AITA for shouting at my girlfriend because she wouldn’t let me work?

A Reddit user (29M) working from home is frustrated with his girlfriend (30F) for interrupting him repeatedly during work hours while she’s on gardening leave. Despite asking her multiple times to respect his work schedule and wait until after his workday for household tasks, she continues to interrupt him throughout the day.

After weeks of building tension, he snapped and shouted at her to “leave him the f*** alone.” Now, his girlfriend is upset and left the apartment, leaving him wondering if he crossed the line. Read the full story below to decide if he was out of line.

‘ AITA for shouting at my girlfriend because she wouldn’t let me work?’

AITA for shouting at my girlfriend after she wouldn’t let me work from home without interruption?

I (29M) work from home and finally blew up at my 30(F) girlfriend today because she is incapable of giving me five minutes’ peace. She is currently on gardening leave before starting another role in January and for most of the day, I’m in my office working normal hours (9-6). I thought she would understand that even if I’m at home – work is work. I have tasks that need completing, meetings during the day and other jobs that require me to sit at my desk for most of the day.

For some reason, she uses these hours as prime time to bother me or distract me, and usually I help her with whatever she needs (after telling her nicely that I’m working), even though every request pierces through my ears like tinnitus. But today I had enough..

“love, I need help with this”.
“Can you do this afterwards?”.
“Don’t forget to do this”
“Make sure you clean this room afterwards”.
“Can you put some laundry on”

She probably shouts at me from across the apartment, or from a different room about 30 times per day and then it makes me feel guilty for not doing things around the house or helping her with tasks. I try to tell her, “I will do x task when I have a chance”, or “I will do x later when I’m finished”, but then she gives me a two-minute grace period before doing the jobs under her breath.

I’m really busy ahead of Christmas and I told her this morning “love, can you leave me the f\*\*\* alone for five minutes?” and now she’s upset and left the apartment to go for a walk. AITA or do I have a genuine reason to be upset, because it feels like I’m going to have to apologise for this situation now, when I made my feelings and boundaries clear many times.

I know that there is an imbalance in our relationship right now with only me working, and being at home is obviously boring all day, but is some basic adult awareness not needed from her side here?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Enlightened_Gardener −  My husband works from home with three autistic kids, two cats, a needy labradoodle and the occasional wife. We all understand that when he’s typing away with his headphones on, or when he’s doing a meeting, he’s busy and not to be interrupted.

So either your wife is more needy than a labradoodle, or more immune to social signals than an autistic teenager, or perhaps you haven’t had an absolutely clear conversation with her about what you need and expect from her when you’re working.

If she’s bored, she can get out of the house, see friends, or take up a new hobby. She can sit and quietly read a book, or watch a movie with her headphones on. She could take up crochet. She can make long lists of what she wants you to do and then give them to you when you’ve finished work.

Make this all very clear. Tell her that while you are at your desk you are unavailable. Wear headphones. Do NOT help her with what she needs. You’re confusing her inner labradoodle by saying “No” then giving her what she asked for. Make sure she knows that no housework will be done until work is finished, and she’s not to ask you while you’re at work. Do not be afraid to use the squirty bottle if she interrupts you. You don’t have to shout, but say “No !” in a commanding deep tone.

The flip side of this, is that if she’s good and leaves you alone, reward her with a small piece of chocolate (like a Baci) during your coffee break and just say “Thanks for giving me space to work babes” (This approach also works on labradoodles). I’m going with NTA but get very clear on what you need from her, and tell her calmly, and then follow through.

Full_Pace7666 −  NTA. Working from home means you are WORKING! It is NOT an acceptable time to do things around the house. Brings me back to when I still lived with my folks and my parents had friday off while I worked from home, it took forever for them to get it. I’d try to be more firm with this boundary. If the room you work in has a lock, keep it locked. Wear headphones. Make it clear to her that from this point onwards you’re not free from 9-6 and to only reach out during an emergency.

pachangiux −  NTA, I was in a similar position you’re in and at the time my gf didn’t really understand the work from home concept. A lot of people think of it as a “well he’s working but it must be a slow day because he’s not at the office” kinda thing.

I would usually comply and help her or whatever til I had enough and ended up telling her at the end of my shift that even if it looks like I’m not busy, it doesn’t mean she has the right to ask anything from me that is not an immediate emergency. Obviously I’d recommend sitting her down after your shift, it’s gonna take a couple of times, and talk to her calmly but firmly. The snapping back at her ain’t gonna get you anywhere fam lol.

Bold-Belle2 −  NTA. I don’t get why so many people don’t understand that WFH still means you have to be actively working. Expecting you to be dillydallying doing stuff for her while working is selfish.

mdthomas −  “Gf, if I were at work in the office, would you be calling me or texting me with all of these things you say to me when I’m working from home?”. NTA.

redheadedsweetie −  NTA your gf is being a child. My husband works from home and I’m home all day. If I need him, I send him a message to let him know that when he has a minute I need…. The only reason I have to ask him for occasional help is because I’m disabled. I don’t ask more than about 3 times a day. I make lunch for him and have dinner ready for him finishing work. He’s working and I respect that he needs to concentrate.

Your gf is an adult, she needs to learn to respect your job, that you aren’t home to do housework: you’re working. Whilst she probably didn’t appreciate you swearing at her, she brought it on herself by refusing to listen all the previous times you brought this issue up. If you apologise, only apologise for the way you expressed your frustration but say the sentiment stands. You are working and busy during those hours and she needs to act like you aren’t available because you aren’t.

Old_Mud9448 −  NTA- She knows what she’s doing. She just wants you to constantly prove that her needs are your top priority. It’s either an insecurity thing or a power struggle thing… or both. She wants to see how far she can push. She enjoys pouting when you react. It all gets her to the main goal, which is attention.

LowBalance4404 −  NTA. You need to sit down with her and reinforce that from 9am to 6pm, you are at work. You are not to be bothered unless you surface to grab a bite to eat, but you are not doing errands or chores during work hours. While you are at work, you are working.

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. Find a room where you can work and close/lock the door.

theechameleonsystem −  NTA: god that’s so annoying, i would’ve done the same. and i’m a woman.