AITA for refusing to RSVP to my sister’s wedding because I’m required to write an “application essay” just to attend?

A Reddit user (27F) finds herself in a bizarre and contentious situation with her sister’s upcoming destination wedding. Due to capacity restrictions, her sister has implemented a requirement: all guests must submit two 250-word essays explaining why they deserve to attend. The user refuses to comply, feeling insulted by the request, leading to tension with her family.

‘ AITA for refusing to RSVP to my sister’s wedding because I’m required to write an “application essay” just to attend?’

Yeah I know this sounds insane but I’m living in it. So my sister is getting married next February, destination wedding no less. I have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward.

Anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. As a result she’s sending out “re-invites” that asks everyone to RSVP again. But in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word “essays” to two questions. The gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. People who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified.

I just feel really insulted by all of this. The questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like ”why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?” And “what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?” So she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss ass and tell her why they REALLY want to go.

Anyways I told her in advance I’m not writing 500 words on why I NEED to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present. This has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. She’s said that to keep things fair if I don’t fill out the RSVP correctly I won’t be saved a spot. I said fine with me. Then my parents said if I don’t show up I’m going to be in big f**king trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays.

AITA if I stay stubborn on this? I’m already annoyed at the thought of spending thousands and coming home to quarantine. But I will not belt out 500 words on how this is totally my choice. AITA?

Edit: I’m 27F. I don’t live with family but she is my only sister. Edit2: Sister has framed these essays as “surveys” but there’s a word limit requirement so if you don’t reach it on the google forms you can’t even submit. Parents think this is perfectly reasonable, nice even, because sister is letting everyone have the chance to attend.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

sc1293 −  NTA. I would definitely send in two essays. The first would say “Mom/Dad said I have to come or I’m in BIG trouble” over and over again until you hit 250. The second, “I’m your sibling.”. ETA: Thank you for the award!! ETA 2: Holy moly thank you guys so much for the awards and gold!!! You guys are insanely awesome. Also, this is my first top comment!!

hamzy996 −  NTA and I hope no one writes the essay so she can see how ridiculous shes being.

prinkly −  NTA – Holy hell this is a new one, props to your sister for inventing a whole new way to be a l**atic. If they don’t care enough to “reserve” you a spot, why would you want to celebrate a day with someone so selfish? I think they’re going to get a hard dose of reality when people don’t respond or meet their 500 word essay.

How’re you going to be in big trouble with your parents? Assuming you’re old enough to pay for the trip out of your pocket, there’s not really anything they can do except be mad. Save your money and treat yourself to a nice trip to somewhere that doesn’t have crazy people.

Kempeth −  NTA. But there’s an easy out: Why do you still want to celebrate this day with us? You’re my little/older sister. If you feel that our relationship and our shared experiences over the years do not warrant an invitation to your wedding I am very sorry that you feel that way but will respect your decision to not include me in the celebration of your nuptials. what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?

You’re my little/older sister. If you feel that our relationship and our shared experiences over the years do not warrant an invitation to your wedding I am very sorry that you feel that way but will respect your decision to not include me in the celebration of your nuptials. You said yourself, you don’t need the expense and complication. And you certainly don’t need to grovel for an invite. So send that in and see what she decides.

[Reddit User] −  Jesus, NTA. That is ridiculous and I would respond in exactly the same way. I get that it’s tricky whittling down a guest list, but I don’t think it should be up to the guest to justify and provide evidence that their relationship with the couple warrants an invite.

10487518386 −  NTA. But wow, she’s really making people apply to a wedding? Imagine some sad dude writing a whole essay just to get wait-listed or rejected. “Thank you for your response. Unfortunately we cannot offer you a spot in our wedding at this time. We wish you the best on your future endeavors. May you get invited to all of your safety weddings. Oh and if you still wanna send us our present that’s cool too.”

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your sister should have sucked it up and cut the guest list herself. Getting people to kinda beg for an invite? Tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if less than half end up going lol.

b_ootay_ful −  NTA. So my sister is getting married next February, destination wedding no less. I have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward. Anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. As a result she’s sending out “re-invites” that asks everyone to RSVP again.

But in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word “essays” to two questions. The gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. People who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified.

I just feel really insulted by all of this. The questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like “why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?” And “what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?” So she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss ass and tell her why they REALLY want to go.

Anyways I told her in advance I’m not writing 500 words on why I NEED to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present. This has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. She’s said that to keep things fair if I don’t fill out the RSVP correctly I won’t be saved a spot. I said fine with me. Then my parents said if I don’t show up I’m going to be in big f**king trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays.. That’s 278 words. Submit it Twice.

emanresuelbaliavayna −  NTA. This is a truly astounding level of n**cissism. She wants you to be there, but she’s going to cut you out unless you write her an essay begging to attend? I’m surprised any of her guests are still coming. I can’t imagine trying to force people to write formal letters kissing my feet and begging to “make the cut” to attend my wedding, and she’s doing this to her family? Does she not realize that she’s embarrassing herself?

And your parents are out of their minds. What the hell are they talking about with this nonsense about being in “big f**king trouble” with your relatives? You’re presumably a grown ass person. You don’t need to answer to your relatives any more than you need to bow and scrape to aopease your sister’s inflated ego. And unless every last one of your relatives is completely insane, they will recognize that your sister is being ridiculous and understand your position.

Saint_Blaise −  INFO: How are you going to be “in big f**king trouble” with your relatives? What could they do?