AITA for refusing to take my turn hosting family dinners after everyone always bails on mine?

A Reddit user, 24F, shared her frustration over hosting Sunday family dinners, which rotate between family members. Although everyone reliably shows up at other houses, they often cancel on her last-minute, leaving her feeling underappreciated.

She’s spent hours prepping meals, only to have siblings cancel with excuses like “work stuff” or not feeling well. Recently, everyone showed up to her mom’s dinner without issue, which made her feel even worse. Now that it’s her turn again, she’s decided not to host, which upset her family.

Her dad dismissed her concerns, saying that’s just how family can be, but she’s tired of putting in effort for nothing. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to take my turn hosting family dinners after everyone always bails on mine?’

I (24F) come from a family that values big Sunday dinners, and we’ve always rotated between whose house we gather at. The idea is that everyone contributes by hosting one of these dinners, but recently, it feels like I’m the only one actually holding up my end of the bargain.

Every time it’s my turn to host, my siblings and even my parents seem to come up with last-minute excuses to skip. The last time I prepared a full meal, my sister canceled an hour before because she “wasn’t feeling well,” and my brother had “work stuff.” I spent hours prepping and even made special dishes that everyone usually loves.

This has happened several times now, and I’m starting to feel like my effort isn’t being appreciated. Last week, it was my mom’s turn to host, and everyone showed up—no excuses, no last-minute cancellations. Now, my turn is coming up again, and I don’t feel like going through all the effort when no one ever shows up.

When I told my family that I was thinking of skipping my turn and letting someone else host, they got upset. My dad said I was being dramatic and that it’s just how family is sometimes, but I can’t help but feel like I’m always the one getting the short end of the stick. AITA for refusing to host family dinners when no one ever shows up to mine?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

charstella −  If you decide to host anyway, make a big pot of Chili that you can freeze if they don’t come. Or something else you can freez. If they complain, just say mention the last time, and you would not waste food again. Do the dinner one or two times again. Two, because after you mentioned it to them, they will try to be on better behavior.

WantToBelieveInMagic −  NTA. You could just agree to host then, at the last minute, cancel because you are sick and have work stuff.

CoverCharacter8179 −  So are you saying that there have been *multiple instances* in which you invited the whole family to dinner, they said they were coming, you spent lots of time and effort preparing dishes specially intended for them, and then *everyone* canceled on you at the last minute?

That’s bonkers! Not to mention utterly disrespectful of your efforts. Definite NTA, and you should tell anyone trying the “but family” card on you that you think *family* should show up to an event you planned for them after they told you they would be there.

Jerseygirl2468 −  NTA especially if this is happening often. I’d invite them again, and when everyone arrives, have a few appetizers and order pizza, once you know how many people are there. Then you aren’t putting out much effort or cost up front. And if anyone complains, remind them that you’ve on multiple occasions made a whole big dinner and none or few show up.

wrathofworlds −  I’d just make up your favourite foods that freeze well and when they don’t show up you have a stack of meal prep done. I’d also keep track of what’s happening so you can discuss it further with them to show it’s a pattern of disrespect not a random occurrence.

That if you want to stay in contact with them that is. NTA, oh and is also point out that the notice given to you was unacceptable. If things like sickness or work obligations happen they surely have more than an hours notice and should prioritise letting you know.

stringrandom −  INFO: Do you live somewhere hard to get to? Are you a lousy housekeeper? Live someplace your family thinks is “scary“? Since it’s happened multiple times I wonder if your family is too embarrassed to tell you what the actual issue. 

ReviewOk929 −  Every time it’s my turn to host, my siblings and even my parents seem to come up with last-minute excuses to skip. NTA – Given the effort you put in and the repeated skippings of family I’d be saying f**k that as well.

Jazzlike-Bird-3192 −  NTA. If they really want you to host, wait for them to arrive and order pizza. Why put effort into making special dishes? If they complain, tell them you weren’t sure how many of them would actually bother to show up, so you decided to make it easy on yourself.

celticmusebooks −  INFO how many siblings are in the rotation? Do people cancel on the other sibs or just you? Are there other factors that might be at play? Is your house clean and comfortable and not a longer drive than the other hosts?

Are you a decent cook and tailor the menu to any food allergies or preferences of the guests? Do you have pets that make the guests uncomfortable or shed quite a bit? I feel like there’s something missing here.

LightPhotographer −  Some solutions are offered:
-Practical + a little petty: Freeze it, and heat it up if they show up
-Super petty: Cancel the dinner yourself half an hour beforehand

-Confrontational: Threaten to stop hosting
-Therapeutic: Talk about how your feelings are feeling. Bottom line:

Nobody cancels moms dinner. That is the key. Mom has respect, command or standing in your family. You don’t. I do not know why – does mom throw a tantrum? Or is she just a loved, respected mom? And your dad has looked up g**lighting on the internet and decided to try it. With his one-sided ‘but faaaamily’.

Whatever you do, pick your stance, think about why you pick it, and use your dads own words against him.. Example: Guys since people cancel at the last moment I am not hosting / hosting frozen pizza / hosting a FREE SUNDAY from now on. I might be home, I might not be.

In my dads words: Family cares about each other, and therefore family is fair and honest. Honesty is: Yes OP, I cancelled several times with a l**e excuse because I preferred a free Sunday to myself but I was not man enough to say it. That is honest.

Here is my honesty in return: I will not slave at a big dinner to be humiliated. It is frozen pizza from now on. You can cancel, I can cancel. But I will not sit in my own home and be humiliated.. Thank you.