AITA for showing my friend how to set a timer on his son’s computer to make him get off it by a certain time, making his son be angry at me?

A Redditor recounts how they helped a friend set a timer on his son’s computer to enforce a curfew, as the 10-year-old had been ignoring bedtime and sneaking back on the computer at night.

Although the user thought it was a helpful solution, the child has been furious with them ever since, leaving them wondering if they overstepped by getting involved. Read the full story below and share your thoughts…

‘ AITA for showing my friend how to set a timer on his son’s computer to make him get off it by a certain time, making his son be angry at me?’

This happened two weeks ago, and I do think that I am an a**hole in showing it to him and making his son be really ticked off at me.
My(55 F) friend (35 M) has a 10 year old son, who for the past month on the weekends would go beyond his curfew of 9 pm to get off the computer and get ready for bed by 10 pm.

He would get off the computer like around midnight but in the middle of the night, my friend would hear his son’s computer turn on around 3 am. I went over to bring him some boxes as he and his son are moving to a new apartment in a new city in three weeks.

While we were sitting down and drinking coffee and shooting the breeze about the joys of moving, thankfully, he had paid vacation time and PTO that he hadn’t used up yet.

He made mention about his son on the weekends staying up past his 9 pm curfew on getting off the computer to get ready for bed and then hearing him get up in the middle of the night to play on the computer. I made an offhand suggestion about setting a timer for his computer to turn off.

He looked at me like I grew two heads. He asked is that even possible? I was like yeah, just look on the computer. We had to look up how to put it on, by googling it. He never knew he could set a timer for the computer to turn off.

He even googled if it was possible to set the timer to allow the computer to be turned on, I didn’t even think that was possible, till we found it on google. So we got the son’s computer set to turn off at 9 pm and wake up at 6 am. He was very proud of himself for setting it up.

I had told him that his son will get used to the boundaries now. Do tell him the consequences of his actions has warranted a new punishment if he doesn’t follow curfew by getting off the computer by 9 pm.

Well, I got a phone call that night from my friend, his son was ticked off about his computer turning off at 9 pm. I could hear his son screaming at him for being a bad father and that he’s going to be reported for this at school.

I told him, the school won’t do anything beyond asking what you did, might want to drop him off and go speak with the principal about this, so whatever your son tries to get you into trouble.

Would be canceled out by you talking to the principal and the teacher probably would be sent a message pertaining to him so he cannot get you into any trouble since this happens at the library and at our school computers too.

My friend asked me if we did the right thing by doing this to him. I told him we did the right thing, he has to learn how to make due with the time he has on the computer before it shuts down, like he has to when he goes to the public library on Saturday, as the computers there shuts down at 4:45 pm.

His son has been constantly screaming at him for allowing me to destroy his computer time, and it is constant for the last two weeks. I seriously feel like I am the AH in this as I cheated his son out of being responsible with his computer time, but his dad asked me for advice and I gave it and his dad did it.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

AgnarCrackenhammer −  NTA – Child is throwing a childish tantrum. Dealing with them is part of being a parent.

PumpkinPowerful3292 −  NTA – Children need structure and boundaries. This no different than having a bedtime set at 9pm to have to turn the TV off and go to bed. So, the kid threatening to report the parent to his school for…parenting, is nonsense. The school will probably laugh at him. I know I would if he complained about this.

becoming_maxine −  NTA – Why would you consider yourself TA for sharing parenting tips. We parents do that all the time. BTW did you tell your friend what he did on the computer can be done for the TV and other electronic devices.

Have you shared with him how to lock down his router and change the password. That one is the favorite I pull out and share all time. Your kid doesn’t want to do chores. Cut off the internet.

StAlvis −  NTA – Well, I got a phone call that night from my friend, his son was ticked off about his computer turning off at 9 pm. I could hear his son screaming at him for being a bad father and that he’s going to be reported for this at school.

Why the s**t would your friend **_call you_** to complain about *his* parenting problems? That’s for him to figure out. You were already help. I seriously feel like I am the AH in this as I cheated his son out of being responsible with his computer time. *What?* That’s not a thing.

Papismooth −  NTA, you gave your friend the tools to parent his child, apparently. How exactly a 10 yo gets away with being on the computer 3+ hours past curfew is a wonder.

Seems like the expected reaction from a 10 yo when they get something taken away. You didn’t set the rules and you are not enforcing them, you just enabled your friend to parent effectively.

Ok_Existence −  NTA. A 10 year old should not have unrestricted access to the internet late at night. If your friend caves he is teaching his son that if he screams loud enough and throws a temper tantrum then he can get anything he wants.

Sounds like his dad should take the whole damn computer away and see how much his kid likes it then. If his son wants to have a computer, he needs to understand that it is a privilege, not a right.

Screaming and verbally abusing your parent who so graciously provides him with a computer to play on is no way to get what he wants. He is 10, not 20. He doesn’t get to make the rules unless his dad lets him.

Tdluxon −  NTA – First off, your friend is the father, it’s his decision what time his kids curfew is going to be and apparently he’s chosen 9pm. That is his decision, nothing to do with you. All you did was show him a way to change the settings in the computer to enforce the curfew by turning off.

I don’t know what the son is talking about as far as reporting him to the school… the school is not going to intervene to tell a parent that they have to allow their kid to play computer games all night.

MaybeitsMe0617 −  NTA – the son’s reaction is indicative of a screen addiction and the withdrawals from the stimulus. It will take some time for things to reset but they will. He’s doing a great thing for his son.

SavingsRhubarb8746 −  If that boy is still screaming threats over a very reasonable solution to his excessive computer time after nothing else seems to have worked, he hasn’t been held to any standard of behaviour enough in the past.

A ten-year-old can easily understand “You have been told not to use your computer after 9 PM, and disobeyed regularly. You will be unable to use the computer during those hours in the future.”. NTA

HandrewJobert −  I was like yeah, just look on the computer. We had to look up how to put it on, by googling it. He never knew he could set a timer for the computer to turn off.

He even googled if it was possible to set the timer to allow the computer to be turned on, I didn’t even think that was possible, till we found it on google. You may as well blame Google for having answers. NTA.

Was the Redditor wrong to suggest the timer, or was this a reasonable way to help the child respect bedtime? How would you handle a child resisting a computer curfew? Share your thoughts in the comments!