AITA for selling my daughter’s car after discovering her texting & driving?

A Redditor shared their story about selling their daughter’s car after discovering she was repeatedly texting while driving, breaking a key safety rule they had established. Their strict decision has sparked a family debate over whether they were too harsh or justified in their actions. Read the original story below to see how they handled the situation.

‘ AITA for selling my daughter’s car after discovering her texting & driving?’

When my daughter was 14, wife and I decided we would buy a car for her to use on her 16th if she proved herself to be responsible, got good grades, etc. There would be a “contract” of sorts to ensure we were all on the same page.

The stipulations were continuing good grades, good attitude, she could only bring one friend with her somewhere (to begin with), we had to know where she was, and the obvious two: don’t drink & drive, and don’t text and drive. We made it clear that **we** were buying the car, but it was for her to use.

We got the car, a 2012 Honda Civic. She has a summer job right now, it’s summer break so she’s out doing stuff with her friends, etc. In a few months she will be off to college. Everything was going swimmingly. Until someone on that NextDoor app started posting pictures and videos of bad drivers in the area.

And lo and behold, my daughter was posted with her face down as she texted and rolled through a stop sign. Once with her face down in her phone at a stoplight. I was livid. My wife was the one who showed it to me. We found out there were more instances (from her Instagram Stories) and we decided… no.

Wife and I up and sold the car. We didn’t lose very much in the process, except of course our daughter completely came unraveled. It’s so unfair, I didn’t hurt anyone, everyone’s doing it, how am I supposed to get to work, what about when I go to college?

Well, we said no, it’s not unfair, you hurt us by being a s**tty, irresponsible driver, no, not everyone’s doing it, you can walk, ride your bike, or take the bus, and as for college, you don’t need the car to get to and from classes, and again, ride your bike or walk.

She tried to play the “how can you send your daughter to college without her safety in mind?” card and I said “Well, well, well, now you’re concerned about safety?” and she just up and screamed. This has everyone in our life up in arms and divided.

Her grandparents think we’re being over the top and awful, that grounding her would have sufficed. They’ve threatened that THEY will buy her a car again if we try to send her to college without one. The car is already sold, so there’s no going back.

I think what we did was absolutely correct, that actions have consequences and we would be in the wrong to pull back from that. In terms of her going to college? Well, she made that choice. She had a car, it came with certain stipulations, she disobeyed us, and now she pays the price.. So AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Fleetdancer −  NTA. Frankly I admire your restraint.

manualLurking −  Her grandparents think we’re being over the top and awful, that grounding her would have sufficed. They’ve threatened that THEY will buy her a car again if we try to send her to college without one. You better shut that s**t down immediately. You and wife have done a good job and the punishment seems proportionate imo. distracted driving Kills. Full Stop.

Old people love to spoil their relatives because it makes them feel involved. Also it sounds like there might be some deeper need to undermine your authority as parents. Hopefully, it isnt malicious and just misplaced desire to care for their granddaughter.. NTA. ​

edit: This hastily written comment got a lot of attention. On the off chance OP decides to look back through this, I wanted to add a some comment to explain what I was saying. 1) Daughter certainly is an adult and can accept whatever gifts she wants.

I never really meant that OP should legally shut down the grandparents. I simply meant to meet with them and set them straight on the facts of distracted driving, and the extent to which daughter violated valid expectations.

Make it clear that they could potentially do some serious damage to your relationship with daughter and that they should stay out of it no matter their intentions. Escalating things by threatening to withhold tuition payment, as some have suggested, would just drive a much deeper wedge between them all.

2) I feel your punishment was fair but ultimately limiting. As others pointed out, heavy restrictions placed on her use of the vehicle could have been better long term. Could have given her a chance to earn it back and truly learn a lesson rather than build resentment.

Theoretically its not too late to do that. Perhaps an agreement that, with good grades, the parents could buy a newer car for the following year. Perhaps, due to her record, if she wants the car, she will have to pay for the insurance.

Jenla13 −  NTA, and her sense of outrage and entitlement instead of shame and contrition at getting caught in the act should only reaffirm you made the right choice. She’s not sorry, she’s pissed. If it were me,

I’d need to see a major and GENUINE attitude upgrade before even considering relenting AND I’d be telling the grandparents that until she’s 18 there’s no way she’s driving a car from them either… and then they can put her on *their * insurance.

