AITA For snapping at my dad that family therapy is a waste of time because my stepmom and her kids just point fingers and I’m already 18 and on my way out anyways?
Family therapy can be a double-edged sword—sometimes it brings healing, but other times it feels like a stage for finger-pointing and endless drama. In this story, a 18‑year‑old, on the verge of moving out, recounts how he snapped at his dad during a family therapy session.
His stepmom, Sarah, and her kids have long been at odds with him and his dad. Their therapy sessions, which he is forced to attend, mostly consist of blaming and criticism rather than constructive dialogue. Frustrated by the constant finger-pointing and feeling that he never signed up for this family mess, he told his dad that therapy is a waste of time—and now his dad is disappointed and grounding him for his outburst. Now he wonders if his reaction was justified.
‘ AITA For snapping at my dad that family therapy is a waste of time because my stepmom and her kids just point fingers and I’m already 18 and on my way out anyways?’
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When therapy sessions devolve into blame games, it’s understandable that individuals may feel that their time is wasted. At 18, a person is developing a sense of independence, and being forced to attend sessions that only amplify conflict can be very counterproductive.”
She continues, “However, while it is natural to want to withdraw from a process that feels unhelpful, it’s also important to communicate these feelings in a way that can lead to constructive change. Expressing frustration is valid, but framing it in a manner that invites dialogue rather than alienation might lead to better outcomes in the long run.”
Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, adds, “Family therapy can be challenging when longstanding conflicts are involved. In cases where a young person feels that they are being forced into a system that only exacerbates negativity, it’s important for parents to listen and adjust the approach. Although your reaction reflects a desire for independence and respect, finding a middle ground—such as proposing alternative ways to resolve family conflicts—might serve everyone better.”
Both experts agree that while your emotional reaction is understandable, especially at a time when you’re balancing academic pressures and your desire for independence, addressing your concerns with clear, respectful communication is key to eventually finding a resolution.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Several redditors expressed strong support for your reaction. One user commented, “If your family therapy is nothing but a blame game, you’re not the asshole for calling it out. Sometimes you have to speak up when a process isn’t working for you.” Another user shared, “At 18, you’re just beginning to assert your independence. It’s totally valid to question a system that feels more like a punishment than a path to healing.”
Ultimately, your frustration about being forced into dysfunctional family therapy is understandable, especially as you transition into adulthood. While your outburst might have hurt your dad, it reflects a deeper need for change in how your family handles conflicts. This situation raises an important question: How do we balance the need for family healing with the desire for personal independence, especially when therapy seems to do more harm than good?
What would you do if you found yourself caught between the desire to grow independently and the expectation to remain involved in a dysfunctional family process? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the complex balance between asserting independence and maintaining family bonds.