AITA for telling my brother’s wife she doesn’t have to attend family holidays if she’s unhappy with my brother’s ex being there?

A Redditor shared a family conflict involving their brother’s current wife, Tina, and his ex-wife, Hannah, who remains close to the family. Tina expressed her unhappiness about Hannah attending family holidays and asked the Redditor to exclude her.

The Redditor stood firm, explaining that Hannah is part of the family and even suggested that Tina could skip the holidays if it upset her. Now, Tina feels disrespected, and tensions are rising. Read the full story below and share your perspective!

‘ AITA for telling my brother’s wife she doesn’t have to attend family holidays if she’s unhappy with my brother’s ex being there?’

My brother Dan (40) was married to Hannah (39) for 10 years and they have two kids together. Luke (11) and Dex (9). They divorced 6 years ago after Dan showed a lack of regard for Hannah or his kids. He has every other weekend with his kids now and Hannah has primary custody.

Hannah was close to our family throughout their relationship and even when it ended she remained a big part of our lives. Some of us are significantly closer to Hannah than to Dan. And Hannah has her own complicated family stuff so she’s always talked about how grateful she is we didn’t d**p her.

Dan met Tina (35) 3 years ago and they got married fast. My parents never wanted to exclude Dan so he was always invited to family stuff by them and us siblings because of our parents. But Hannah and the kids were invited for Christmas and Thanksgiving too because we wanted to see them.

My brother never has them for holidays so it’s not an option to wait for “his years” and I mention this because it has come up. I don’t know if Dan told Tina but the first year they came to Thanksgiving as a couple she was clearly unhappy that Hannah was there.

She has questioned why we invite Hannah a few times and she always got the answer that Hannah is family still and she’s also the mother to the kids and we enjoy seeing them too. Recently Tina has been more outspoken about her dislike of Hannah being invited and she told me, since I’m hosting Christmas this year, that I should choose family over some ex. I told her Hannah has been in my life for more than 18 years and I won’t end that for her.

Tina said if it’s for Luke and Dex then wait for Dan’s time. I told her he never has his kids for the holidays and that Hannah has primary custody and we would never deny her having them for Christmas just because she (Tina) doesn’t like Hannah being there. She said it’s disrespectful to her as Dan’s wife and the mother to his unborn child. I told her she doesn’t have to attend if she’s unhappy with Hannah being there.

She freaked out and told me I should want her there more than Hannah and how dare I stand by the ex. She said we all disrespect her when we include Hannah and treat her like family still.. AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

shyfidelity −  NTA. That’s what happens when you date a deadbeat parent.

LakeGlen4287 −  NTA. Tina is wrong. If your brother never has custody of the kids for the holidays, then the only way the whole family gets to see the kids/grandkids at Christmas is for Hannah to bring them. Not to mention she has been in your lives for 18 years. This is the reality of a modern family. There are going to be exes and in-laws and kids from other marriages.

I would tell Tina, “When you married into this family, you married into the WHOLE family, including the part with Dan’s kids and ex wife. If you wanted a man with no baggage, who did not already have an ex wife and kids from a previous marriage, then you should not have married Dan, because Dan has all that, and so does our whole family, and we always will.”

DeanOMiite −  NTA. I totally get why she’s uncomfortable but tough nuggets lady, get over yourself. I’ve always had this standing rule that when given the choice of “it’s me or somebody else” I am always taking somebody else. Don’t make me choose.

No_Cockroach4248 −  Tina has a comprehension problem, she is not aware after 3 years that her husband is tolerated by his siblings because of their parents. She also seems perfectly happy not to have her step kids around for Thanksgiving and Christmas three years running. NTA, the issue is Dan is not too keen on his role as a father. edit: made a mess of names

CaptainBeefy79 −  NTA. Maybe it was fast, but I find it hard to believe she didn’t know what she was marrying into.

Corpuscular_Ocelot −  NTA. “Honey, we barely invite Dan, so being Dan’s wife doesn’t get you any special treatment”.

writing_mm_romance −  I bet Tina is gonna find out why Hannah left Dan once that kid is born, then she’s going to wish she hadn’t been so against maintaining the relationship with his family. It never ceases to amaze me how guys who give zero fucks about women and the children they create never seen to stop creating them. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Cursd818 −  NTA. Hannah *is* family. Tina is your brother’s wife. It doesn’t sound like you’re even close to your brother, so Hannah is more your family than him. Tell Dan to manage his wife. That Hannah will always be invited, and it is up to him to manage Tina’s tantrums, not you.

perpetuallyxhausted −  NTA she’s been with your brother for 3 years. How does she not know his parenting schedule with them? Tina said if it’s for Luke and Dex then wait for Dan’s time. Has there not been a holiday in the 3 years she’s been around? /s Also if she really is pregnant, get ready for her to start weaponising her baby to kick out Hannah and possibly also your nephews.

Southern-Influence64 −  NTA. Interesting that Hannah isn’t uncomfortable and doesn’t expect anyone to exclude Tina or anyone else for that matter. Women like this is are so insecure! My mom and my stepmom used to have enjoyable conversations at family gatherings. It can be done if you are both adults.