AITA for refusing to use my mom’s ring in my engagement ring?

A young woman declined her mom’s offer to incorporate her parents’ wedding ring into her engagement ring. The mom viewed it as a sentimental gesture, but the woman saw it as a reminder of her parents’ toxic marriage and didn’t want that energy in her future relationship.

Her refusal upset her mom, who called her disrespectful and overly sentimental. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to use my mom’s ring in my engagement ring?’

My (28) boyfriend and I (23) have talked about designing our own rings for our future engagement. Recently, my mom offered to give us her ring from her marriage to my dad to melt down and incorporate into mine. I refused.

Her marriage to my dad was filled with negativity: she had a midlife crisis and cheated, and my dad wasn’t a saint either—he struggled with alcohol abuse the entire time. Their relationship was toxic and ultimately ended badly.

To me, their ring is a symbol of that failed marriage, and I don’t want to carry that energy into my future with my partner. I want our rings to represent a fresh, positive start. My mom didn’t take it well.

She thinks I’m being disrespectful and sentimental about the wrong things. She argues that it’s “just a ring” and sees it as a meaningful gesture to pass it down.. AITA for refusing?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

[Reddit User] −  NTA Recently, my mom offered to give us her ring from her marriage to my dad to melt down and incorporate into mine.. Generous gesture from her. I refused. Her marriage to my dad was filled with negativity: she had a midlife crisis and cheated, and my dad wasn’t a saint either—he struggled with alcohol abuse the entire time.

Their relationship was toxic and ultimately ended badly. To me, their ring is a symbol of that failed marriage, and I don’t want to carry that energy into my future with my partner. I want our rings to represent a fresh, positive start. Your point of view – your engagement, your right.

My mom didn’t take it well. She thinks I’m being disrespectful and sentimental about the wrong things. She argues that it’s “just a ring” and sees it as a meaningful gesture to pass it down. Meaningful gesture for her. Bad juju for you – mom needs to stand down.

uberprodude −  INFO. The point you made is reasonable, how you made it might not have been. This would have been a tough conversation, and tact is apparently in short supply

You explained why you don’t want the ring, but not how you declined. Can you describe how you conveyed your opinion on the rings and her marriage to your mom?

KatieHedgehog −  NTA It cant be ‘Just a ring’ and meaningful at the same time. That ring obviously represents something less than perfect and its fair to want your own clean slate of a ring.

Lyzab77 −  NTA your wedding is about your fiancé and you. If you wanted this ring, it would be different . But the fact that your mother consider your « no » as disrespectful is a sign that she wants to force herself into your marriage.

You’re an adult, and now you choices are made with our future husband. Not your parents. You can take their advices, but they can’t take decisions for you anymore. Your mother also is desilusionnal to consider her ring as a symbol of love…

Use her own words : if it’s just a ring, why is it so important to her ? Congratulations for your wedding and just make your own decisions.

Fit_Try_2657 −  If it’s just a ring and a meaningless gesture why does she care?

[Reddit User] −  NTA if it is just a ring then why is she so upset?

giga_phantom −  NTA

Perfect_Ring3489 −  Nta if you dont want to wear it, thats your choice and she has to get over it. I wouldnt want to wear it either

dryadduinath −  NTA. “She argues that it’s “just a ring” and sees it as a meaningful gesture to pass it down.” That… is a total contradiction. It can’t be both.
You get to say no regardless. Your marriage isn’t about your mom or her marriage or her divorce.

If she doesn’t want the ring she can sell it. If she thinks the ring is meaningful she should keep it.  It holds no sentimental value for *you*. Only bad memories.  Move into your marriage with the ring you and your intended choose.

Your mom offered, and that was kind, but insisting is a step too far and she needs to back off. 

Should she prioritize her personal feelings about the ring’s symbolism, or honor her mom’s intentions? What would you do in her shoes? Share your thoughts below!