AITA for snapping at my mother after she missed my graduation?

A Reddit user, 18F, shares their frustration after their mother missed their high school graduation, despite the user overcoming significant mental health struggles and academic setbacks. The user had worked hard to finish school strong, earning second place in their subjects and receiving a scholarship and university offers.

However, when the user asked their mother why she wasn’t attending, the mother simply cited a headache and didn’t offer any support. The user was left feeling hurt, especially since their mother had previously pushed through illness for their younger sister. Read the full story below to see what happened next!

‘ AITA for snapping at my mother after she missed my graduation?’

I (F18) just graduated yesterday from highschool, this is a big moment for me as I struggled a lot with mental health issues that caused me to miss a year of school, have to repeat a year and attend my final years of school almost completely online.

Overall I have completely turned my education around and have finished this year with 2nd place in most of my subjects and an early offer to 2 universities as well as a scholarship.

My mother and I’s relationship has been strained recently as her favouritism for my younger sister (f15) has been on an all time high with her letting my sister be horrible to me and just letting it slide, including my sister yelling at me when I was having a mental health crisis.

I went into my mothers room fully dressed early in the morning and asked her why she wasn’t dressed as she was still laying in bed. She told me that she has had a headache for the past 2 days and doesn’t feel well.

I asked her if she would still come and she just said no, she didn’t say good luck or anything, just continued to scroll on her phone as I walked out. At my graduation numerous people asked me where my mom was and my 2 best friends’ parents offered to be my family for the day as my father also couldn’t attend due to work.

It felt so disappointing having the people who cheered for me as I did my speech and collected my rewards being people I had known for less than a year rather than my family. \[I am grateful to them though :’)\]

Once I got back home she didn’t come to congratulate me, she didn’t even acknowledge my existence until I went into her room and she asked me why I was so grumpy. I told her that my feelings were hurt that she didn’t come to my graduation.

She said ‘sorry but I don’t feel well’. I told her that this is a once in a lifetime thing and that she had pushed through headaches for my younger sister before for far less important things. She now isn’t really speaking to me, she still hasn’t asked about how graduation went and barely acknowledges me.

I just feel so disappointed, we weren’t always like this but our relationship has been deteriorating throughout the year and I just miss my mom. My older sister (21f) said that I need to let it go as my mom didn’t feel well and she said sorry.

I don’t feel like this is something a sorry can fix though, She recently (2 months ago) sat in a hot car for an hour after being sick for a week, to attend a year 10 information session for my younger sister, who didn’t even turn up but couldn’t come to my 1 hour graduation inside a airconditioned hall?. So, AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

YourRealDaddyy −  NTA. You’re completely justified in feeling the way you are. I would be furious as well if my parents did that. You’re mom is an ahole for ditching your important day, once in a lifetime, and g**lighting you.

Don’t let her walk all over you. Don’t try to apologize to her that’s what she wants, that’s why she’s emotionally blackmailing you. If she doesn’t wanna talk, don’t. Find out how low she can go before coming to her senses. Talk to your father. Explain the situation to him, that’ll annoy her even more.

As someone who’s faced parental neglection over another sibling, what worked for me was working on my relationship with the other parent ( in my case, my father prefers my sister over me in all things, so I teamed up with my mother to make them jealous). Stay strong op. And congratulations!

MoonlitsMermaid −  NTA. It sounds like your graduation wasn’t a priority for her, which really stings given your achievements—especially compared to how she’s been there for your sister.

You’re allowed to feel upset about this. Maybe a convo about how this made you feel is due, but take some time to celebrate your wins with those who showed up for you!

Mathalamus2 −  NTA. a headache is nothing. she should have attended.

OkConsideration8964 −  NTA. I’m not your mom, but I am a mom. My daughter isn’t much older than you. I just want to say CONGRATULATIONS!! It’s so impressive that you turned everything around, graduated and are thinking about college. I hope you’re VERY proud of yourself! I know I’m just an Internet stranger, but I’m really proud of you.

RazzmatazzOk9463 −  Has had a headache for 2 days but can scroll on her phone? Yeah right.. NTA.

Viva_Veracity1906 −  NTA. Your hurt and anger are justified. My father didn’t come to my graduation because he ‘didn’t like crowds’. He didn’t mind our 350 member church, the thousands downtown for festivals, the large construction sites he worked at or any country music concert.

He got over his aversion to crowds to attend my mother’s and sister’s graduations and take photos of them. No, he just didn’t care about mine. Fortunately my grandmother stepped in to attend. Her memory is a blessing.

Your mother and father failed. They should have planned, been there and supported you. Period. Dad may be less overt in his lack of priorities but taking a day off, or some hours off, is reasonable. Missing your hard-earned milestone for a job that would replace him before his body was cold is not.

Onwards and upwards. Roll into uni away from your family and see how your circle grows aside from them. You will in time have an event they very much want to attend. And you can remind them of this, exactly why they are not invited.

dncrmom −  Where do you live that HS graduation is early December in the morning midweek?

Skankyho1 −  I think both of your parents s**k. Your dad has known for awhile that this day was coming and should’ve arranged to come. But your mother is the biggest a**hole. She’s obviously playing favourites And what she did is repugnant, all of repulses to me as a mother and just in general was a human being.

She‘s lazy. I would’ve had to be in a Coma in the hospital to miss my daughter’s graduation when she graduated.The schools gave plenty of notice about this sort of stuff. Did your sister, the older one even bother to come?

Hotpotato_4556 −  NTA. Honestly I would also be fuming if my mother did this. She’s absolutely the a**hole. Don’t apologise for something that isn’t your fault. Talk to your father, can’t he support you on this topic? Sending love OP 🙂

Crafty_Presentation7 −  NTA. I can’t imagine missing my kid’s graduation over a headache, as if that’s even a reason. Even many deadbeats make it to their child’s high school graduation, even if they have selfish reasons, because one of the biggest days of your young life.

And then to try to “wonder” why you’re “grumpy”? Did your mom graduate herself? It sounds like she could be wrestling with some jealousy here, or even just favoritism since she prioritizes your younger sister.

Do you think the user was wrong for snapping at her mom, or was her reaction justified given the circumstances? Should a simple apology be enough to heal the hurt caused by her mother’s absence, or is this a deeper issue? Share your thoughts below!