AITA for telling my boyfriend “your pet peeve is inconsequential” while we were driving?
While driving, a woman told her boyfriend that his pet peeve about people using the freeway for only one exit was “inconsequential.” She later apologized for invalidating his feelings, acknowledging everyone is entitled to their pet peeves.
However, her boyfriend remained cold and annoyed throughout the evening, saying he needed more time to get over it. She wonders if her initial comment makes her the antagonist, given her unprompted apology. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for telling my boyfriend “your pet peeve is inconsequential” while we were driving? ‘
My boyfriend was very upset at me last night because while we were driving, he said his pet peeve is when people drive on the freeway for only one exit. He said it bothers him if they get on the freeway only to get off at the next exit.
I said “that is an inconsequential pet peeve because there’s no traffic and it has no effect on you.” I could tell it bothered him because later in the evening he was cold to me, so I apologized for invalidating his pet peeve. I realized everyone is entitled to their pet peeves, regardless of how they seem to me.
But he remained cold the rest of the evening, so I asked if he was annoyed at me and he said yes. I asked him why and he said it was because I “got on him” earlier about his pet peeve. I said “but I apologized unprompted,” and he said he’s just going to need more time to get over it.
I feel like his continued annoyance is disproportionate to the circumstance. Am I still the a**hole here for what I said to him? Edited to add: he was not referring to my driving, he was referring to another car ahead of us that had a small boat secured to its hood.
I said “that boat looks like it is not securely attached to that car.” And then the car took the very next exit so I said “at least they are getting off the freeway,” then he said “that’s my pet peeve when someone drives on the freeway for only one exit.”
These are the responses from Reddit users:
peggingpinhead − I mean, you said yourself that you were the AH for shitting on his pet peeve. Or at least you implied it by apologizing for it. So the question here isn’t,
“Am i the a**hole for what I said” its “am i the a**hole for being annoyed that my boyfriend is still annoyed” to which isn’t really a conflict. PS: the whole point of a pet peeve is that it doesn’t effect you. Otherwise it’s just a peeve.
Cangal39 − ESH all peeves are inconsequential when you come down to it. He’s overdoing the sulking though.
k_princess − Sheesh. He’d hate that where I used to live there is literally a one mile stretch where you can take the highway, or the frontage road (road that runs along the side). Most people take the highway because the speed limit is 70, compared to the 45 of the frontage road.
Or the several other places where there is no side roads at all and the only way to get places is to take the highway and literally go only one exit.. NTA
peony_chalk − Clearly his pet peeve is people telling him that his pet peeve is inconsequential.. I’m gonna go with NTA. No, you shouldn’t s**t on other people’s pet peeves, but also, IMO, a pet peeve is inherently something that bothers you more than other people, or out of proportion to other people.
Nobody likes people talking in a movie theater, for example, but some people can brush it off (they might say it irritates them) and some people get enraged (as in, this is my pet peeve, it is particularly and especially irritating to me).
If he’s saying it’s a pet peeve, he’s admitting that this bothers him more than the “norm” is bothered by this. You saying that it’s such an inconsequential thing to get upset about is basically you saying that yeah, he’s pretty outside the norm on how much he’s bothered by this.
He couldn’t just say “yeah, I know, it’s weird but it just drives me absolutely bonkers”? And then you could both laugh about it and move on … if having his pet peeves criticized wasn’t also his pet peeve. Usually I’m pro letting people have their feelings and not minimizing how they feel, so in that vein, yes,
I think you need to let this go and give him the time he says he needs. But I also agree with you that this is way out of proportion and possibly even a miscommunication (perhaps you have the same definition of a pet peeve that I do, and it means something different to him), and it’s a d**k move to hold this over you for this long.
Joubachi − NTA – What you said may not exactly be nice, but frankly you have a point. But what is more so influencing my opinion is how he reacts to it. He could have easily ‘stood up for himself’ and called it a day, in a relationship minor “disagreements” (if you can even call it that) shouldn’t be a problem.
he said he’s just going to need more time to get over it. Why is he making it such a big deal? If I understand it right it seems that this isn’t the only incident in which he sulks so badly over something small. That’s odd tbh.
hereforlulziguess − NTA and it’s actually really telling how many people don’t realize how s**tty it is for someone to “treat you coldly” for a mild disagreement, especially if you apologize.
That’s withholding behavior, and if it’s a pattern it can be a**sive. TBH he’s trying to train you to never disagree with his opinion, that’s why he’s withdrawing and punishing you.
Chill_yinzerguy − Sometimes I read these and laugh like this s**t can’t be real but assuming it is…If that’s his pet peeve he must have a very easy life lol. He sounds a little bit of a whiny l**er but maybe he’s 16 or something – I dunno how old yinz are.
Regardless you’re NTA. Next time you’re driving with him in the passenger seat if I was you I’d get on the highway just because, and get off at the next exit 🤣
LieutenantStiff − Yeah the whole thing’s ridiculous — imagine getting legitimately upset because someone pointed out your weird hangup about freeway exits is kinda pointless. You apologized (which was probably more than necessary), and he’s still sulking about it? That’s some next-level petty s**t right there.
UpstairsBag6137 − NTA His pet peeve *is* inconsequential. He’s not driving. It’s not for him to feel any particular way about it so long as you aren’t driving unsafely. Is he always so sensitive about s**t that has zero impact on him?
Or does he just like to nit-pick? If he’s wound up so tight, he can drive…. or just shut up. IMO: He didn’t just want to share. He wanted to criticize.
Is the boyfriend justified in holding onto his frustration, or should he have accepted her apology and moved on? Was the comment really that offensive? Share your perspective below!