AITA for telling my (21F) brother (29M) that our parents owe him nothing??

A Reddit user shares a heartfelt story about confronting their brother, who they believe is taking advantage of their parents’ sacrifices. Despite their parents giving up their dreams to support him through a difficult divorce, the brother continues to demand more. The user questions his sense of entitlement and stands up for their parents’ sacrifices. Read the full story below to weigh in on the situation.

‘ AITA for telling my (21F) brother (29M) that our parents owe him nothing? ?’

My brother (29M) is going through a divorce and has full custody of his 5 year old daughter. My family has been extremely supportive, covering his legal fees, daycare costs for my niece, and household expenses, as well as paying for a vacation to Thailand for him and my niece to escape the stress.

They’re not too well off, just saved really well, sacrificing every little thing for my siblings and I so we could have the best opportunities. My father’s always wanted to open up a guitar customisation business after retirement and my mum a little boutique for her hand-embroidered crafts, and they’ve been saving up for it and it’s all been blown on my brother.

My parents even bought our SIL’s share of their shared house so my niece can grow up in her childhood home and have some stability during this time. While I understand helping, I feel my brother is taking advantage of it all, making more demands knowing my parents will indulge it.

He earns a decent salary too as a software engineer but keeps asking my parents for more money, including to cover the majority of a new car. He doesn’t need one, he just wants one because he had to downgrade from his range rover to a KIA after selling it during the split.

He’s not even grateful for it all, never says thank you, never even looks the least bit embarrassed to ask my parents for money to cover a new laptop, gaming setup, etc. My parents have sacrificed their own plans for him, my dad’s given up on ever opening his store, and I’ve been helping them financially as much as I can with my part-time job, but I recently found out they gave my contribution to him.

I never interfered in this until now because it was between them but I thought that money would be spent on them so they could do something they wanted, no matter how small, but I figured now I could intervene because I do not want to enable my brother or contribute to it.

I confronted him, and he accused me of sabotaging him and my niece, which isn’t true. I love my niece to bits and would drop everything for her but now he’s mad. My parents are trying not to say anything and cause him more stress because they don’t want to put more than the divorce on him so my niece will have at least one sane parent.

This isn’t them taking sides, they’re very supportive of me, they cover my education and rent and I work for my living and textbook costs which isn’t much, so it’s not like he’s the golden child, they’re just trying to do right by him but at their own expense which makes me sad.

More so when I confronted my brother and he said “this is the bare minimum, they owe me for bringing me into this world” which as a 29 year old man with a child and a job? I thought it was pathetic so I told him they owe him nothing at this age.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Paevatar −  NTA. Your brother is obviously an entitled leech, and your parents unfortunately are his enablers. Did you confront your parents about passing the money you gave them onto him? I’m curious about how they reacted.

East_Parking8340 −  His attitude is probably the fundamental reason for the divorce. it’s not as if he’s working for minimum wage. He’s a selfish p**ck who is probably going to mess up your niece.. NTA

sjohnson7645 −  NTA. What a greedy sounding brother. Really gross overreach on his part. I’m glad you are saying something. I get he is going through a divorce but they are meant to be hard. Finances take a hit. He is lucky to have such a supportive family. Talk to your parents more. Your parents needs to take a hard look at this situation and put their foot down. Also they should demand half the house be theirs.

1962Michael −  NTA. The specifics don’t matter in this case. No parent legally owes any child over 18 anything. Period. Your brother sounds like a real tool. Personally I’m on his ex-wife’s side, and I don’t even know them.

That said, I can’t believe you thought your words would have any impact on his behavior. Your parents are adults, as is your brother. You are entitled to express your opinion, but this is between them.

Tiny_Cauliflower_618 −  Ummm well. Now you know why his wife left.

chic-a-go-go −  Oh snap. This is my sibling but THANK GOD they never had kids. My sibling–like yours, it sounds like?–would be absolutely delighted for my parents to hand over every penny they’ve got, with never a thought for their own happiness,

their retirement and elder care, what they owe to themselves as hardworking people who’ve tried to do right and save for a comfortable future. Narcissists are never grateful or done taking. Every day is Groundhog Day, a day when no one ever did anything for them.

All this is to say, no. You are not the a**hole. And I’m so very sorry there’s a lovely little niece involved. It makes sense that your parents are throwing their retirement money at the situation when they’re trying to help out their ingrate child AND innocent grandkid.

And the fact that your brother has custody when the other parent is a woman (a generally unusual situation) tells me this little girl needs as many stable adults in her life as possible.

My hope for you is they ultimately cut your brother off financially and he stews and bitches and rages but has enough sense not to break with them right when he’s going to be needing family support and free childcare (assuming they live close) more than ever. Sending commiseration your way.

The_Naxian_ −  NTA. Your parents have obviously spoilt him growing up. This is not the type of behaviour that “just happens out of the blue”. He is probably used to it. So it was your parents decision to give up their dreams. Don’t feel bad for them. Move on.

Here_IGuess −  NTA, but at some point, you’ve got to stop enabling the enablers. You may not like it, but your parents have their own agency over their actions & are capable of saying no.

kiwimuz −  NTA. Other people can get divorced without being entitled and leeching off the family. You were right for calling out your brother on this. No he does not need a new car and no he did not need a trip to Thailand. The day care and other costs for his child are the responsibility of himself and his ex. Time he grew up and started to actually be an adult and take responsibility.

clowninmyhead −  NTA. Unfortunately, I have a brother like him. My dad used to put emphasis on education, repeating many times the importance of it. But what he did? Not studying. And this is not even, hey, I studied 3 hours, I deserves an hour of game. If he’s not sleeping or eating, he was doing some wasteful s**t. Literally if you let him be, he wont work for his future.

So naturally as he grew up, failed a equivalent of O level in my country, which honestly is much easier. He failed all but one subject. So naturally, the place that he can apply for work is kinda hard labour based. No disrespect to such job, seriously but he was job-hopping like every 6 months, at best.

His excuse/reason was almost always – it is such a hard job, my body cant take it. He also almost always ask for money from my mom, whose mistake was indulging his every wants ever since he was small. He will ask for a 20, pay a 10, ask for 20, pay a 10.

So last year, I invited him, my mom and another brother to come to my place – different part of the country. I paid for their tickets first. Guess who quit his job like a month before the trip and therefore unable to pay for the ticket? He was hoping I would cover his everything while he was here. Had to stood my ground.

I didnt allow him to come and I never spoke to him after that, because he refused to. Again, before anyone starts to throw insult my way, I have no bad perception towards such job. My mom and dad both worked such job. What I cant respect is lying down, stuffing your mouth all the while hoping you will get a 6 pack abs and depending on people to basically keep you alive.

Do you think the Redditor was right to confront her brother about his demands, or should she have stayed out of the situation? Are the parents justified in their sacrifices, or is it time to set boundaries? How would you navigate family responsibilities and financial pressures in a similar scenario? Share your perspectives in the comments below!