AITA for telling my daughter that life isn’t highschool and if it was she would be the l**er now?

A mother with two adult daughters, Kelly (24) and Sara (23), reflects on their different paths since high school. Kelly, who was popular but struggled academically, now has trouble with jealousy towards Sara, who pursued academics and is thriving professionally.

After Sara announced her plans for a cruise, Kelly made hurtful remarks, and the mother responded by saying that life isn’t like high school and that, if it were, Kelly would be the “loser.” Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my daughter that life isn’t highschool and if it was she would be the l**er now?’

My daughter is 24 (Kelly) and my younger daughter is 23 (Sara). They both had very different high school experiences. Kelly was very social and in different sports. Sara was very academic and had a small group of friends.

Kelly got a sport scholarship for college but soon dropped out of college after she failed multiple classes. She basically partied and did her sport and nothing else. Sara went on to finish her degree and is doing well in life. Kelly has a jealously issue, and I have talked with her beofore about it.

She is never happy when Sara has an accomplishment. Today Sara told us that she is going on a cruise for her vacation this year. Kelly always wanted to go on a cruise and couldn’t afford it with her waiter job.

In the car she blew up saying that Sara was a l**er in highschool so it isn’t fair that she has all this now. She went on for a bit when I had enough. I told her that life isn’t like highschool and it if was she was the l**er now. This started and agruement and she called me a b**ch

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

1962Michael −  NTA. While it’s never good to call your child a l**er, you were using the word she used for her sister and in a conditional manner, so I’ll give that a pass. I think it’s probably closer to the truth that Sara was never a l**er–she was just playing a different “game.”

She did what she was interested in, had close friends, and probably never wanted to be “popular.” Research has shown that siblings intentionally differentiate themselves from each other. I had 5 siblings, and we were all very different.

My closest brother, only 14 months older, was on the chess club in high school. I could never beat him at home, so I never joined. In this case since Kelly was older and liked sports, Sara could never be as good as Kelly in sports, so she chose to focus on classwork. Kelly was a favorite with the coaches, and Sara with the teachers.

OverallDonut3646 −  NTA. She’s acting like a l**er who peaked in high school, and equates everything back to high school. You clearly put things into perspective in a way that she can understand, and she did not like it. Did she think being cool and good at a sport (that she no longer plays) would get her through life?

midnightsunofabitch −  NTA Kelly is obviously behaving like a complete b**t, and I can only imagine how frustrated you must be. But…**I can guarantee that Kelly is going to remember her mother (?) calling her a “l**er” for the rest of her life.** That’s the sort of thing you just don’t forget.

My siblings can call me a l**er and it’s water off a duck’s back. Let my mom or dad say that and I would be DEVASTATED. Some things just hit different coming from a parent. There was probably a more constructive way for you to respond to Kelly.

If I were you I would definitely sit her down and have a conversation. Something expressing how YOU don’t view her as a l**er, but you worry about the way she views herself, and the overt jealousy/resentment she has towards her sister.

Remind her that if she’s so unhappy with her life it’s on her to fix it, and hating on her sister isn’t going to solve anything. It’s cheesy, but tell her that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Mainly though, you just want to convey that you don’t consider her a l**er.

tinymi3 −  NTA, you tell it like it is. you’re calling out that her high school mentality is super outdated and hopefully it resonates with her. it’s sad to believe the “status” someone held in the 4 years of highschool should determine the quality of life in the following decades.

She’s cruel to her sister for being successful, then complains when the mirror is reflected back on her life choices. Turns out the tables can turn sharply once you’re in the adult world. Kelly made choices and she has to come to terms with the outcome. She still has plenty of time to make new choices too, she’s still young.

Dlraetz1 −  ESH- I 100% agree with what you told your daughter but you missed a huge opportunity to ask her what her plans are to improve her life today. It was a perfect opportunity to push her towards college/trades/business ownership. We live in a time where college is not the only path to success.

Even though your daughter is an adult, as a parent I hope you’re pushing her to find a path that will allow her to fulfill her goals .Kelly obviously is TAH for her jealousy, being stuck in high school and calling you a b**ch

Aggressive_Cup8452 −  NtA. It’s no one’s fault but her own that she peaked in highschool. Maybe this will give her a wake up call to do something.

Certain-Thought531 −  NTA it’s about time she got a reality check. She’s the one who threw her studies down the drain to party while her sister worked her b**t off to complete them. Actions have concesquences it’s about time she learns this lesson. She’s 24, not 14 it’s time for her to grow up.

sadmep −  NTA: Show her Napolean Dynomite and ask her if she wants to be that guy still reliving his HS football days by taping himself trying to throw a football over a mountain.

hadMcDofordinner −  Kelly is very immature and terribly envious of her sister. Help her make an appointment with a life coach to learn how to move forward. She goofed up after high school.but deserves to hear that she can get back on track. NTA But do help Kelly find a way to move on. She had some potential when she was younger.

Was the mother’s response too harsh, or a necessary reality check? Share your thoughts below!