AITA for telling my bf I feel like he graped me?
A woman opened up about a distressing incident with her boyfriend where he acted without her consent while she was half-asleep, causing her physical pain and emotional distress. When she confronted him, he dismissed her feelings, which led her to temporarily leave the shared home.
Following three days of silence, she reached out, and his response was dismissive and offensive, so she ended the relationship and blocked him. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for telling my bf I feel like he graped me?’
So my boyfriend (23) and I (f25) have been together for about two years, and we are technically living together. One night while sleeping, he climbed on top of me. In my sleepy haze, I asked “what are you doing?” and he says “what does it feel like?”. He entered me aggressively. Dry.
It was so painful, like I was getting split open. I was crying and screaming for him to stop, he didn’t. By the time he ‘finished’, which is the only reason why he stopped, I went to take a shower. I just felt dirty. In my mind, if he had initiated I would have been willing because we have a pretty decent s_x life.
But, I felt like I was not given the choice. The next day I asked what made him think that that was OK. He said I shook my b**t and he thought that was me initiating. Let me say here that I’m a very big girl and I’m shaped like a pear so I have a lot of booty.
Me adjusting in my sleep, I guess, caused a little ripple effect and he took this as a reason to have his way. I told him I feel like you graped me. He looked offended and told me that that was a disgusting thing to say, I made him feel like a predator and now he’s disgusted by the thought of even touching me.
I didn’t respond at this point, I grabbed my keys and left. I went home to my mother’s house. It’s been 3 days and we have not spoken. He hasn’t reach out to me, I didn’t reach out to him and now I’m wondering, was I wrong for telling him I feel like he graped me?
Considering he seemed so disgusted by it and again, if he had initiated it, I would have been willing. Should I have just ignored it?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
ArmadilloDays − Even if he thought you initiated, what the f**k is he explanation for not immediately stopping when you told him to??? For many years, marital rape wasn’t illegal – a lot of people believed a man could not rape his own wife.
I promise you that when you’re the one having nonconsenual s**, the violation isn’t ameliorated by knowing it was done by someone who is supposed to love you.
F**k him and his wee offended ego. He hurt you, he violated you, and he knew you wanted him to stop and he didn’t because his own gratification was more important to him than you are. That, my dear, is rape.
CrabbiestAsp − NTA. He did rape you. You did not consent, he did not make sure you were ready for it, he did not make sure you were into it, he ignored your screams to stop. He is a rapist and there is no way in hell you should ever go back to him.
Big_Concentrate2514 − Graped? You’re allowed to say rape…. And yeah, he raped you.
Powerpuff-007 − NTA because you told the truth. Even if the b**t wiggle is true, what did he think about the crying, screaming and telling him to stop? I’m really sorry for you, but this is just rape. Leave. This is not someone who cares about your feelings of your well being, this is someone who just uses you.
Once you crossed this barrière i’m afraid what else he’s capable of doing, because healthy normal men don’t get off when their girlfriends are scared.
Please, don’t make excuses for him. You deserve so much better. And try to talk to a professional about this experience, it sounds daunting. ❤️
Freerangechickem − What the hell. In no universe is it ok to keep having s** with someone while they are crying and screaming at you to stop. Get far away from this man.
SimpleAppeal2577 − I made him feel like a predator. Because he is. He raped you. Tell everyone he knows that he’s a rapist
hugboxer − You did not give consent. You told him to stop. He did not stop. The f**k is that if not rape?
Alice_Da_Cat − I am so sorry but you were raped. There is no denying that, you screamed and cried for him to stop and he didn’t. You need to stay the hell away from him, you are not safe, I would also report him to the police.
Here’s to being single and getting therapy, I am so sorry this happened to you OP. Sending you love & light <3
EnigmaticAbyss_ − he thinks shaking your b**t in your sleep is an invitation, I guess I need to stop my nightly interpretive dance sessions! 😂 But seriously, consent is key—sounds like he missed that memo!
Satans_Gooch_69 − NTA, you might want to consider leaving for your own safety so he won’t do this again.
Was she right in calling out her boyfriend’s behavior and ultimately ending things? Share your perspective below!
I was r*ped. It was exactly like this. She never said yes, she did say no multiple times. This is horrible.
Not only did he rape you, he then tried to manipulate you by saying he felt like he couldn’t touch you anymore. I think he was hoping for you to take it back and plead as if YOU were in the wrong. Leave quickly!
Girl….you were raped. Don’t start trying to sugar-coat it or 2nd guess what it was. Sex requires your consent, you did not give it. Rape should be reported. This makes me wonder if he perhaps is responsible for some unsolved rapes somewhere, since he doesn’t seem to think that consent is a real thing, and the idea that an a$s might move is in invitation. I don’t think he should get away with it. But, since you felt the need to come here and ask, I also figure you’re not gonna report him, either.
NTA!! Good for you for telling him what he did was wrong. I lived with my (now ex) husband doing this for years before I came to terms with the fact that this is rape and is not acceptable.
I’m so sorry you were raped by someone you thought you could trust. File a report with the police. Seek counseling for your wounded spirit. It’s difficult to come to terms with someone we cared about treating us with such disregard.