Sometimes you have to do unpopular things to teach your kids important lessons and help protect them from their own bad choices. They should be supporting you, not undermining you. Ugh.

ajsstormchaser −  ESH, I’m 100% sure half the NTA have texted and drove at some point. I don’t disagree with consequences but you’ve taken zero steps to make her a safer driver. Texting and driving is serious but what’s going to happen when she buys her own car and you’re not around? One strike policies are generally bad ideas.

fatboyfat1981 −  NTA- actions have consequences. Doesn’t stop you from buying her another car in the short/medium term future if she can show she’s learned from what happened

Maverick_01 −  ESH. You’re kid is an i**ot, but she’s also a *kid* so its kind of a given. I don’t know what lesson you think you’re giving her, but selling the car is not gonna help her become a safer driver.

Is your plan just to wait until she buys her own car and then hope for the best? I think you’ve confused punishing with teaching here, and it makes you guys assholes.. ​ EDIT: u/SirPounces was the first to point out the grammar mistake, so he wins. Everyone else loses.

AbsentGlare −  NTA. Your daughter is being naïve. This natural for her. But she needs to understand, it doesn’t matter that no one was hurt, what matters is that someone could have very easily been hurt. She is wielding a deadly weapon, and she has consciously chosen to wield it with reckless disregard for the safety of those around her: your friends and neighbors.

Your grandparents also need to back off. They aren’t raising your daughter, you are. Frankly, there isn’t any need for a college kid to have a car these days. You can get a place to sleep near the college and you can get most things you’d need delivered to your door.

A car means you need to pay for parking, find a parking spot, maintain the car; it’s actually a bit of a hassle, honestly. This is a parenting decision. Granted, after turning 18, you legally become an adult.

But as kids remain dependent on their parents to age 25, especially college bound kids, they’re in YOUR custody and YOU are in charge. Are grandparents going to pay her tuition? Do they want to adopt her? No, they are undermining your authority as a parent.

Bobaaganoosh −  Everyone’s saying NTA here, so ima play devils advocate. Ima say ESH. Your daughter sucked for texting and driving. And you sucked for selling the car. I understand you had a “contract”. I understand you’re trying to teach her a lesson. She SHOULD be taught a lesson. But selling the car? A bit overboard in my opinion.

You could’ve took the keys from her and withheld her driving privileges for a month or two. Hell, you could’ve taken her cell phone for a month as well. I bet that would’ve livened her ass up. But now you sold the car which was gonna be her primary means of transport in the future + college like she said.

Idk if you and your family just got money to blow or what, but I guess you don’t mind being out thousands of dollars to prove a point. If it were me, I’d have took the car and phone for a month or so. NOW, you have to buy her ANOTHER car down the road

(let’s be real, she’s gonna need a car, and at some point you’re all gonna move past this, she’ll have learned her lesson, and you’ll be buying another car) Bc you sold the one you already bought to make a point. And let’s get something straight before people start downvoting and saying how bad texting and driving is – no s**t. I agree.

Texting and driving is bad. Common sense. But I’d bet my damn life we’ve all done it before at least once or twice. Some people probably do it all the time but you’re still gonna say NTA. OP has probably texted and drove/drives. I understand the point you’re trying to make to your daughter, but to sell the car over it is just a bit over the top in my opinion.

Yes, she shouldn’t be texting and driving. Should she be taught a lesson? Yes. I just feel like there are better ways OP could’ve went about it than selling the car. That’s all I’m trying to say.

Edit: and just like I predicted – people are saying I’m DEFENDING texting and driving and making an excuse for it. I never DEFENDED it. Ever. I’m just pointing out that most people HAVE texted and drove before. Don’t try to sit here and act all high and mighty and tell me you’ve never even LOOKED at your phone while driving.

You’d be lying to yourself and to everyone here to try to make yourself seem better than others. My POINT that I’m making, is I AGREE that the daughter should be taught a lesson, but it could’ve been done in a better way, and that selling the car was just a bit over the top. OBVIOUSLY the daughter is wrong for texting and driving.

But, taking the phone, taking the car, and having a long simple talk about it would’ve also worked instead of selling the car. I’m also not saying the parents HAVE to buy her another car, like they’re obligated to do so. What I’m saying is OP will INEVITABLY buy her another one.

Judging by the fact he seems to fine with losing a few thousands dollars to prove a point, something tells they also don’t mind buying another vehicle down the road after the daughter has learned her lesson and understand road safety better. I’m not saying OP HAS to. But most parents who can do that, and have the financial means to do that kind of that kind of thing for their kid, will do it.

Chucklepink −  I mean… I probably would’ve given her a warning and taken the car away for a month first, but I’d still say NTA.

Fuzzy1353 −  NTA God forbid but if she ever hit someone while texting and driving they’d take her license and throw her in jail, so she kinda got off easy. Let her use her hard earned money to pay for a car maybe she’ll try to protect it and herself better.

Do you think selling the car was a fair consequence for the daughter’s actions, or should the parents have opted for a less severe punishment? How would you balance teaching responsibility and ensuring safety in a similar situation? Share your opinions below!