AITA for telling my dad I’m not cutting off my grandma for not treating my stepsister the same as me?

A Redditor shared their difficult family situation, where their dad has prioritized his stepdaughter over them for years. In response, their grandmother has given them special treatment, while excluding their stepsister, creating further tension in the family. The Redditor explains their decision to support their grandma, even though it has upset their dad and stepsister. Read the full story below to learn more about the conflict!

‘ AITA for telling my dad I’m not cutting off my grandma for not treating my stepsister the same as me?’

My dad and grandma have been fighting a lot since he got married 5 years ago. Grandma knows dad has poured way more energy into his stepdaughter (16) than me (17) and she tried to warn him that it was pushing me away. Dad would get defensive and say I needed to adjust to sharing him and look, I get a mom out of it like my stepsister got a dad out of it.

She told him I was being left out and it wasn’t his wife’s job to make up for him focusing on his stepdaughter it was on him to be a father to his son. My dad called her an interfering old bat and he told her to f**k off. I backed my grandma up during one of their fights and he accused her of putting it in my head. But I went to her about it, not the other way around.

So in retaliation my grandma has spoiled me and showered me with love and affection and doesn’t do anything for my stepsister. This made my dad and his wife super f**king mad. They said we should be treated equally or neither gets anything.

My grandma wrote out what I got for Christmas the year before they got married, the year they got married and the year after they got married and what my stepsister got. She showed them the disparity in what they got me vs her. And showed she had previously treated us both the same with gifts and stuff but no more.

My stepsister is upset and hurt because she has no grandparents and wanted my grandma to accept her. I should probably feel bad about that but I don’t. She got my dad so I’m glad grandma is loyal to me and not some new girl in our lives. It’s not her fault. But I don’t consider her family. I wish she and her mom would go away again and I could have a good relationship with my dad again. But my dad is crazy about his wife and stepdaughter so it won’t happen.

I spend a lot of time with grandma because of everything. This annoys my dad. He said I should be loyal to my family and I told him I am. He said he meant my sister and the family we have at home. I told him I don’t have a sister, I live with a random girl but she’s not biologically his daughter or legally his.

I told him I’m not going to let her get everything while I get nothing. He said I had a better life than her before their marriage so can’t I accept she needs extra and I told him no. I said he’d picked her over me and I wouldn’t forget it.

Dad found out grandma got me a ton of stuff for Christmas and I told him I’m going to her house this year. He told me so I’m going to get showered in gifts and not cut off the woman who got her own granddaughter nothing for Christmas. I said I’m not cutting grandma off for a stepsister I didn’t ask for and don’t care about. I don’t care if she doesn’t treat us the same because at least someone is picking me over her.

I told him this all goes back to him tossing me aside the very first chance he got and prioritizing his stepkid. He told me he was disappointed in my lack of empathy and I told him he disappointed me in his failings at being my dad, not his stepdaughter’s dad, but mine.. AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

redditlurker1981 −  NTA. Your dads just trying to shove his new family down your throat, which never f**king works. I don’t know why parents think that it will. Is your mom in your life? Can you go live with her?

TheFinalPhilter −  NTA does your dad realize he is basically asking for you to go NC as soon as you turn 18?

Antique_Ad4497 −  NTA. Seriously, what did he expect? If I were you, I’d be asking nana if I could move in with her. He’s being unreasonable, and just because you may have had a better life than her before the marriage is irrelevant. He shouldn’t be pushing his own son out for another man’s chid. That’s absurd.

I’m glad you have a strong bond with your grandmother. I miss my nana every day & she’s been gone 4 decades! Please stick to your guns. Any parent that chooses a partner over their own children are selfish arseholes.

Rowana133 −  NTA. Move out and live with grandma as soon as you hit 18. Go NC with your dad. Maybe one day he will realize where he screwed up but I doubt it. Until then focus on your true family who loves you unconditionally. I would recommend getting yourself some therapy once you are out of your dad’s house though. He emotionally abandoned you and that takes its toll. If your grandma gets a decent lawyer and plays that angle, you might be able to live with her before 18.

Deb_elf −  NTA. I’m here to tell you to be as petty as possible until you can live with grandma. But before you do, please talk to grandma about the future. Who owns her house? Does she have assets? Life insurance? Who is the LISTED beneficiary? A beneficiary can’t be contested whereas a will can. If she leaves you her house but you can’t afford taxes and maintenance you will end up back with dad. I’m a financial planner. Ask me anything.

ProfPlumDidIt −  NTA. I’d tell him something like, “If you had treated us equally, Grandma would have treated us equally, but instead she’s having to compensate for your failures. Any disparity is your fault, and yours alone. Any chance of me considering them family was destroyed when their presence cost me a caring father, and that’s also your fault, so stop being a h**ocrite by accusing Grandma and I of not being loyal to family when you’re the one who created every problem you’re mad about.”

Kyra_Heiker −  You are doing an excellent job of advocating for yourself and I’m so glad you have your grandmother on your side. I’m sorry your father has failed you so badly but I think you’re going to be fine.. NTA.

TypicalManagement680 −  NTA Not one bit, your dad made this bed, not you.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Tomorrow if ur dad divorces. So relation with grannie will end. The forced relationship doesn’t work..you can’t automatically start loving new kids because ur children decided to bring them. I will die on this hill. You can’t just love step grandchildren automatically. It takes time. And still the bio grandkids come first.

I repeat grandparents and uncle aunties are not suppose to love kids automatically. Parents need to develop a relation and here in ur case. Ur dad is terrible dad. And made sure grannie will never like new spawn because of ur mistreatment. How would she tolerate that her own blood grandson is being treated so bad by her own son?

You dad is stupid. He treats his son horribly and in old age. He will cry when you won’t come to him and if he gets divorced. Step daughter won’t even look at him . You should be his priority first. And just because she didn’t have lots growing up. That doesn’t mean you should be made cinderalla because he is busy pleasing his new bang maid. I feel if you have a college fund. It will not only be shared but also taken away from you.

SPoopa83 −  NTA. But don’t forget to reciprocate — get your grandma something good and thoughtful and let her know how much she means to you.