AITA for telling my boyfriend that his masculinity was fragile after he refused to buy me pads?

A 23-year-old woman asked her boyfriend to buy pads for her when she got her period unexpectedly. He refused, claiming he didn’t want to be seen buying pads because it would make him look “like a tr***y.” After laughing off his response and calling his masculinity fragile, the situation escalated. The boyfriend’s views on gender roles and his lack of empathy led to a breakup. The woman is now questioning if she was too harsh in her reaction. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my boyfriend that his masculinity was fragile after he refused to buy me pads?’

I (23f) moved in with my boyfriend (24m) of two years a couple months ago. We haven’t had any problems before this argument. Things had been going pretty well. Anyways, a couple days ago, I got my period. It came early and I had ran out of pads.

I couldn’t leave to buy some because I bleed pretty heavily and I would’ve bled through my pants. So I asked my boyfriend if he could buy pads for me from the drugstore, because it was late. He immediately said no. I was shocked because I wasn’t really expecting that.

I asked him why. He said that he didn’t want the cashier to see him buying pads. At this point I started laughing because that was hilarious. He wasn’t joking though. He just glared at me. I told him that the cashier would obviously know it wasn’t for him. Plus, the cashier would definitely not care what he was buying. He still refused.

I told him that he could go to the self checkout machine if he was so insecure, but he said that he didn’t want anyone to see him with the pads because they’d think he was a “tr***y”. I told him that he was childish, and that his masculinity was really fragile if he couldn’t even buy pads for his own girlfriend. He got mad and went out.

I had to bunch up toilet paper as a makeshift pad, wear black pants and a long cardigan and go buy the pads myself. My boyfriend has been ignoring me ever since. I’ve been thinking that maybe I might’ve pushed it too far. So AITA for telling my boyfriend that his masculinity was fragile after he refused to buy pads for me?

*Edit*: *Wow, thank you for all your replies! I’m definitely going to have a serious talk with my boyfriend in the morning about this and we’ll see how it goes*

**UPDATE**: First off, thank you for all your awards, replies and stories, they all mean so much to me. I confronted my boyfriend an hour ago. We sat down together and I told him that I didn’t like how he acted about buying pads for me.

He said that he didn’t feel like he had to, and that I could’ve “held it in” and drove to the drugstore to get the pads myself. I told him that you can’t “hold in” menstrual blood, but he insisted that I could’ve done it for a few minutes and that it wouldn’t be a big deal. We went back and forth over this so I just dropped it.

I asked him (like most of you mentioned) what would happen when we have kids and he’d have to take care of me and buy me nipple cream, take me to the washroom, etc. He said that I would not need those things because I should be able to do them on my own after giving birth.

He said that there wasn’t anything hard about using the bathroom and the only reason I’d need help is if I was a “cripple”. Then I asked him about the tr***y comment. He said that he didn’t understand why people would want to change the gender they were born in. That basically cemented everything for me. I felt completely betrayed and humiliated.

I can’t believe I spent two years of my life with a guy who holds these views, and I can’t believe I was too oblivious to it. I just feel so dumb. I told him that we need to break up. He cussed at me and told me that I was exaggerating and that I was being a b**ch.

I told him that I would send him my half of this month’s rent (we live together but it was his appartement so we would split the bill). Then I packed my bags and drove to my parents house without saying another word.

I’m gonna be staying with my parents until I sort myself out. I’m feeling really down right now, because I really did love him, but I also feel relieved. Again, thank you all for helping me out, and sending me encouraging messages. I appreciate it all.

Check out how the community responded:

badb-crow −  NTA. Your boyfriend sounds immature, insecure, like a transphobe, and like he can’t endure slight embarrassment to help you out. Gross.

jelly_stapler −  NTA – He is a huge a**hole and his masculinity IS fragile. What does he think the cashier is gonna think?? ‘Hahaha this man knows someone who has periods?’

Calm_Memories −  NTA. Accurate assessment. Your bf sounds super crass and judgemental and yet feels like people will judge him poorly for being a thoughtful bf? Talk about projection.

He’s so insecure and inconsiderate and won’t help someone he cares about. It’s a simple ask. I won’t say leave him over this but you two need to figure out why he won’t help you because he’s so worried about what strangers think.

spoonfullofrage −  NTA, if he is man enough to go buy condoms, he should be man enough to buy other genital-related products. He is more concerned what random cashier no.

34 is thinking about him than he is about doing something for you as a boyfriend. I wonder why he is so insecure about random strangers possibly thinking he might be trans. That is quite a leap in a thought process. Did he have that happen before?

a_Hufflepuff_Girl −  NTA. While I can understand a young guy being made uncomfortable by something like this, his reasoning behind why he doesn’t wanna do it is what does him in.

General embarrasment over buying feminine products is very normal at first. Hell, I still try not to flash my box of tampons in my basket to this day because it’s no one’s business what is happening in my lady bits.

My husband still has issues buying condoms in a store for similar reasons (thank you Amazon.) If someone is uncomfortable, they’re uncomfortable. Their feelings are valid. Does that give him the right to be a d**k? No.

The part that puts you on the right side of this is the fact he was worried someone would think he’s trans. So the f**k what? —that’s a man with fragile masculinity. 99.9% of cashiers wouldn’t care and if they did they would assume he’s buying it for someone else.

The a**hole in me would be sure to throw a box of tampons in checkout next time he’s with you and say “Don’t forget your tampons sweetie. Remember the mess when we ran out last time…” I’d say it loud and right infront of the cashier. That’d really get him flustered….😂😂😂

Subparwoman −  NTA. I’ve literally witnessed a guy in Walgreens on Facetime with his girl in the pad aisle making sure he got her what she wanted. He kept picking up stuff and pointing at stuff to show her. Your guy’s masculinity is so so fragile it’s almost painful. And the transphobia isn’t a cute look either.

CapitalistCow −  Absolutely NTA. I would do this for my girlfriend in a heartbeat, no questions asked. It’s not that much to ask, especially when you’re in need. The fact that he used the word “tranny” also really drives home how wrong he is in the scenario. He really needs to reevaluate his priorities here, this is unacceptable and doesn’t only seem like fragile masculinity to me, but toxic masculinity.

Edit: I hope this isn’t regular behavior on his part. It represents a massive lack of maturity and empathy, and frankly he should be embarrassed. There is no scenario in which you would be the a**hole for this, and I sure hope he hasn’t made you feel that way. Sorry you’ve got to deal with this, it legitimately makes me upset to imagine someone could be that way.

tiredwriter633 −  NTA. Who would of thought that between the two, the pads were more durable.

nyanyasha −  NTA. Even my aunts 11 year old son who didn’t even know much about anything at that age went to buy her pads once. She forgot to restock and then couldn’t get up because of terrible, excruciating cramps so as soon as she said she needed some female hygiene products for her period, the kid misunderstood a bit,

stormed out, stormed into the d**g store and basically yelled “help! I need to buy mom some pads because she’s bleeding and if I don’t bring her pads she’ll die!”
We laugh about it at every family gathering to this day.

olatundew −  Ask him what he’ll do if he has a daughter someday who needs him to buy pads for her.

Relationships reveal our values and boundaries, but how much is too much when you feel betrayed or disrespected? Was the woman right to call out her boyfriend’s fragile masculinity, or did she overreact? Share your thoughts below!