AITA for reporting my classmates for joking that I have pretty privilege?

A Reddit user shares her experience as a woman in a male-dominated academic environment. After excelling in her exams, she faced rude and inappropriate comments from classmates suggesting her success was due to “pretty privilege” or assistance from a PhD student she’s dating. Feeling anxious and undermined, she reported their behavior to her supervisor, resulting in their supervisors being informed. Now, her classmates accuse her of overreacting and jeopardizing their opportunities.

‘ AITA for reporting my classmates for joking that I have pretty privilege?’

Background: I’m (F23) one of only a few female students in a male-dominated course. Furthermore, I am at a highly prestigious university and I haven’t really gotten along with the guys on my course. They are all very competitive and I just don’t really enjoy their company – everything turns into a pissing contest, and they definitely take me less seriously because I’m a woman. I stopped interacting with them beyond the mere minimum and choose to hang out with other people..

Anyway: I did well in our recent exams (I topped two out of four exams we had so far). Our prof congratulated me during class (I wouldn’t have advertised this myself). Ever since then, my interactions with a specific group of male classmates have gotten weird. They’re now outright rude and challenge me aggressively in class discussions.

We recently had some presentations and one of them chose to do theirs on, to put it simply, “pretty privilege” – they specifically pointed to two papers that suggested that pretty female students get overscored in assessments. The other guys in the group snickered and one even gave me a wink. Afterwards, I heard them in the hallway joking that “they had experience with that themselves”.

I’ve been seeing a PhD student within our department for a month. He has literally nothing to do with our course. Well, we ran into one of my course mates A together. The next day in class his friend B asked me if “my boyfriend” helped me with exams. He said this intentionally loudly and in front of the professor, who heard this. I replied that I don’t have a boyfriend (cause he’s not my bf), but then B pointed out that he had run into me with the PhD student, making a point to say his name (the prof knows him). I just replied that we’re only friends.

They didn’t let up – I heard that they discussed this thing in two more classes, in earshot of the professors. Both times they suggested I got help for my exams ( I wasn’t even seeing him then). I didn’t confront them, but this has been causing me so much anxiety – even without the exam accusations, I worked hard to get here and I don’t want to be known among the faculty for my dating life.

I raised this issue with my supervisor, without the intention of taking it any further, but I wanted her advice as a woman in academia. She convinced me to let her email their supervisors “to remind them of proper conduct” and described their treatment of an “unnamed female student”. She didn’t name me, but they figured it out. They confronted me after class and asked my why I would report their “silly joke“.

Apparently, their supervisors are now very cold towards them and less interested in helping. It’s not a formal complaint – only their supervisors know – but one of them, C, said his supervisor writes the reports for his financial aid/scholarship and it was my fault if he lost out on that. I now feel a bit embarrassed and this was compounded by a friend telling me I took it to far cause C shouldn’t lose out on his scholarship. So, reddit – AITA?.

Check out how the community responded:

thirdtryisthecharm −  NTA. Any retaliation should also be reported. They’re angling for some big problems if they keep this up.

GreaterAmberjack −  NTA – they know what they’re doing because jokers like this have been doing it for years – undermine your accomplishments, question your abilities and then act shocked when you stand up for yourself. I’m happy (and somewhat surprised) that the faculty and administration is treating this as seriously as it deserves.. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. EDIT: Thank you for all the love! I’m not very good at Reddit and this is unprecedented!

lordliv −  NTA. Tell them maybe people would be more motivated to help them if they smiled more.

anyoldname7 −  If their “pretty privilege joke” made you lose out on a scholarship or caused you to be graded extra hard, they wouldn’t give it a crap. They intentionally and repeatedly made this “silly joke” out loud, in front of professors.
NTA. Maybe they should have thought about treating you with respect and professionalism BEFORE it had to come from a place of authority.

ncndsvlleTA −  NTA, if misogynists want to be awarded scholarships then they should be quieter.

Dittoheadforever −  You’re NTA and it wasn’t a “silly joke.” It was repeated harassment and constant implications that you’re not worthy of your grades and haven’t earned your way to where you are. You don’t deserve that and it should have been reported. It’s a shame those guys are so insecure and jealous of your accomplishments, but any consequences that befall them are well earned.

PJfanRI −  NTA. They’re harassing you, plain and simple. If they lose their financial aid its because of their own actions, not yours. You should be proud of yourself for standing up to their bullying.. Edit: damn you autocorrect!

Ok_General_6940 −  NTA at ALL These men can’t stand having a competent woman around. I have worked in a male dominated field for over a decade and I want to commend you on standing up for yourself. This is b**lshit you shouldn’t have to put up with and I’d start documenting everything.

I’d also go talk to that first professor 1:1 and ask them not to announce your grades publicly again. I had to do that in my undergrad, and it helped immensely. Good luck OP, don’t let these immature asshats chase you away from something you love.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. I am an old woman and had no resources back when I was in college and experienced this same thing. but I am so glad you do. I would report them again. and again and again. Until they keep their remarks and their interactions to themselves. You won’t change their minds. But you might be able to make them shut up about it. That guy deserves to lose his financial aid. Do we want that kind of misogynist to profit from that attitude? or even despite it?

My dad said something once – and he said it sadly and with obvious sarcasm – “there’s only one thing worse than an I intelligent woman and that’s an intelligent woman who is also beautiful. “. He was trying to explain the attitude of my peers. of course not all men feel this way. my dad didn’t and he comes from the WWii generation. but there are always men who do.

Vertigobee −  NTA. They did this to themselves. Guys like that are the exact reason many women avoid certain fields. Keep fighting the good fight.