AITA for telling my dad’s wife she’s not my baby’s grandma?

A Redditor, excited to announce her pregnancy, faced an unexpected response from her father’s wife, Ingrid. After revealing the news to her dad, Ingrid quickly claimed the role of “grandma” for the baby. However, the Redditor firmly stated that her mother and her boyfriend’s mother would fill that role instead.

This prompted a heated exchange, leading to Ingrid storming out and leaving the Redditor questioning if she overreacted. Read below to see how this family dynamic unfolded and if her reaction was justified.

‘ AITA for telling my dad’s wife she’s not my baby’s grandma?’

Me (F24) and my boyfriend (M26) are finally pregnant after trying for a few months (yay). Naturally we told our family’s about our great news, expecting a happy response. My parents are divorced and my mother has been remarried for over 17 years.

So we firstly told my mother (future grandma to our baby) and she was so happy and excited about it. When we told my dad, whom I don’t have a great relationship with, and his wife since 5 years back, his wife, let’s call her Ingrid, directly assumed she would be our baby’s grandma.

I politely said that she would not be a grandma, because that space is already filled by my mother and my boyfriend’s mother. Ingrid did not take this well and she said that we should be so lucky to have HER as a grandma to our kid and that she hopes we will regret our decision.

I might have gotten a bit triggered by this and told her that she barely knows me, and his not really tried to make an effort to know me and therefore she certainly would not in any way be a grandma to our kid. She stormed out of the house and I have not talked to her since this.

I don’t get it because my mother’s husband (who I grew up with and have lived with most of my life) did not at any time assume he would be called grandpa because in his own words “I’m not your dad, so why would I be your baby’s grandpa” AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Brom_01 −  NTA. You don’t have a relationship with her, so she isn’t entitelt to a relationship with the kid. My grandparents remarried, but I don’t really see their spouses as my grandparents. Also, someone can have more than two sets of grandparents. Families don’t have a members cap.

notyposhere −  NTA. It’s up to you. But it is different for different families. My husband and I share 11 grandkids. Some are his and some are mine but the kids don’t even know the difference. They have other grandparents and no one cares how many they have. We all go to sports events and birthdays. I do think you kind of want to hurt her back though so be sure your decision is best for the child.

Hmmmmmm2023 −  I don’t understand what the harm is in letting someone who is married to one of your parents be a step grandparent. Who cares?? Give them a special name or something doesn’t mean you have to bring the kid over all the time but more people loving the kid is not a bad thing.

Lintree −  ESH. You’re all being weird here. She is your child’s step-grandma. There are no arbitrary limits on how many family members you have, so this is not a ‘decision’. Now, you may try to strengthen the relationship with the other grandmas, that’s totally up to you, but your child may know this person their entire life, so they will have a very different experience.

saintsgma −  Bonus grandma here. (In the family for 25 years.) I see both sides. 18 years ago, I didn’t EXPECT, but I was thrilled to be asked, what name I wanted as a grandma name. Our grandson had 6 ‘grandmas’ at birth because his great-great grandmother was still alive.

Anyway, I chose a nickname that meant something in my own family, but didn’t push any boundaries in my partner’s family. Now every kiddo calls me by that name, including my grandkids’ cousins. I also adore my ‘kids’ to whom I am a bonus mom. But… more importantly to your situation, I did the work.

I showed up. I changed diapers, I go to sports events and concerts—because I enjoy all of it, but also because that’s what a grandma does. So… your LO might benefit from another ‘grandparent’, but it’s not a prize for your dad’s GF, it’s an earned privilege. IMHO.

Upstairs_Ad138 −  YTA kids can have more than 2 .and why deny your kid love?

Bearmancartoons −  NTA. Assuming she doesn’t have any other grandkids?

Queen_Sized_Beauty −  NTA. You have no relationship with her, and she has treated you terribly in the past. Why she thinks she’d even be allowed *around* your baby confuses me.

Spicy_Traveler94 −  NAH. They are called “bonus” grandparents. I see it as a small benefit. My nuclear family imploded and it sucked, but then there were all these old people being nice to me. (I was the kid.)

Soggy_Friendship_794 −  ESH. Her for assuming and getting upset and you for your weird only x number of grandparents allowed. The more to love a kid, the better 🤷🏼‍♀️. And the step parents will be around your kid and I am assuming they will eventually be called grandparents cuz it’s a hell of a lot easier to say grandma and grandpa smith instead of grandma smith and her husband lol

Was the Redditor justified in standing her ground regarding grandparent titles, or should she have been more accommodating to her father’s wife’s feelings? How would you navigate such family dynamics when it comes to naming roles for new family members? Share your thoughts below!