AITA for refusing to punish my son?

Family life is rarely simple, especially when adult independence collides with parental concerns about protecting minors. In this case, a 49‑year‑old father recounts a recent incident that has ignited a heated debate at home. His 20‑year‑old son, a university student on Easter break, is an avid reader of “BL” manga—a genre that carries an 18+ rating.

While the son is well within his rights to explore adult material, a misunderstanding arose when his 12‑year‑old sister, curious and eager to read, ended up snooping through his private collection. The ensuing fallout saw his wife vehemently insisting on punishment for the son, arguing that his choice in reading material exposed their daughter to inappropriate content.

The father, however, firmly believes that his adult son should be allowed to choose what he reads. He points out that the son even took steps to secure his books after the first incident, making it clear that the issue is not the reading material itself but the violation of his privacy by his daughter. This story invites us to consider the delicate balance between respecting an adult child’s autonomy and ensuring that younger family members are shielded from content not meant for them.

‘AITA for refusing to punish my son?’

Balancing adult autonomy with safeguarding younger family members is a challenge many blended households face. According to Dr. Jenn Mann, a licensed marriage and family therapist, “Adult children deserve the freedom to explore their interests and set their own boundaries. At the same time, it is crucial for parents to enforce clear limits for minors to protect them from content that is not age-appropriate.”

In this scenario, the son acted responsibly by explicitly informing his daughter that the mature material was off-limits and by securing his collection afterward. The real issue lies not in his choice of reading material, but in the daughter’s decision to disregard established boundaries by snooping into his private space. Experts suggest that when a minor violates clear instructions, the focus of any disciplinary action should be on addressing that behavior—not on punishing an adult for exercising his legal rights.

Moreover, Dr. Mann points out that parental overreach can sometimes stem from personal discomfort with the content rather than genuine concern for the child’s welfare. “When parents let their biases dictate the rules in the household, it can create an environment where adult children feel disrespected and stifled,” she notes.

This insight is especially relevant here, as the father’s defense of his son highlights the importance of respecting personal autonomy and privacy. By shifting the focus from punishing the son to correcting the behavior of the daughter, the family can work towards a more balanced approach where boundaries are respected without infringing on adult rights.

Ultimately, maintaining clear lines between protecting minors and respecting adult independence is essential. Open communication and mutual respect are key, and addressing the issue directly with the daughter—while reaffirming the son’s right to private interests—could pave the way for resolving the tension without resorting to punitive measures that might further divide the family.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit community largely sided with the father’s perspective. Commenters emphasized that a 20‑year‑old is legally and morally entitled to own and enjoy adult material, especially when he has clearly communicated his boundaries.

Many pointed out that the issue should be directed at the daughter for ignoring those boundaries rather than punishing an adult for his personal choices. The consensus was that any corrective action should focus on the daughter’s behavior—her deliberate snooping—rather than targeting the son, whose actions were both responsible and within his rights.

This story underscores the delicate balance between protecting younger family members and respecting the autonomy of adult children. While it is critical to ensure that minors are not exposed to age-inappropriate content, it is equally important to honor an adult’s right to privacy and personal choice.

The dispute between the parents highlights a broader issue about how families navigate these challenges. What are your thoughts on enforcing boundaries while preserving adult independence? Have you faced similar dilemmas in your family? Share your experiences and insights, and let’s discuss how to create a more respectful environment for everyone.