her age and I’m not really asking.

Her swimming instructor also agreed that using these can cause a regression in her swimming skills. She said they don’t get in the pool and reiterated they feel more comfortable when she has these things with her.

I said they should be in the pool with her regardless and either they can do that or I’d prefer her not to be in their pool unless she can be free in the pool with no goggles or floaties and she’ll have to wait until I or her father can be in the pool with her.

They said I’m being unreasonable and that they will put her in the pool and I’m being unfair and they’re just trying to be safe. I said they’re going to cause safety issues in the long run if she finds herself in a position where she falls in a pool or something similar and can’t get herself out because her skills have regressed.

They’re calling me over dramatic, and her father is getting mad at me as well. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

RightLocal1356 −  NTA – It sounds like you’re not with her father anymore. Are the two of you on good terms? Because his parents might respond better if it came from him. Have you told him what her swim instructor said? If you can convince him, then getting him to talk to his parents would be the best approach.

hubertburnette −  I’m on your side about the floaties being bad, but obviously her grandparents are going to keep doing it. You have two choices–don’t send your daughter over there (she goes there only if you’re with her), or you let them put floaties on her. There are some people you can’t talk out of a bad decision.

[Reddit User] −  Why can’t you get her an actual life jacket so she can use her arms freely and still make her grandparents comfortable?
Your child’s grandparents are not trained swimming instructors.

They’re trying to make sure your daughter doesn’t drown on their watch. Honestly YTA, she’s 4, flotation devices are expected at that age and life saving.

Artblock_Insomniac −  NTA, and as a professional lifeguard instructor for almost 10 years I want to make it very clear that arm floaties (specifically those WITHOUT the chest piece) are NOT LIFE SAVING DEVICES.

They are made to assist weak swimmers WITH ACTIVE SUPERVISION. A child SHOULD NEVER be in a pool unattended and if they refuse to follow that rule then there should be ZERO pool time. Non-negotiable.

The shortest recorded drowning happened just under 10 seconds. They went from perfectly fine to clinically dead in that time frame. Pool supervision is a REQUIREMENT.

The-Hive-Queen −  I agree with you on certain points. A 4yo should *not* be in the pool alone, even if they’re watching from the sidelines. If they’re not willing be in there with her, how long is the hesitation going to be if something actually happens?

Info, though… floaties and goggles are regressing her swim lessons? I get I’m not a parent or a swim coach but… how? Would a proper life jacket / safety vest be a better solution if they insist on using floatation aids?

EDIT: OP responded to someone else about being fine with a life jacket. My verdict is ESH. It feels like the grandparents are trying to use toys as a replacement for adequate supervision and engagement.

If they’re not willing to get in the pool *ever*, then they should not be letting her in the pool when they are solely responsible for her. But I’m not exactly on OP’s side. This is not an issue regarding her *four year old’s* swimming ability. It’s an issue regarding basic safety around water.

TheMotherOfFlaggons −  They are using the floaties inlieu of proper supervision. I would not be comfortable with my four year old swimming without adequate supervision.

You are NTA but you have a choice to make since they’ve shown they are not going to follow your instructions with regard to your child: are you going to allow them to do what they want or are you going to find alternative childcare arrangements?

PuzzleheadedRoyal559 −  This must be your first time with grandparents who think they know more than you. Get used to it and pick your battles carefully as long as you need their help. You’re NTA, but don’t expect much to change, no matter what you say.

Scottish_squirrel −  Not really the a**hole. Floaties are terrible for kids. Teach them nothing and can put them in an unsafe situation. The goggles bit I don’t understand? Why are you against her eyes being protected?

As a former competitive swimmer who swam without goggles, I can’t tell you the constant pain I used to be in. Now I’d never swim without them.

zflora −  I understand why floaties is not the best idea in this case but I absolutely not understand the issue with googles : chlore is bad for eyes. Someone can explain it to me? Thanks

PhysicsTeachMom −  Why don’t you buy a swim vest without arm floats? It’s better than floaties and will keep her safe. I wouldn’t like them not being in the pool with her but as a divorced mom I also know it’s likely out of your control.

Do you think the mother is right to insist her daughter swim without floaties to improve her skills, or do the grandparents have a point in prioritizing safety? How would you approach a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!